Insanity
by Reckreator
Summary: Set after the events of Yamatai, Lara struggles to reconcile with the aftermath of her recent adventure and her new identity. Written from alternating perspectives of Lara/Sam.
1. PART I Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Tomb Raider or any of its characters and I make no profit from this story. Any character new characters belong to me.**

* * *

**PART 1- Survivor**

Lara felt the ground beneath her swaying, rolling; up and down, side to side, left to right. Her body followed these movements, her head rolling with the ship. A moment ago, she had just vomited up her innards and now she was sitting on the floor. The call of promised peace sang to her again, and she felt her eyes drift close…close…

There was a knock on the door. "Lara," she head Sam say, "are you in there?"

Lara slowly opened her eyes. The Solarii sat mirror opposite her, appearing just as he was in his death. Trickles of blood ran down his tanned face, mixing with the mud, running into his big beard. A dark red splotch on the edge of his forehead, no larger than her thumb, marked the source of his demise. His eyes: dark, wrinkled and accusing, met her stare. From his throat came the chilling gurgles as he choked on his own blood.

_Vladimir, _Lara remembered dimly, _Vladimir was his name._

"Lara, are you okay?" The voice came again, louder, more panicked. There were several bangs on the door. Lara glanced over then back. Vladimir was gone.

_He's not real, s_he thought. She rubbed her temples and squeezed her eyes shut, then psyched herself to stand up. A slight rock of the floor caused her to fall against the wall, and she had to use all of her concentration to walk towards the sink.

With dead fingers, Lara picked up the roll of gauze and began patching up her side, covering the hole through her body once again. She had cleaned it before with antiseptic but it had already begun oozing out dark yellow pus again. The startling pain from the antiseptic almost caused her to pass out, which she thought was daft considering she survived a cauterization.

Lara popped two painkillers and shoved that and the dressing materials in the drawer then opened the door. Sam stood there, one fist in the air, about to bang on the door again. "What were you doing in there taking a shower?" she scowled. Despite that it was clear she was concerned.

Lara smiled and moved her way past her. "I was just changing my bandages," she told Sam.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" She turned back. Sam held up a rag of thin white cloth. "Your shirt?" she said.

Lara looked down and realised she had forgotten to put her shirt back on after she had fixed herself. "Oh," she took it back from Sam. "Thanks," she said, slipping it back on.

"So…" Sam began, "you either hate your shirt or something's wrong. Which is it?"

"Well this shirt is barely holding together. I could use a new one."

Sam cracked a smile then frowned and crossed her arms. "Lara, is everything alright?"

"I should be the one asking you that." She walked to her bed and searched around it for her father's journal.

Sam sat down on her bunk. "You have. Seven times but who's counting?"

Lara smirked. She found her journal and looked outside the porthole, seeing a golden world stark from the grey interior. "I might go outside and get some fresh air."

She was halfway out the door when she noticed two arrows, one aflame, stuck on the metal wall opposite her. The light from the fire cast an orange light over a section of the wall and highlighted the blood red sheen on the stone arrow tips.

A hand touched her shoulder and Lara dropped her journal, spinning around. Her hand was on the magnum holstered at her belt when she realised that it was Sam.

Sam held her hands up, "Don't shoot I come in peace." Lara blinked and dimly remembered Sam talking to her seconds before but being unable to hear her words.

"Sorry," Lara felt a bead of sweat run down her temple. She took a breath. "What were you saying?"

Sam looked at her peculiarly then continued without dropping the look. "I convinced Martian to let me borrow his laptop. There's a bunch of movies on it. Do you want to watch one tonight?"

"Sure," she said, picking her journal up. "So long as I get to pick the movie."

Sam laughed and patted her cheek, "Sure thing sweetie," which meant that she wasn't going to let her pick the movie.

Lara allowed herself a quick smile before looking back at the wall. The arrows were gone. She walked to the spot where they had been and ran her fingers over the metal. The arrows had dented the wall and left a splatter of blood, but now the metal was immaculate, not a trace that anything had been there.

_Because there was _nothing_ there, _Lara thought. Another wave, stronger this time, forced her against the wall. Lara shook her head free of murkiness and headed off to find Reyes. She hoped the painkillers would kick in soon.


	2. Chapter 2

"Casserole?" Sam piqued, "They're going to love that. I think Jonah's the only reason they let us on this boat."

Reyes chuckled. "Better get in quick Sam or you're going to go hungry tonight."

Jonah waved the knife dismissively. "Don't worry. I made enough for Whitman and he ate like a bear. I don't know whether more went in come out of his mouth." He began slicing a carrot.

Reyes folded her arms. "Are you sure there are enough supplies to make that much? We don't want to get thrown off the ship for starving the crew."

"This ship has enough food to survive for months. And we'll reach Tokyo in a week."

"Lara hey," Sam greeted. Reyes turned around and saw Lara walk in almost nervously. She greeted Sam and Jonah- especially Sam- strangely, somewhat irritably. Reyes wondered if there was something going on between them or if it was Lara's new attitude.

Lara walked to Reyes and leaned on the table. She glanced at Sam then back. "May I speak with you?"

"You are," Reyes said.

"In private," Lara clarified.

Reyes stood up and gestured for Lara to lead the way. Lara led the way up to the upper deck and stopped at the railing, turning around. Was it her or did Lara look paler than normal?

"So," Reyes began, "What do you need to talk about that you can't in front of Sam?"

A cheer went up behind them. Reyes turned around and saw a few crewmen clap as one of them sucked on his finger. A knife lay on the ground near him and several others had band aids around their fingers and hands. Reyes frowned. Those idiots were playing the knife game. Sometimes when she had to go to the hospital on her duties, she had seen young kids with their hands wrapped in white- some even with their fingers missing- all because they played that stupid game. It seemed like these men grew older but not wiser. Reyes looked back and noticed the stiffness of Lara's jaw and the hard look in her eyes. She noticed Reyes looking at her and relaxed ever so slightly.

"You were a cop weren't you?" Lara asked hesitantly.

"Didn't Roth tell you?" Reyes answered.

Lara glanced at her. "Yeah…I was just wondering…did you ever have to kill anyone on the job?"

Reyes leaned against the railing. She shrugged. "Of course, it's inevitable if you work in the force unless you keep a desk job. A guy was robbing a convenience store. Not original but this guy actually shot the cashier, so I shot him." The memory was distant but still stark.

"So how many did you kill?" Lara asked anxiously, "Do you know?"

"Seven on the job." Then she added, "plus three. I don't remember their names but I do their faces." Her fist clenched. "Bastards every one of them, they deserved what they got." She had a feeling Lara was on the brink of her actual question, but was too afraid, or didn't know how to ask it. These questions all had a similar theme though, so Reyes took a stab in the dark. "I don't regret killing them Lara. It was justice. What you did on Yamatai wasn't any different."

Lara looked at her, the colour in her eyes melancholy. "It doesn't make it any easier before or after. I cried when I killed my first person and now…" she shook her head, her expression hardening then softening so quickly Reyes thought she imagined it. "And Roth, Grimm, Alex…their blood is on my hands too."

Reyes folded her arms in an attempt to stifle her rage. Despite everything she knew, and everything Lara had done for them, a part of her could not help but blame her for Roth's death.

_Roth…_ her heart twisted. They had had a rough relationship over the years, the good times sweet and the bad times bitter. Now that he was gone, Reyes wished things could have been different, and that Alisha could have had the chance to meet the great man that was her father.

"They all died for us Lara," she said, choosing her words carefully, "They died for _you._ You didn't let their sacrifice go to waste and we were able to get off that island. They…" the words were hard to get out, as she wasn't used to complimenting people, "They would have been proud of you." Lara remained silent, her gaze locked on the metal floor, fingering her necklace.

Reyes continued. "As for those crazy fuckers- the Solarii- they would have killed you if you didn't do it first."

"I'm aware of that Reyes." Her voice was hard, defensive.

"Then don't look back. You do what you need to do. And at the end of the day, dead is dead and nothing you do can change that. So you stop lamenting on the '_what if's' _and focus on the future."

Lara turned to face the ocean and folded her arms. She didn't seem convinced, but was trying her hardest to believe it. One thing Reyes learnt was that the average person would lie to themselves and others, simply because it was easier. Unlike the truth, lies also brought happiness. Lara wasn't one of those people and was trying to deal with the responsibility that truth brought. As much as Reyes admired that, Lara seemed to be failing.

Reyes remembered the question she asked before. She repeated it, "Why don't you talk to Sam about this? She's your best friend isn't she?"

Lara's eyes flicked towards her but she remained facing the ocean. "Sam's been through enough," she explained, "She doesn't need to deal with my shit too."

Reyes scowled. Even after everything that happened, Lara was still a little naïve and listened to her heart too much. It was something that Reyes both envied and disliked about her. "Talking with Sam would probably help you a lot more than talking with me. If you need to talk to her, then talk to her. You need to take care of yourself."

Lara's jaw hardened as she gritted her teeth. "I am Reyes, why do you think I'm talking to you?" She squeezed her eyes shut and tapped her fist against her forehead. "Sorry… I'm just…" she took a deep breath, "Never mind." She looked Reyes in the eye. "You can't tell Sam anything about this. Promise me."

"Lara…"she warned.

"Promise me," she insisted.

Reyes threw her hands up. Why did she have to be so stubborn? But at the end of the day, it was Lara's secret, not hers and Sam was going to find out sooner or later without her help. "Fine. I promise. Just… take care of yourself."

Lara nodded. "Thank you Reyes." She walked away unsteadily on her feet and Reyes only realised later that she never gave her a direct answer.

Reyes watched her until climb the crow's nest, which she thought was a stupid idea considering Lara looked like she was about to faint any second now. Then, she went back to the kitchens. Sam was gone and Jonah was still preparing dinner. "Hey Jonah," Reyes said. "Could you keep an eye on Lara?"

Jonah looked up at her from the pot her was stirring. "Lara? Anything specific I'm looking for?"

"Just…keep an eye on her. She's not as fine as she tells herself."


	3. Chapter 3

For the sake of Lara's physical health, she's not at the top of the crow's nest.

* * *

A sudden gust of salt air scorched her wounds. Lara winced and she felt her lip tear again, the third time since she had been beaten by the Solarii. She gently touched the edge of her mouth and her fingers came back bloody. It wasn't her worst injury, but eventually every straw added its own weight. Several scars lacerated her body and were so serious, that they weren't going to fade. They were part of her, just like Yamatai.

Her head dropped five pounds for a second and the world blurred. Lara leaned back against the crate until she recovered. When she came to again, she realized she was looking in the direction of the island. The macabre events of the Yamatai were imprinted starkly in her memories. They were inevitability connected whether she liked it or not.

Her father's journal was in her lap, open to a page about Croatoan. There were notes in Cyrillic attached to the page with a paperclip. A map and some sketches of a rocky shore were stuck to the page with yellow tape. There was so much her father had written about Croatoan, but so little at the same time. She had been absorbed with all this history for the afternoon, losing herself in the mystery of the enigma. Eventually she had drifted away from her mind to watch to sunset, and how the light made the sea turn vermilion.

Her mind drifted the river of red that she had jumped into. She looked over the edge and saw something dark glimmering at the bottom of the cavern. She was outnumbered, and outgunned; there was only one way out. That had probably been the most disgusting moment in her life. Two weeks later she swore that the blood was still on her clothes, still on _her _not matter how much she washed herself.

"G'day. Mind if I sit here?" Lara looked over and saw Martian take a seat next to her. He took out a switchblade and Lara tensed, waiting for the slightest sign of violence. He flicked it open and began cleaning his nails. "Looking forward to seeing civilization again?" he asked.

Lara stared at him, analysing. "I suppose," she answered. Martian's fingers were covered with band aids, and his left hand was wrapped with cloth around the space between his thumb and forefinger. "How did you get those?" she asked flatly.

Martian looked his hand and shrugged. "Hand slipped while playing the knife game. I'm not as dexterous as Roy or Dan are," he looked at her and cocked his head. "But you look good with your hands. I reckon you could give them a run for their money."

Lara snatched the blade from his hand and stabbed it into the side of the crate, cutting Martian's sleeve in the process. Martian cried out and scrambled away from her.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" she snarled. "How much do you value your life when you bleed yourself just so you know whose dick is larger?" Her hand tightened around the hilt. "The world is not a friendly place- it will hurt you if you give it the opportunity and you're doing its job for it. It's stupidity like yours which are more of a threat than any bullet or arrow."

Martian stood up, a look of fear in his eyes. "You're crazy," he stated, and darted away.

Lara growled and leaned back against the crate. Why did she snap like that? She twirled the switchblade around her fingers, watching the edge glint in the light.

She saw the sight of the stone tip of the arrowhead, with its strange dull green sheen in the light of the fire. Her fingers were sweaty, hurting, as she let the arrow fly and knocked another, scanning for her next target. Screams as the fire consumed their flesh, their soul, rang in her ears. _How do you like a taste of your own medicine_? A silence as Lara sat still, pressed against the wall panting, straining her ears for an indication that it wasn't over. _Are they all dead? _ The men had useful things that she couldn't let go to waste, and some of their blood got on her hands as she searched the bodies.

It had become second nature to her. But it wasn't always like that.

Lara shook her head and touched her temple as she attempted to stave off the visions. Vladimir; she felt his coarse hand running down her hip and a sense of panic fill her. _Go away! _She wanted to yell, but only a whimper came out. She could taste blood on her tongue as her muscles strained to keep the gun away from her. There was a loud bang that nearly blasted her ears and the smell of sulfur mixed with ash and blood filled her nostrils. _What have I done? _ The question repeated itself over and over until she was frozen within its bounds. She had to do it, _It was just survival._

_Everything I've done, I did to survive. _Mathias yelled at her as he used her best friend as a shield.

A voice spoke in her ear. "How many lives have you taken to do the same?"

Lara flinched and scrambled up, drawing her pistol. She looked around for Mathias' malicious smirk, but there was just the wind. The voice was so clear, so real she was surprised he _wasn't _there. Lara holstered her gun again and slammed her fist into the metal.

That bastard. Mathias had inflicted so much pain on them and who knows how many others. Part of her wished that she had been able to watch the life choke out of him, but it was enough knowing that the carrion crows were tearing at his raw organs somewhere on the rocks.

The air seemed thin and Lara couldn't seem to get enough of it. Her heart drummed through her body. _Stop thinking, _she thought. _Breathe. _She took a slow, deep breath.

"Hey…" Lara snapped towards the sound and moved into a defensive stance, the switchblade held hidden behind her back at the ready. When she saw that it was Sam started breathing again and forced her muscles to relax. "I just ran into Martian," Sam continued, "he told me, and I quote, 'You're friend is crazy'. What did you say to him?"

Lara closed the switchblade and put it in her back pocket. "I kind of snapped at him," she admitted. It wasn't like he didn't deserve it. She pushed her hair back from her face. "I'll go apologise later."

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, walking up to her.

Lara forced a smile. "Just tired," she dismissed half-heartedly.

"Mmm…" Sam didn't look like she believed her but she didn't pursue the matter. For that, Lara was thankful. "Dinner's ready. Are you going to come?"

Lara sat back down on the floor and opened her journal. "I'm not hungry."

"Even after you missed lunch? Come on," Sam jested half-seriously. She kneeled down next to her. "A growing girl like you needs her proteins."

"I know." She ran a hand over her face. She really _should _eat something even though she didn't feel like it. "Maybe a few bites," she conceded.

"Great!" Sam grabbed her hand and dragged her up. Lara smiled and allowed her to pull her along.

They had Jonah's casserole which like always, was delicious. After eating unseasoned deer and fish on the island it was nice to have food from civilization. Even though she wasn't hungry when she came in, after a few bites stomach growled away any restraint and she ate two servings.

Afterwards, Jonah asked her to help with the washing.

"Don't take too long." Sam said with a smile.

"Huh" Lara asked, bemused.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "The movie, remember?"

Lara turned the tap on and rubbed the back of her head. "Oh, yeah. Sorry, I just…" she sighed. "Forgot," she finished lamely.

"Yeah you've been doing a lot of that recently," she remarked. "See you soon."

Lara watched her go and rubbed her temple. They were going to watch a movie together. How _could_ she forget?

"Lara the sink!" Jonah cried. Lara turned around and realised that the water was almost overflowing. She quickly turned the tap off and apologised. She pulled the plug and emptied the sink a little. "You've been forgetting a lot recently?" Jonah asked.

Lara began washing the plates. "Yeah it's just hard to focus sometimes."

"Has the medication been working?"

"I think so." To be honest she had run out of NSAIDs two days ago. She had been taking painkillers to keep the pain at bay though she knew she should really start taking antibiotics again.

"How are you sleeping?"

"Not nearly enough." Lara answered truthfully.

"Nightmares?"

"No…I'm just not used to staying asleep for so long." On Yamatai, she only caught a few scant minutes of rest before her adrenaline told her to keep moving. More importantly what was with the twenty questions? "Have you been talking to Reyes?" she asked, suddenly realising the truth.

Jonah didn't even hide it. "Yeah," he said.

Lara started scrubbing the pot. How did she not realise this before? Had she told Sam as well? "At least now I know how much her word is worth," she remarked.

"But Martian also told everyone how you almost stabbed him today." _Oh yeah that. _How could that not come back to bite her in the ass? "And you know Reyes; she wouldn't say anything unless it was serious."

Lara frowned and scrubbed the pot harder. Damn sauce stains.

Jonah continued. "I don't know what you went through on Yamatai but I know-"

"Jonah," Lara interrupted, throwing down the brush. She looked at him. "I know you and Reyes are just trying to help, and I appreciate that, I really do." She went back to her labour. "But I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself."

"I know little bird." The concern in his voice struck through her shell. "But whether you are is another matter." Lara sighed and rinsed the pot. "War is a storm. And I've seen some of my friends not cope so well when they emerge from their shelters and assess the damage. For one, you never seem to be happy."

"You just never see me happy." Lara responded. "It doesn't mean I'm not. My study keeps me busy." She allowed herself a small smile. "There's just so much to learn. Despite everything Yamatai was an archaeologist's dream… well, before I destroyed half the island. A lot of relics were surprisingly intact as well. And there were tombs just full of relics and treasure and statues throughout the island."

Jonah smiled "That's the Lara I know. My commander once said, 'Do what makes you happy, so long as it keeps you sane.'"

Lara chuckled wryly. _Sane. _Lara didn't know what that word meant these days, but it barely defined her. But she knew what was real and what wasn't, and that was enough.

"Go watch your movie with Sam," Jonah said, taking the half-washed dish from her hands. "I'll finish up here."

Lara started to protest. "There aren't many left-"

"Exactly so it's not going to take me long to clean the rest. Go, enjoy your night little bird."

Lara hesitated for a second then nodded and took the rubber gloves off. "Thanks Jonah. Good night."

Sam was lounging on her bed when she came in."You like making a girl wait don't you?" Sam jested with a smile.

Lara smirked. "Only if it's you." She checked that her weapons were still under her bed- something that had become a habit- and felt a sense of security when she saw the silver competition bow. Her assault rifle, shotgun and climbing axe were stored in a duffel bag.

"I think you're going to like this movie."

Lara put the weapons back and said sarcastically. "Yeah I really loved _Dear John_." Though she didn't think Martian would have chick flicks on his laptop.

Sam laughed. "Yeah you were so pissed. I'm surprised you stuck around."

Lara shrugged, walking over to Sam's bed. "Well, I made a promise. Besides, I got my revenge."

"Hmm, _28 Days Later_. You loved watching me shit myself didn't you?" She moved over so Lara could sit. "But I don't know. This movie seems a lot more relatable to you."

Lara scooted next to Sam and stretched her legs. Sam placed a pillow on their legs then the laptop on top so they had a better view but also to prevent their legs from burning. She clicked through a few folders and searched through what must have been five gigabytes of movies as Lara put the right earphone in her ear.

"_Taken_?" Lara asked as she opened the video.

Sam shrugged. "I haven't seen this movie yet and I wanted to choose something we both liked. Don't you like this movie?"

"Well…"

"Too bad we're watching it." Lara smiled and shook her head. Sam took out a block of chocolate from her jacket. "At least I have chocolate," she winked, waving it in front of her.

Lara raised an eyebrow, "I think you've got the wrong genre. And it's cooking chocolate."

Sam dismissed it and broke off a square as the movie began. "I couldn't find any popcorn and cooking chocolate is fine to eat." She handed Lara a square which she popped in her mouth.

The ship yawed suddenly, which almost sent them off the bed if Lara hadn't grabbed the edge. Sam grabbed onto Lara's arm. "What was that?" She asked as the ship regained its balance.

Lara got off the bed and looked through the porthole. It was hard to see because of the interior light but she could make out the faint streaks of rain. "It's just a storm," she told her, "Probably a light one but things might get a bit rough." She returned to the bed and noticed the slight furrow of Sam's brows, the twitch of her lips. "We'll be fine," Lara said.

Sam looked at her and put her head on her shoulder. "I hope so."

Lara leaned against Sam's head. The scent of her citrus shampoo still lingered after two weeks, albeit very faintly. The smell gave her comfort as it reminded her of her and Sam's days at University. Every Sunday night they would have a movie night where they would watch two or three movies that they took turns choosing.

Liam Neeson was just hearing his daughter get kidnapped. _I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. _Neeson, despite his estrangement from his daughter, loved her fiercely. Fiercely enough to kill enemies and harm innocents to save her.

Sam readjusted herself closer to Lara, nestling her head between her neck and shoulder. Lara smiled to herself as she remembered carrying Sam down the mountain. She was so exhausted as the adrenaline left her, her muscles were taut from soreness and despite the pain she was in, she felt happiness and relief warm her body. Mathias was dead. Himiko was vanquished. They were finally free to leave to island, to wake up from this accursed nightmare. And Sam was safe. Sam was safe.

Lara had spent half her time on the island trying to rescue her, it was ridiculous. She fought her way through an army of men and undead, suffered unimaginable pain that she could still not fathom; all to reach her best friend. She couldn't leave her behind. Getting shipwrecked on Yamatai was her fault, and after Grim died, she knew she couldn't let anyone die because of her again. Of course, that didn't happen, and Roth and Alex paid the price.

Lara breathed deeply. They were gone forever; she would never see them, never hear their voice again. Their blood was on her hands, but Reyes was right; they would be happy that their sacrifice wasn't in vain.

Talking with Reyes always put her in an irritable mood but she could respect her wisdom and experience. Her advice today was rather useless as it was nothing she hadn't figured out herself. She didn't know what she was looking for by talking to Reyes, but at least she knew it wasn't anything she could help with now.

Lara looked at Sam again. She was absorbed in the movie and looked…well normal. _Sam is safe, _she thought, wrapping an arm around her waist, _I saved her, and she's safe._ Relief washed over her and she held Sam tighter as the waves of dreariness pulled her in. _She's safe…_with Sam in her arms, Lara let herself succumb to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

If I offend anyone who has more medical knowledge than me; I apologise in advance.

* * *

Liam Neeson kicked ass. This movie was even more badass than Neeson. How could Sam not have seen it before? There were aspects of the film that had become infamous and was one of the better movies of this generation.

Neeson in some ways, reminded Sam of Lara. They were both badass; they were both victims of circumstance but dealt with it without complaint, and they both ended up saving the kidnapped (well, she believed that Neeson was going to save his daughter).

Lara had to wade through so much shit to rescue them. If Sam hadn't been so stupid to trust Mathias then things would have been easier. If she listened to Lara about Whitman then maybe she wouldn't have gotten kidnapped _twice. _If Lara hadn't saved her then Himiko would be pulling her strings right about now. She had never taken Lara's friendship for granted, but Sam had never been so grateful for her friend as she did now.

The arm around her waist tightened. Lara…it was nice to kick back and watch a movie with her. They hadn't really spent time together since they got rescued. Lara was busy with her archaeology stuff and Sam just drifted on the ship, talking with the crew. This was something normal; and normal was what she needed now.

Sam leaned back into Lara's strong arms. She was really warm. It was like the time she flickered in and out of consciousness as Lara carried her to safety. When her mind allowed her a moment of lucidness, she saw Lara's face in front of her, strong and determined. Being here, right now, in her saviour's arms seemed like a fairy tale where the prince saved the princess-wait what? Where was she going with this analogy?

Her body tingled and her chest tightened as she brushed away the thought.

_Okay…that was weird. _Sam ate another square of chocolate and shifted in her spot. Lightning cracked outside and made Sam jump. The ship rocked queasily and Sam held tighter onto Lara. At any moment lightning could rip the ship asunder and the waves could swamp their ship. At any moment she could be rocking on a rescue boat in the dark again, wondering if she was going to see the light. _But Lara said it was just a light storm right?_

"Hey how long do you think the storm's going to last?" she asked her. Lara didn't respond. Sam moved off her and turned around. Lara's head rolled to the side, fast asleep. Sam shook her shoulder. "Lara you're not allowed to sleep during our movie sessions." No answer. Sweat beaded on Lara's forehead, and her skin was clammy. _Shit. _"Lara!" she called louder, patting her on the cheek, "Wake up! Fuck." She moved the laptop away then put two fingers on her neck. Her pulse beat under her fingers but her skin was really warm. She checked her forehead with the back of her hand and found that it was burning.

"Fuck," she said and jumped off the bed.

Sam gritted her teeth then ran to find Jonah, Reyes-anyone. Lara was sick- that much was obvious but she wished she knew more about first aid, like how to tell what was fucking wrong. "Help!" she yelled as she ran through the ship, "Help! Please!" Where the fuck was everyone? "Help!"

"Sam," Jonah's voice sounded behind her. Sam turned around and felt her panic subside a little when he saw the big man. "What's wrong?"

"Lara she's…I don't know. She passed out while we were watching a movie and won't wake up…"

By the time she finished telling Jonah what happened they already made it back to her room. Jonah rushed over and leaned over Lara, checking…something. Sam waited anxiously at the end of the bed for Jonah's verdict. A minute later he pulled her flat on the bed, straightened and said, "She's asleep- probably passed out from exhaustion. She told me she hasn't been sleeping much. But the fever- I think one of her wounds is infected. The infection must be too strong for the antibiotics if it shut her body down and Lara mustn't have known which wound was infected to not treat it."

Sam stiffened as she remembered the stab wound at Lara's waist that she had told her about. Lara had went like what? Two days before getting it cauterized. And this afternoon… Sam hadn't seen the wound but the bandage was stained a little brown on the side.

"She knew…" Sam realised, moving next to Jonah. "There's no way she couldn't have." Sam pulled up Lara's shirt to reveal the dirty, blood stained bandage.

Jonah made a growling sound in his throat. "When did she get that?"

Sam was surprised Jonah didn't know. It wasn't like Lara to keep something this important to herself. "On the island," she said, unwrapping the bandage. "She fell directly on a rebar. She also went for a swim in a river of blood."

She peeled away the last of the gauze and caught her breath. The wound was way worse than Lara had described it. The skin around the wound was dark red-brown, getting blacker towards the stab but it was hard to tell where it actually was. Oozing from the puncture was dirty sulfur coloured pus mixed with blood. Sam covered her mouth and swallowed, trying to keep down her dinner.

"This is a traumatic wound." Jonah said, scrutinizing the dark burn. "She's going to need surgery to properly fix this. She's treated this but crudely." He dabbed the pus with the clean part of the bandage. "Keep an eye on her Sam, I'll be back."

Sam nodded as she watched Jonah jog out of the room. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched her muscles tremble in her slumber. Sam bit the bottom of her lip and tried to stay still. "Why didn't you tell me?" she growled at her, squeezing her hand.

After thirty seconds of trying to repress her anxiety, she got up and decided to get a damp towel to help with the fever. She looked in the drawer for a cloth, hand towel- anything that she could soak. She found a bottle of painkillers and remembered something Jonah had said about antibiotics. _Hmm… Bandages, gauze, scissors, _she listed the items in her mind as searched the drawer for them. "But no antibiotics," she said aloud.

She picked up the painkillers and instantly noticed the weight. Half the bottle had to be gone and it was. Sam had been aware that Lara had been taking meds often but she never really paid much attention to what she was taking.

Sam heard Jonah return and she quickly examined the area again for a washcloth. "Wow you idiot," she cursed, when she noticed the blue fabric in front of her. She dampened the towel then went back into the room to put the cloth on Lara's forehead. "Has anything changed?" he asked, examining Lara again.

"She's not been taking antibiotics," Sam stated bluntly.

Jonah snapped towards her. "What?"

She threw him the half- empty bottle. "She's been taking painkillers," she explained. "But I couldn't find any antibiotics. Maybe she ran out today-"

"She told me an hour ago that the medication was working fine."

Sam looked at Lara, realisation dawning on her. "So she hasn't been taking antibiotics?"

Jonah frowned, putting the painkillers on the floor before he began treating the wound. "It would explain the fever. Neglecting your medication even for a day can cause a world of trouble."

Sam moaned and paced the room. She clutched her head with her fingers. What the hell was Lara thinking not taking her meds? If she had just been taking pain pills did that mean she had a problem?

"When is she going to wake up?" Sam asked, sitting on Lara's bed.

"She's exhausted. She'll probably sleep for a while."

Sam clenched her jaw and lay down. Why hadn't Lara told her about this? Ever since Yamatai, Lara had been distant and lacked the mirth that Sam loved about her. Her memory of a gold fish didn't help either- though she didn't show it, it was rather awkward and depressing when she had to explain reality to someone whose attention was halfway in the clouds. What happened to them?

Or maybe she had been trying to tell her. The signs were there- the evading of the questions, the stoicism, the general fatigue of her every movement, the lack of appetite and her temperamental demeanour. She would go on but she didn't want to beat herself up anymore. The two times she talked to Lara today she had been agitated and detached. The whole world told her that something wasn't right but when Lara dismissed her concerns, she had just went along with the lie.

"I should have known," she told Jonah hollowly. "I should have asked about how she was. Gods," she rubbed her face. "She sleeps in the same room as me and I didn't know that she was deathly sick."

"You can't read minds Sam." Jonah said sympathetically. "She lied to me too. Lara's not been the same since what happened on Yamatai."

She rolled her eyes. "That much is obvious. But…." She growled. Was the real Lara still in there? She had to be. Just as there were signs of her change there were signs of her true character. But the former seemed to suppress the latter. "I don't know!" she exclaimed.

"I've seen this before." Jonah said, trying his best to reassure her. "A little distance is common for soldiers after war."

"She's not a soldier she's my best friend!" She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "But_ I _haven't been a very good one have I?"

Jonah glanced at her. "I don't think Lara could ask for a better friend. You're trying to get your head around this too."

"I've been selfish," she stated, standing up. "I've been absorbed with my own problems, when my best friend has been suffering. This is just a bit of stress and I can help her get over it. I would have helped her if she told me but she didn't. But now I know and she's going to need all the support she can get when she wakes."

"Yeah but-"

"I'll be there for her." She resolved. "I'm going to help her get better. She saved me; now it's my turn to save her."

Jonah stood up. "Sam I don't-"

"How is she?" She asked, walking over. The wound had been properly cleaned and tended but Lara was still shivering.

"Lara is fine." He handed her a box of NSAIDs . "Tell her to take these when she wakes. She should be fine tonight but if anything changes come get me." He folded his arms. "But I'm more worried about what you're doing."

Sam looked at Lara then back. "I'm not the one you need to worry about."

"One moment you were crazy with worry and suddenly you're determined to fix all her problems. Lara will need you but this seems like more than just a guilty conscience."

_Guilty conscience. _How could she not feel- _No, _she chided herself._ Self-pity isn't attractive._ She rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on more important matters."What do you mean?" she asked.

"You seem like you're trying too hard. To do what I don't exactly know."

Sam sighed. "I owe her Jonah," she said, "I owe her my life. So it's the least I can give her."

Jonah looked at her strangely. "Are you sure this is not…" he trailed off, seemingly unable to continue with the thought. Sam gave him a quizzical look. "Uhh, don't worry." He looked strangely uncomfortable. "But you need to be sure not to put too much pressure on yourself or on Lara. It won't end well for either of you."

"I won't," she promised. "And thanks Jonah. You're a lifesaver."

He smiled and started out the door. "Thank me when she's awake. Good night Sam."

"Night."

Sam sat next to Lara, realising how different she looked in her sleep. Lara shivered silently and slowly curled into a ball, burying her face in the pillow. Her chest rose and fell at first quickly, and then it slowed down and became steady. The fluttering of her eyelids eventually stopped and the tenseness of her form faded. It wasn't like the days back at university where her features were smooth during the day and night: now there was a clear juxtaposition between consciousness and her comatose.

Sam had never seen her so vulnerable. She wanted to wrap her arms around her, as if the contact would take away all her pain. _If only that were so. _

Sam brushed the hair away from Lara's face and kissed her forehead, letting her lips linger for an extra heartbeat.

_What was that?_ She thought as she moved back. Sam shook her head then went to turn off the lights. Girls kissed each other innocuously often but this felt different… _No it didn't. Stop thinking like that Sam. Don't be weird. _She settled on the bed and closed her eyes. "Good night sweetie," she said into the darkness.


	5. Chapter 5

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* * *

The light filtered hazily through her eyelids, rousing her from her slumber. Lara tried to keep the heavy lids up to discern the misty colours of her waking dreams but the world shadowed all tangibility and the lethargy of her mind pulled her back into its depths. The dusky, subconscious realm brought with it blissful peace and quiet. _Lara…? _

_Shut up…_ she thought sleepily, and tried to sink back into her dark paradise. But even those two tiny thoughts gave her a degree of consciousness and her eyes flickered open slowly. A blurry figure loomed over her, its shape barely distinct from the dim light behind it.

"Lara?" The figure asked. "Are you awake?"

Lara bolted onto her feet and backed away from the figure. Adrenaline rushed through her veins fuelling her every movement, her every thought. Her senses took in the scene at once: the room was small and there was only one way out, there was orange light streaming through the porthole, there was nothing around she could use for a weapon, her back was to the bathroom door, and as far as she knew, it was only Reyes in the room.

"Reyes?" Lara croaked. Suddenly the world clouded over and went black again.

As fast as it disappeared, it reappeared again. "…too fast Croft," she heard Reyes say somewhere in the distance. Lara struggled to keep her eyes open but was aware of Reyes' strong arms keeping her up. She felt her slack body being gently put back on the bed against the wall and saw Reyes retreat to stand in front of her. "Don't try standing again unless you want to faint again," she told her.

Lara rubbed her temples and squinted against the light. She looked around the room, trying to get her bearings with her head of cloud. The light from outside told her that it was either afternoon or early morning, and despite how foggy her mind was; she felt well-rested. "How long have I been asleep?" she wanted to say; but only a rasp came out. She tasted her mouth and found it as dry as the Sahara.

"Here," Reyes handed her two pills and a bottle of water. "Antibiotics."

Lara took the bottle and gulped down a mouthful of water first. Then she took the pills and drunk the rest of the water with fervour. She sighed deeply when she was done and stood up and stretched. Only then did she feel the throbbing pain from her side, beating in time with her pulse. She grimaced and grasped her waist, feeling the tightness of the bandage on her skin

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked; her voice hoarse from disuse.

"A day," Reyes answered. "Not a surprise though. How are you feeling?"

"Better than I have in a long time," she smiled. "But where's Sam? I thought I was watching a movie with her."

"You passed out, had a mild fever and haven't moved for a day." Reyes summarised bluntly.

Lara furrowed her brows and rubbed her jaw. "Passed out?"

"Your wound?" Reyes pointed out. "The one the metal rebar gave you? It's infected. But why am I telling you what you already know?"

Lara winced and held her side tighter as her flesh pounded. She could start to feel the fever again. "What is your point Reyes?"

"Why did you keep this a secret?"

She frowned. "I was treating it," she said, her voice hardening.

"Yeah and it was going so well that you stopped taking antibiotics." Lara was taken aback. How did she know? And if Reyes knew then everyone else must know too.

Lara was about to explain but Reyes stopped her by holding up a hand. "You know what don't tell me here. You don't just owe me an explanation; you owe Jonah and Sam one as well. Especially Sam." Lara cursed herself silently. How did Sam feel when she passed out? Reyes continued. "I pretty much had to force her out of this room. She wouldn't leave your side because she blames herself for what happened to you."

Lara rubbed her face. Knowing that an innocent person was bearing the brunt of her actions planted a seed of guilt in her heart. "That's stupid," she said, hoping it wasn't true. "Yamatai did this to me- Sam knows that."

Reyes started towards the door. "Well you can try convincing her otherwise when she sees you. No doubt you two are going to have a very interesting conversation. Are you feeling well enough to take a walk?"

Lara rubbed a thin layer of sweat off her forehead. "I think I might wash my face first. I'll go find you guys soon." When Reyes stayed at the door, watching her, she added, "That's usually when people leave."

Reyes folded her arms. "If you pass out again I'd rather be here to help you. But I'll wait outside." She retreated out of the room.

Lara went into the bathroom and turned on the tap. The water was cool against her heated palms and refreshing when she splashed it on her face.

Gods this was not the way she wanted everyone to find out. To be honest, she never kept it a secret but never bothered to tell anyone other than Sam either. What must this be like for her? Her heart kicked itself for making her best friend beat herself up because of a crime that was not her fault, and she felt even worse when she thought about the guilt Sam must be feeling.

_It'll be fine, _Lara told herself. _I'll sort it out.  
_

She ran her wet hands through her hair and retied her ponytail. Then, she went out to meet Reyes. "Ready?" Reyes asked. Lara nodded. "Good. Apparently they're up on deck."

The cool air was a nice sensation against her fevered skin. Sam was chatting with Jonah up on deck. She leaned against the rail and laughed- not the usual symptoms you would associate with a guilty conscience. Of course, hiding the truth from the outside world was a way some people used to dodge the truth themselves.

"Look who's awake." Reyes said.

Sam and Jonah turned around. "Lara!" Sam exclaimed. She charged towards her and hugged her so fiercely that it would have been sweet, if she wasn't choking her. She heard Sam's frantic ramblings in the background but all Lara was thinking of, was how she couldn't breathe.

"Sam," Lara managed, trying to pry her off. "You're strangling me."

Sam let go and scowled at her. Her muscles were tense and it was clear that she was barely able to repress her rage. Lara didn't think she had been this angry before. "You fucking deserve it!" she exclaimed. "What the hell were you thinking? Not telling us how bad a condition you're in and then neglecting to take your antibiotics?"

Lara closed her eyes for a second. She definitely had not expected this reaction considering Sam wasn't irascible. The ice looked very thin here. "I had it under control," she said carefully, "It wasn't as bad as it seems."

Sam shoved her shoulder roughly. Lara rubbed the pain out of her shoulder and stared at Sam. "How the hell can you say that?! You could have died and we wouldn't have known." Sam's eyes were brimming with tears, barely repressed. "What the fuck Lara?"

"Sam," Jonah said softly, and touched her arm. "Maybe you should back off a little, take a break."

Sam turned away and rubbed her brow. Lara shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what to say to make things better. "I'm sorry Sam," she said. That seemed like a good place to start. She turned to Jonah and Reyes. "Jonah, Reyes, I'm sorry too. I know you guys are just worried about me and I suppose I should have told you about it. I have problems; I can admit that. But you don't need to worry. I'm taking care of it."

Reyes was looking at her disapprovingly while Jonah was looking at her peculiarly. "Why didn't you tell me or Reyes about how bad your wound was?" Jonah asked. "You know I could have treated it properly."

"I didn't want to bother you guys."

"A ten minute stitch up would hardly be a bother," he remarked. "And if you were properly treated we would have been less worried."

Lara smiled faintly. "And that's why hindsight's a beautiful thing. But everything has changed. We all need to reconcile with this and you don't need other people's shit on top of that."

"Lara…" Sam turned around, frustration and pity tearing her apart. "I…think…we're allowed to worry about you and it's not your place to decide if we can or not." She hesitated. "As sweet as this is, your lack of trust in me hurts."

"I trust you Sam," Lara said quickly. "I never intended to give you that impression."

"I know." Sam hugged again, gentler this time. Despite the severity of the situation, Lara smiled to herself. Sam pulled back . "I _am _glad you're alright. It's just…you're not alone any more so stop acting like you are."

"Being alone on Yamatai- you needed to rely on yourself," Jonah said. Lara looked at him. "You grew independent."

"She's always been independent." Sam pointed out.

"That is true but because she was forced to defend herself and went through such trauma alone." He turned to Lara. "You went into a mindset where you couldn't rely on anyone but yourself. And now you're still in it."

Jonah didn't hit the bullseye but did hit the target. "I guess," she said. It was easier to agree then argue and have to explain.

"You know that you can come to me if you have any problems. I can never completely understand what you went through but I know how to help with PTSD."

_PTSD. _Post-traumatic Stress disorder. Lara didn't like the word and it wasn't something she would associate with herself, though she was aware of why someone would diagnose her with that condition. "I'll keep in mind the offer Jonah but I have everything under control." She tried to say sincerely. "A bit of fatigue and some medication- it's not that hard to take care of." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Reyes _still _frowning at her judgementally but she didn't say anything.

"Lara-" Jonah began.

"I'll take care of her Jonah," Sam interrupted. "I'll make sure she takes her meds, eats her greens and if she doesn't, I'll lock her in her room and throw away the key."

Lara blinked at Sam. "Lovely," she said flatly.

"Yeah well if I could trust you to be a good girl then we'll have no problem." Her tone was tinged with bitterness despite the joking smile she had.

Jonah looked between them. He eventually smiled and said, "I see you're in capable hands. But if you _ever _need help you know you can ask me at any time." Lara thanked him politely even though she probably wouldn't need his help. "All right. Could you come see me before we dock for repairs? I just want to check on your wound."

"Sure," she said. Jonah nodded then excused himself.

Reyes did not say a word for the entire conversation. When Lara finally turned to her directly she stared at her for a tense second then said simply, "Take care of yourself Lara," and then walked away.

Lara grimaced and rubbed the sweat off her forehead. There was no doubt the word choice was deliberate but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. It wasn't fair to unload her burdens on someone else; even more so when her troubles would bring more issues then they would solve.

"Hey," Sam nudged her. "Are you all right? You're spacing out again."

Lara looked at Sam and remembered what Reyes told her. "I was just thinking," she said, walking to the railing. Sam followed her earnestly. "What happened to me wasn't your fault."

Sam's expression fell. She speared her hands through her hair and sighed. "You got hurt trying to save me," she said simply.

"And Roth, Grimm and Alex died to save us," Lara countered. "Under the circumstances it was their choice and I could have ended up a lot worse. I got hurt because of Matthias, and because of misfortune- it's not your fault."

Sam winced. "Even so, I am your best friend and I should have figured from all the giant signs that something was up."

"You couldn't have known. I never told you."

"So why didn't you?!" Sam exclaimed. Lara flinched and felt the seeds of guilt sprout. At least she knew that it wasn't Sam who Sam was angry at.

Sam closed her eyes and shook her head. "I hate this," she said quietly, "I feel like I'm losing you. We used to tell each other everything and now…" Sam sighed and the silence filled in the rest of the thought. "I want to help you but how can I when you're not talking to me?"

Lara looked out at the sea to avoid meeting Sam's gaze. Those soft grey eyes would just pierce her heart. "It's hard to explain," she said. She could feel hear heart speed up but her brain demand more and more air. "Jonah was somewhat right."

"That you feel like you can't trust anyone but yourself?" Sam asked.

"I _do _trust you Sam, it's just…" Why did she feel like a dirty cheat? "_You_ don't understand what it's like to _kill_. That's a different world- one that you can't be a part of because there isn't that commonality there. I'm sorry."

Sam looked down. "I couldn't have stayed sane _or_ alive through this if you weren't there for me. So to know that you're going through this alone…" she winced again. "You say I can't be a part of that world but it doesn't mean I can't try." She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her against her. "But I'm part of a different world, and I want you to come back to it," she said in her ear.

Lara wrapped her arms around Sam's waist. _I want to but… _Sam was willing to take the pain away from her but that wasn't the problem. The problem here was that the value of the issue will be lost in translation and she would ever understand. Would it create a bigger divide between them? She didn't know. But she did know that both of them would get frustrated with the other for the lack of progress.

"I'm here Sam," she said. _But which Lara is saying that?_ , her mind whispered. The lie came easy to her. "If anything happens you'd be the first to know." She added. "You might not want to hear this after everything that happened but you're not going to get rid of me."

Sam disengaged from her and smiled. "Lucky me."


	6. Chapter 6

The ship docked on a secluded island for repairs and refuelling. Apparently the ship had suffered a few light damages during the storm. They had to vacate the ship for a few hours to allow the engineers to do their job. The captain suggested they go out an explore the place as it had some rather interesting shops. From the docks, they could see the markets off in the distance.

Sam didn't realise how affected she was by Yamatai until she saw the masses of people, pushing their way through the narrow streets. Any one of them could suddenly throw a bag over her head, any one of them could be concealing a gun, and any one of them could be as crazy as Mathias. She swallowed and looked at Lara who was frozen, hand at her waist, eyes bright and fixed on the crowd. If Sam was having all these paranoid thoughts, then she had a vague idea of the oppressive danger Lara must be feeling.

_Its just paranoia, _Sam told herself._ Chill. _

"Ready to go shopping?" Sam asked Lara, trying to be cheerful. If she showed fear then Lara might not be able to overcome _her_ paranoia.

"Do you ever have this feeling that everyone is staring and sizing you up?" Lara asked, unblinking.

"Yeah but I've always liked the attention." She gingerly moved Lara's hand away from her station at the holster. "I feel it too," she said sympathetically. "But it's just paranoia. People's imaginations are one of the most powerful forces in the world. You can't let it control you."

"Yeah..." Lara slowly breathed and nodded. She smiled half-heartedly at Sam then started towards the markets.

The island had a diverse local market which reminded Sam of the night markets in Hong Kong. The stalls sold niche little trinkets made of shells and colourful twine, plaited to look tribal and indigenous. Soon enough, the shopaholic within her emerged and she forgot what she had been so afraid of. She brought two pieces from one store- one a silver and green bracelet and the other a stainless steel triangular symbol on a leather cord.

She put the bracelet on but had trouble fastening the lock on the necklace. Lara helped her with the clasp and said, "You're not going to wear those for more than a month."

Sam snorted. "I'll probably lose them before a month passes." They browsed another store and she picked up a circlet made from golden twigs or something with an aquamarine set in the centre. "Here try this." She placed the circlet gently on Lara's head.

Lara looked in the mirror and scrutinized herself. "Yes," the store owner said in broken English, "You look very pretty with it."

"No thanks," Lara apologised and handed it back to him. Sam raised an eyebrow at her. "What?" She shrugged. "I think I'm more of a baseball cap girl."

Sam pouted. "You underestimate how beautiful you look you know that?"

"And you overestimate my desire to dress up as a princess." Lara retorted, folding her arms. "Besides, you're far better at playing the damsel as we all know."

"You know what," Sam grinned, playing along, "I _am _the princess. And my hero has to save me from the perils of my sore legs."

Lara rolled her eyes and smiled. "Would you like me to find you a chair Your Majesty?"

"Aww, don't you want to carry Your Magnificent again?"

"If Your Vanity doesn't mind being dropped then hop on!"

Sam smirked. She would have liked to jump on Lara just to embarrass her if she didn't know that Lara _would _probably drop her out of exhaustion and pain. Instead she just grabbed her hand and forced her to continue to shop with her.

They browsed several more stores selling food on skewers; books- Lara was interested in those until she saw they were weird, erotic novels; and clothes to match the temperate climate. They bought a few new clothes so they wouldn't have to wear the sailor's extra ones anymore. There was also a pet store- well, fish store which sold different types of tropical fish. Sam leaned down to examine a lone white arowana marked at 50 000 local currency. The fish was long and rectangular but other than its irregular shape, Sam couldn't why it was worth 50 000 bucks.

"I think that man's following us," Lara said to her. Sam straightened and turned around. Lara stepped to the right, so Sam was able to see who she was alluding to and look like she was just talking to her friend. The subtleness of the paranoia alarmed her more than the guy with a light blue t-shirt who was handing out pamphlets. He looked chilled and carefree, selling whatever he was hawking with obvious success- not the type of person who would be threatening.

Sam laughed lightly. "Yeah and that girl and her mother are spies for the Russian government," she said sarcastically. Lara frowned, obviously displeased by her jesting. She put a hand on her shoulder. "Relax sweetie its just the paranoia. That guy is just doing his job and you're just stressed. This is no longer Yamatai. It's hard, but you need to try to relax. Now come on!" She took her hand and started dragging her to another store.

"Could we go to the toilet first?" Lara asked, pulling her hand free. Sam looked back and noticed Lara was really tense but lax at the same time, like she was forcing herself to relax.

"You okay?" Sam asked. Lara still had a fever but she didn't look as clammy as she did before. That didn't mean that something was seriously wrong with her.

"Yeah," she rubbed the bridge of her nose where a red scar slashed the skin. "I just need to wash my face."

Sam scrutinized her. Though Lara said that she was going to tell her if something was wrong she knew how obstinate Lara could be in regards to accepting help- the past few days was evidence of that. "Hmm all right," she agreed. "Maybe these guys will have some lavatories."

They went into the fish store and Sam asked the owner if her friend could use their toilets. At first the man denied them but after Sam cajoled him he gave them the wooden block with the key attached.

Sam folded her arms and looked back at the life of the markets out of the dirty alleyway while she waited. It was sweet that Lara had everyone's best interests at heart but she was glad she was finally taking care of herself. Lara had opened up and that they were fine again…well, sort of. It was going to take some time before things went back to normal but at least Lara wasn't pushing her away any more.

When they got to Tokyo, Lara was going to need surgery and Sam was going to be there by her side, taking care of her until she was better again. If she couldn't help her mentally then helping her physically was the least she could do.

A hand clamped down hard on her mouth and an arm wrapped around her neck. Sam screamed in sudden panic but the sound was muffled by the hand. She clawed at the arm in frenzy but the man was too strong and he was dragging her deeper into the alley. Sam stomped the man's foot as hard as she could then tried to make a break for it as his grip slackened. "He-" she hadn't taken one step he had her again.

He turned her to face the belly of the alley and dragged her to the ground. "Shhh, go to sleep," he whispered above her. Sam flailed wildly and tried beating the man's head as she felt herself lose air, lose consciousness.

"Sam!" she heard Lara cry. The hand on her mouth disappeared and the arm around her throat loosened. She heard a yell and then it cut off with a higher-pitched scream. The pressure around her body disappeared. Sam scrambled out of the way and turned around, stunned.

It was the man with the light blue t-shirt. The guy Lara had pointed out.

The man turned around to face Lara revealing the stream of blood running down his back. There was a switchblade held backward in Lara's bloodstained hand that was broken. Without hesitation, Lara discarded the broken weapon and charged the man, pinning him against the alley wall with her forearm. Lara drew her pistol and that was all Sam needed to snap out of her daze.

Sam rushed forward and caught Lara's wrist. "What the hell are you doing?" she hissed.

"Killing him," she declared bluntly. The man was trying to fight back so Lara knocked him unconscious by smashing his nose.

She cocked the gun but Sam gripped her wrist, trying to pull it away. "Do you want to be convicted of murder? He's down, leave him."

"It _doesn't_ matter." Sam could feel the muscles under her palm tighten. Lara met her eyes. The cold determination in them burned through her defences and made her want to hide. "I went through all of Yamatai to save you," she growled. "I'm not going to let this _bastard _hurt you." She turned back and wretched her wrist free.

"Lara please!" Sam pleaded. She could hear the fear in her own voice.

Lara clenched her jaw but didn't pull the trigger. She didn't move either. Her eyes retained the same dark resolve and never broke contact with her prey. Her fingers stayed anxiously still on the trigger, frozen.

Sam watched her apprehensively; didn't move, didn't dare to. One slight movement could trigger an unwanted reflex. Why was Lara doing this? She didn't have to kill the man and it wasn't in her nature to be violent. But then again, nothing was the same with Lara now was it?

She should have realised. Lara had already been lost. But she had been too afraid to admit it. Yamatai had taken her, and now it was a part of her as much as she was a part of this world. The thought chilled her to the bone and she felt a sense of hopeless drift over her.

Lara's forefinger twitched, ever so slightly, seemingly subconsciously. She was going to kill him wasn't she?

"Lara," Sam pleaded again. She had to try. She couldn't let her friend do something that would doom her. "Please."

Three more tense seconds passed before something passed over Lara's face and she slowly lowered the gun. She took a few steps back, letting the limp body slide to the floor. Sam didn't dare breathe as Lara stared at the bloodstain on the wall. Keeping her eyes down, Lara holstered the pistol and unbuckled the holster. She held it out to Sam.

"I think it's best you hold onto this," she said quietly. Her voice was really shaky, as was her hands. Sam took the holster from her bloodstained hands, trying to meet Lara's eyes but kept hers averted. "I…I'm going to take a walk."

Lara ran her hands through her hair and walked away as Sam stood there with a gun in her hand, and a bleeding man on the floor.


	7. Chapter 7

The stars twinkled above her, millions of tiny lights blinking in and out of existence. Half the sky was scattered with them, far more than what you could see in the cities. When Lara and her father went on camping trips, she would sleep outside so she could fall asleep whilst tracing constellations in the air with her forefinger. It beat counting sheep.

Lara saw the seven main stars of Orion to her right. Her eyes connected the stars together to form the sharp torso and robe of the hunter. She remembered the myths associated with the constellation: Orion boasted he was the greatest hunter- even suppressing Artemis. He was extremely adroit with the bow, as was Lara, but Orion hunted animals while she hunted men.

_Do it. _She remembered Mathias' voice whispering in her ear as she held the gun. Yet as the seconds passed, it transformed into something more like her own. _It's what needs to be done. He tried to hurt Sam. End it before it gets worse. _

Lara clenched her jaw and closed her eyes, folding her arms behind her head. She should have killed the man as soon as she saw what was happening and she shouldn't have been chatting with Sam while the threat was still there. She made two mistakes today and she would have made a third if Sam didn't stop her. Her hesitation would have cost her on the island so she never hesitated, only gave into her natural instinct. So to hesitate now…

There came a tentative voice behind her "Lara?" Lara listened to the steps until they stopped a foot behind her head. Then, she recited:

"_Thus does conscious make cowards of us all_

_And thus the native hue of resolution,_

_Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought_."

"Hamlet?" Sam asked. Lara opened her eyes and smiled grimly. "That's dramatic."

"I think it's rather apt."

Sam sat down next to her, dangling her legs over the edge of the crate. Lara listened to the hush of the ocean as it lapped at the waves rolled over each other. "What happened after I left?" she asked.

"I called the paramedics and the cops but got out of there before they arrived." Sam answered. "I didn't want to have to explain what happened."

"Huh." Justice was going to be swayed by sympathy, that much was obvious. But it was none of her business any more. She should really leave it. _You should have killed him, _her mind whispered.

"I've been looking for you all afternoon," Sam tried to say lightly, but failing. "I was worried when you didn't show up for dinner."

"Really?" she answered flatly. The clouds darkened the sky and her voice lowered, "You're not afraid?"

"No," she was unwavering in her answer. "I know you would never hurt me."

"Are you sure?" Sam didn't respond and that was all the answer Lara needed. "You should probably keep your distance. People around me have a tendency to end up dead."

It was a moment before Sam answered. "I don't think there's a safer place to be then with you."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yeah," she affirmed, "I do. Even when you're not intentionally doing it, you're trying to protect me. I just wish you would allow me to help you."

Lara looked over at Sam and found her looking back with those soft eyes of hers. It made her heart break and she felt all the guilt and fear collapse in on itself. These past days- she had thought she had been doing the right thing but...She couldn't lie to her any more. If she was going to hurt and distance herself from her best friend, at least she would know it was never her intention.

She sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. The ocean was silver under the moonlight and the waves lapped against the hull. "I see them you know," she murmured quietly. "The men I've killed. Vladimir…Mathias and so many other nameless men whose existence I ended with a bullet or an arrow… Mathias, I hear him sometimes, whispering in my ear."

"You know they're not real-"

"I'm aware of that!" Lara snapped. She touched her temple as the edge of her world blurred. "I'm not crazy Sam," she grated out, "I know they are not real." She glanced over at Sam and noticed that the edge of her lip was quivering. "I'm sorry," she blurted out quickly. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Sam's expression softened. "I know." She put a hand on her shoulder. The touch would have been comforting, if it didn't feel so forced. "I...I get why you would feel guilty-"

Lara shook her hand off. "I _don't_ feel guilty," she corrected sternly.

She looked at her hands and swallowed. They were clean, but she could see the red coating- a second skin. There was so much blood on them that she never bothered to wash off. It wasn't that it _there _that bothered her, it was that she _didn't care _that it was there. Her voice broke when she spoke again. "And that's what scares me Sam."

She looked at Sam and felt her eyes begin to water. She growled and clenched her fists until they hurt, squeezing her eyes tight. "There's a _cold_ rage inside of me," she admitted, feeling her muscles tremble. "I can feel it _seething _… raging against me- against the world. _How_ are you meant to become a killing machine and then suddenly turn it off? How do you control something like that?"

She stood. "What separates humans from animals is their ability to think and their capacity for compassion." She looked down at Sam and saw the fear she evoked. "So when you take that away, when you're left with _nothing_ but the instinct of survival compelling you through life, what more does that make you other than a beast?" Lara looked at Sam again and saw that she was looking away from her. Despite all the assurance and hope, everyone had to face reality sooner or later.

Lara laughed sarcastically and dropped down from the edge of the crate. It was a decent drop and she landed roughly on her knees. Her hip flared up but she was numb to it. She ran to the edge of the railing, pounded the metal and spread her arms to the world, daring it to challenge her.

"Come on!" she yelled. "Listen to me everyone, sprouting this psychological bullshit. I'm a monster and an archaeologist but who says I can't be a psychologist too? " She lowered her arms as she regained a degree of thought. Behind her, she could hear Sam run up to her.

Lara's voice was quiet when she spoke again. "But I've never had this much time to think...On Yamatai I was always moving. I couldn't think about what I was doing, I had to go with my instinct or I would die. And now," she shrugged, "this brief moment of consciousness has become uncontrollable. Thought was Hamlet's downfall and now I suppose it's going to be mine."

An arm wrapped around her shoulder and pulled her close. Lara resisted for a second then gave up to Sam's embrace, feeling her warmth seep into her cold skin. There was something sedating about the gentle touch against a wild animal.

She held her for a minute until the sea of fury inside her retreated into a calm lull. "You're not a monster," she said softly, slowly. "I can't pretend to begin to understand what you went through, but I know you're a survivor. You're cold to the deaths of those who tried to hurt you but believe me; you're not cold at heart."

"I've killed so many people," Lara said numbly. "And the only remorse I have is the one I tell myself I should be having."

Sam pulled away from her and took a step forward, taking her hands in hers. "Tell me," she said, looking her in the eyes, "What stopped you from shooting him today?"

Lara remembered the memory echoing back to her. _"Lara," Sam pleaded_. She could hear the fear in her voice, feel it in the tension of the atmosphere. Sam was afraid. Afraid of _her. "Please."_

"You did," Lara murmured, holding her gaze. "I scared you. I was going to hurt you. And I realised what I'd become. You were all that mattered on Yamatai...and I let you down."

The edge of Sam's lips twitched upwards. "You always have a good heart," she said, squeezing her hands. "You never lost sight of what you fought for, even when the darkness pulled you in. Now you just need to keep in mind what's important that light will never go out." She leaned in and kissed the edge of her mouth, not her cheek but not quite her lips either.

Lara blinked. Now if Sam had just pecked her on the lips then she wouldn't have though much of it; but…there was no doubt she did that deliberately. _So... what did it mean?_ she thought. Well one thing she was certain of was that Sam definitely knew how to make her feel better.

While Lara was bemused, Sam took out Lara's pistol and offered it to her. "Here, this is yours."

Lara looked at the gun and grimaced. She took it carefully from Sam's hand, feeling the grip mould to her hand instantly. She inspected the condition of the gun and in less than a second, she checked the number of bullets she had and reloaded the clip. She looked up at Sam and saw the slight amazement in which she watched her move. It was amazing how in two days she was as proficient as a soldier who trained for five years.

_And how in two days I've become more dangerous than the entire military. _Even now, in the peace, she felt a irrational compulsion to use it, just to make things easier. Even now, she could feel the merciless anger spreading up through the weapon, seeping into her veins and penetrating her heart. "Hold on to it," she said, thrusting it back at Sam.

Sam pressed her lips in a line, but took the pistol. "You know I wouldn't give it back to you if I thought you were going to shoot someone," she said. "It's Roth's any ways; I feel wrong having it."

"I…" Lara squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed her forehead. "I don't trust myself." It was different now, in the quiet, secluded micro-world of the ship. There was no pressure and she could control her urges better than amidst crowds. But once she got off the ship..._There's no way anyone's safe. _She opened her eyes and locked them with Sam's. "But… I trust you. Give it back when you think I'm sane enough to handle it."

Sam looked at her, head cocked slightly. She finally said. "Okay," tucking the gun back in the back of her belt. "What do you want me to do?"

Lara sighed. It was strange having Sam offer her help instead of just giving it, and a sign of the delicacy of their relationship. Still, part of her wanted to shelter Sam from her demons but all that was doing was hurting both of them. "I… don't want to lose you," she confessed, wrapping her arms tentatively around her friend. There was a comfort that Sam could give her that neither Jonah nor Reyes could, and that was what she needed right now. "I need you."

Sam held her in her arms, brushing her fingers gently on the back of her neck. "I'm here," she whispered back in her ear. "You know I'll always be." Sam held onto her tighter, increasing the ache of her tender wounds. But Lara didn't feel it, Sam's touch took away all the pain.

**END OF PART 1**


	8. PART II- Chapter 8

Thanks for the support guys. =D  
Sorry for the gap between the last upload and this. With exams just around the corner, this is probably going to be the only upload for a while.  
Enjoy!

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The page sat before her, blank. Lara racked her brains for details of the statue of Himiko in the burial chamber. The pencil scratched against the book, making a jagged mess of the quality paper. _Screw this, _she thought. She growled and ripped the drawing out of her journal, throwing it on the floor.

Her phone lay at the corner of the table, asleep. Lara stared at it for a moment, grimacing. Then her anxiety burst the dam and she grabbed it and began combing through Google News again.

Google News had nothing so she searched Twitter and the blogs instead. _That_ came up with a result. _New Discovery in the Dragon's Triangle…_one of the titles read. _The Lost City of Yamatai... Over 50 shipwrecks on Yamatai…How Did They Survive? _The last one caught her attention and she tapped on the article.

'_A fortnight ago, the SS Stratus cargo ship arrived at Tokyo's docks, bringing not only furniture with them…_"

Lara skimmed through the context of the article until something caught her eye.

'_One of the survivors, Samantha Nishimura, described the people on this lost land as 'a murderous cult that were driven insane by their need for salvation.' She continues to describe the circumstances of their escape; how 'three brave people' were left behind and how Lara Croft, one of her fellow survivors, put herself 'on the frontline' to protect them._

_So far, there have been 119 bodies found on Yamatai- all either killed with a bullet or an arrow. Some of them weren't killed quickly- they were speared through the face with an arrow and some showed signs of repeated brutality. What really happened on the island will remain a mystery until more information is disclosed, but from the comments made by Miss Nishimura, it is rumoured that Miss Croft was responsible for these sadistic acts.'_

Lara rubbed her jaw frantically. The article ended with a phrase that made her stomach twist itself.

'_There is a line our soldiers and diggers fighting in Afghanistan have to cross for the honor of our country and for the promise of peace. Miss Nishimura claims that their morals were intact when they left; but on an island where one is forced to murder and abandon their friends to stay alive, how much of your humanity is _really _left after that is all over?'_

Lara tossed her phone back on the table and ran her hands through her hair restlessly. _They weren't fair, _she thought. She had seen Sam's statement before and it was _definitely _not defamatory.

"_We only made it off there through the sacrifice of three brave people and through the efforts of Lara, Reyes and Jonah," _Sam had said to the cameras. She hadn't wanted to speak about their adventures but her father could be quite persuasive. "_Nothing on that island was easy-except giving up your morals, but that didn't happen and they persevered through to get us out. If they didn't put themselves on the frontline then we wouldn't have made it out alive."_

Though Lara was skeptical of her speech at first, she changed her mind when she heard how respectful Sam was to the truth. But now these bastards were twisting her words, arranging the facts to suit their version of the truth.

And there were so many truths…

"Hmm…." Lara looked over and saw a woman reading a newspaper. How long had she been sitting there? Was she there when she came into the hotel lobby? _Dammit Croft you're slipping. _

"Have you heard about this Lara Croft?" the woman asked, looking at her. The newspaper was Japanese, but the woman spoke with cultured English accent. "According to the Japanese Times; she sustained horrific injuries from her exploits on Yamatai- probably given to her by those savage cultists."

Lara looked at the woman. Her face was obscured by a large navy blue hoodie and sunglasses but she seemed familiar- how, she knew not. Lara wasn't quite sure why the woman was chatting with her and it was ironic that she didn't recognise her. "Maybe she just fell," Lara answered.

The woman barked a laugh. It was a harsh sound, almost masculine. "Yes, maybe she should have killed her two left feet." She turned a page. "_Tsk tsk tsk. _Have you read these stories on her? It's all bias. _Slanderous_ lies."

Lara picked at the edge of her journal. "And how can you be so sure?" she asked. "What do you know about her?"

She snorted. "You could say the same for these daws couldn't you?"

Lara allowed a smile to ghost her lips. "I suppose."

The woman was right. _What do they know about me? It's all a lie. _She took a slow, deep breath. _So stop believing it. _

"It doesn't stop them from making up stories on her." The woman continued, leaning back in the sofa and straightening the paper. "Poor girl; she's just got out of the hospital and the vultures have already descended. "

"What?" she exclaimed. Lara felt her apprehension descend down again. It happened two hours ago and it was already making headlines?

She snatched her phone up and began to search through Google again. There were several new headlines that she had previously disregarded because she had been searching through blogs, instead of just generally. She tapped on one of them to see the video they had, but it was buffering way to slow. "Hurry up," she growled silently. Every second felt like a minute and she had waited fifteen minutes before she stood up restlessly. She needed to see what they were saying about her. Now.

She turned back to the woman. "I have to…" she trailed off as she realised she wasn't there anymore. "Uhh…right?" The woman had probably left while she was transfixed on her phone. She shouldn't have been surprised, considering how aloof she had become.

Lara shook away the thought and took the elevator up to her room. The tapping of her foot against the floor only increased her anxiety and she started pacing the few square metres. When the elevator stopped to pick up someone else, she cursed silently and began tapping her foot again. Why didn't she just take the stairs?

When she finally got to her floor, she almost ran to her room. She turned on the television and flicked through the channels until she found CNN International. They were a 24-hour news channel so they must have reported on what happened already.

Lara slung her bag off and sat down. She leaned forward in her chair as she watched the news roll by. It was the hour, so they were going through the day's top stories. Corporation troubles, politics, and a section devoted to the feature of the hour- Lara Croft.

There were a few aerial shots of Yamatai- Lara recognised the dilapidated Shanty Town, the ruins of Himiko's castle and the _Endurance _shipwreck. It then switched to a video of her, where they had ambushed her in front of the hospital earlier today.

The crowd had surged towards her, barely leaving her enough room to breathe. The bright lights flashed between cameras and muzzles and for a moment, she felt inundated by a sea of hostility. The air had become thin and she tried taking quicker and quicker breaths but she could still feel her mind slipping, dragged down by the morphine. And then a strong, firm hand helped her stand again and pushed the crowd back. Jonah said something she didn't remember. Then he turned to her and nodded encouragingly.

Lara shook her head of the memory and focused on what she was saying on T.V.

_It is true that my crew and I have discovered Yamatai, _she had said. Her tone was quite rigid, her words rehearsed. Jonah had warned her to practice what she was going to saw to avoid being inundated by the reporters. _It is a landmark discovery for archaeologists, historians and anthropologists everywhere as it holds so many answers to questions that we have asked of our history and raises more that will help us understand our evolution. _She stopped talking as someone asked her a question; however the words were inaudible on the tape. She saw her eyes widen in shock then her brow furrow and her jaw clench.

Lara switched the television off before she could hear the rest of the coverage. She leaned back and rubbed her face as she remembered what the reporter had asked her. _So do you think the lives of four people are a reasonable price to pay for this discovery?_ Before Lara could even fathom the audacity of the question it had been overwhelmed by others.

_How do you feel about leaving your friends behind while you escaped?_

_Did you kill Dr James Whitman? _

_How do you feel knowing your thirst for glory caused the death of your friends?_

Wow, she had lost it then. She had snapped at the reporters and only the lingering effects of the morphine and the sensitivity of her recent surgery prevented her from biting their ears off. Jonah, who had stayed with her during the surgery and acted as bodyguard today, had to drag her away while shielding her from the tabloids.

Lara rubbed her eyes and blinked hard, trying to forget the pain. She picked up her bag at her feet and riffled through it until she found the painkillers the doctor had given her, along with the prescription. They were one of the strongest brands so she was only meant to take two every six hours as needed. She had already taken two pills 4 hours ago and the pain had stared to come back. Surely it would be fine to take another two now?

She stared at the bottle for a moment then sighed and dumped it back in her bag. The last thing she needed was to OD on drugs. _  
_

There was a buzz on the table that made her jump- literally. She almost tripped over the chair as she leaped to her feet. A second later her ringtone started playing. Lara shook her head and took a gulp of water before swiping the screen.

"Five rings," Sam said amidst a muffled background. "Getting too busy for normal people like me?"

Lara laughed. Gods it was nice hearing her voice again. She was one of the only people that didn't judge her these days. "I'll always have time for you," she said. "Besides, I would hardly call you normal."

Sam scoffed. "Gee if that's how you pick up guys it's a good thing you're hot."

Lara rolled her eyes. Sam's playful banter always had a way of cheering her up. "Lucky me." She leaned against the table. "So how's Miss Whitman? I hope you were tactful."

Sam snorted. "You try saying one nice thing about _James Whitman_." The background noise slowly disappeared. "You can see Miss Whitman's acting tonight but to sum it up in one word: satisfied."

"Really?" That was hard to believe. Whitman was getting a divorce before he went on the expedition but it was hard to believe that someone could be that cold.

"Hang on," she told her. The sound muted for a few seconds then Sam returned and continued. "Well she was sad at first…" she explained, "But then she got angry. Apparently Whitman had an affair with a 22 year old girl and there was something about how him and his ego deserved what they got."

"Whitman had an affair? I can't believe- actually yeah I can. Whitman was always married to himself and anyone else was just his mistress."

"I know but I can see why Shilea and Whitman fell in love. Despite how much she hated him she pretty much told me that she was going to act the mourning widow because it's more lucrative."

Lara frowned. "She said that?"

"No…but I've bluffed my way past my dad before so I know how to pick out a lie as subtle as it is. She's pretty much Whitman's reflection- weaker and even more superficial."

"Sounds like you had fun."

"So much." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Lara smirked. "Is this the last your dad's asked of you?"

Sam sighed. "I hope so. He'll definitely be happy with the results but when he sees an opportunity he'll squeeze it dry before he lets go." Lara winced. She wished there was something she could do to get Sam's dad to back off but if his own daughter couldn't talk some sense into him, then what chance did she have?

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Umm…" There was a suspicious pause. "No, no… I don't think so."

"Sam if there's anything-"

"Look I'll be back a day," she interrupted. "I hope you've been nice to the reporters."

Now _that_ made Lara laugh. "Let's just say I gave as good as I got." _And it did nothing to help me, _she a few hours the whole world was going to know how psycho the young archaeologist was and she couldn't do anything about it. "Gods I really hope your back soon," she said sombrely.

There was a knock at the door. Her heart jumped into her throat and she glanced around scanning the room for an escape route. She chastised herself when she realised it was probably the hotel cleaners or- god and all that was kind in the world forbid- journalists. She swallowed then went to answer the door.

Sam snickered. "It's just another twenty-four hours. Think you can survive that long?"

Lara pulled the door open towards her and stared, dumbstruck.

"Or do you miss me that much?" Sam finished with a smug grin.

Lara was speechless as a plethora of thoughts and feelings ran through her mind. She tried speaking but she couldn't hold onto a thought for long enough to attain any action from it. She said the first thought that she managed to grasp. "Great."

Sam blinked. "Okay…not the reaction I was going for…"

Lara laughed at the absurdity. "Sorry Sam," she threw her arms around her friend, laughing. Sam grinned and held her so tight that side felt like it had been cauterized again, but Lara didn't care. It was so good to have Sam with her again. The void that had been draining her had suddenly been filled.

When she finally pulled away, there were tears in her eyes. She laughed again and wiped them away. Gods it hurt to laugh. "You troll," she accused, pushing her lightly.

Sam shrugged and strolled into the room. "What can I say? I like keeping people on their toes." Lara had no argument there. Sam was notorious for being a tease. She waltzed straight over to the mini-bar and began ransacking through its contents. "So what was with the dejected greeting? It's like I kicked your dog or something."

Lara threw the phone onto the bed then lay down. "Yeah…I've just been stalked by reporters for a while." She watched Sam examine a bottle of sparkling water. "Jonah dropped me off then acted as a decoy while I went through a mall then took a cab to get here. Excessive, I know, but…people can be quite relentless. No one knew where I was, even Jonah. So if you were able to find me it's not going to be long before the others do."

Sam stopped rummaging for a moment and looked at her peculiarly. "You talk about them like their trying to kill you," she noted.

Lara chuckled cynically. "It's at times like these where I wish I was back on Yamatai with my bow."

"Huh."

"It was a joke," Lara elucidated.

"I know." She closed the minibar and came to lounge next to her with a bottle of beer and a small can of Pringles. "As for finding you…let's just say being the daughter of a media mogul has its benefits."

"I would imagine." Sam's uncle was a millionaire, her father was a powerful force in the media and her mother was a famous model. Of course, they would have a huge pull on the world.

Sam crunched a crisp and stared at her, her eyebrow slightly raised. Lara looked around the room uncomfortably, feeling like she was being scrutinized. "You know, I went to visit you at the hospital first," Sam stated. "But you weren't there. The doctor told me you checked out this afternoon." Her voice hardened. "One day before they gave you the all clear."

Lara propped herself up on an elbow, frowning. "Don't exaggerate," she accused. "They _recommended _me to stay for another day. They never said it was necessary."

"Since when were you one to go against the doctor's orders? " she accused.

Lara got off the bed and walked to the window. "_Recommendations," _she corrected, trying to repress her annoyance. "I felt well enough to leave. The doctor said I was recovering well and the pain is bearable with painkillers." She smiled lightly. "Plus it's funny what you hear when the nurses think you don't understand Japanese." Sam gave her a look. Lara cleared her throat and tapped the window sill. "And I would have started climbing up the walls if I stayed. That or I would have killed myself from boredom."

"Isn't that the purpose of morphine?" Sam asked. "To keep you sedated enough so you _can't_ get bored?"

Lara rubbed the back of her neck, looking out the window. "And that's the second reason why I couldn't stay." She fidgeted with her pendant. "The morphine…it took away the pain but also my senses." She could still feel it in her blood, soaking up her energy. "I felt helpless, vulnerable- not like I was in a condition to care. But when it was gone…" _I wanted more, _she thought, _I _needed_ more._

On the ship, the painkillers she had taken had been standard, and barely able to repress the infection. Yet in a few drops, morphine provided her with more relief than a few pills ever could. And once she had tasted its bliss, she didn't want to go back to touching the world.

It was dangerous- she wouldn't have survived if she gave into the same weakness on Yamatai. It was the fear and determination that kept the adrenaline pumping and _her_ knew it was wrong and that she was descending into a new danger of its own so she had to get out before it got worse.

She didn't want to tell Sam that though she didn't lie to her either. "It was always buzzing in the back of my mind," she said, "slipping its tendrils into every last thought. I…I couldn't stay."

Sam tossed the food aside and sat on the edge of the bed. "Sweetie you're being really paranoid. There's no one here to hurt us. The only thing they could shoot you with is a camera."

Lara appreciated that Sam was trying to lighten the mood but it didn't work. "I know. But there are dangers here."

"Not like on Yamatai."

Lara turned to her, slightly irritated. "I know," she said, her voice hard. "But every time I tell myself that I'm being irrational, I seize upon another tiny detail that starts consuming my mind." She looked out the window.

Outside, the city streets were buzzing as everyone was rushing home to their families and peace. Soon, they would be asleep. But the world never slept. The stories would keep circulating, spinning, twisting into more lies. They say money makes the world go round, but it feeds on rumours and gossip.

Behind her, she could hear Sam walk over to her. "I…I felt the same way for the first few days amongst crowds," she said. "Like how someone might just jump out and try to kill or kidnap you. But the circumstances here are different, and no one is going to hurt you. Once you realise that it's easier to reconcile with...life, yourself, I suppose."

"You're different Sam," she said plainly. "You've never been that conscious of yourself or other people. And…" she grimaced. She didn't want to compare her troubles with Sam as she knew that almost being possessed by her dead ancestor had to be just as terrifying as what she went through. "Yeah," she finished lamely.

Sam leaned against the window, pressing her lips together. "Maybe you should consider seeing someone then."

Lara tensed. Exposing her secrets to a stranger was not a smart move. She didn't like the idea of everyone knowing that she was seeing a shrink, like she was some sort of mentally unstable freak. "I have it under control; I don't need to talk to anyone."

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. "Then you need to try to control your paranoia. This isn't Yamatai. You need to get that through your head." Her tone softened. "Look… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you but I'm here now." She moved her face gently so she was looking at her. "You need to make sure your taking proper care of yourself all right?"

Lara stared into Sam's eyes, seeing the hurt, the pity and the concern in her soul. It was a startling feeling, knowing that she was responsible for those elegiac emotions but at the same time it was quite infuriating to know she was being looked at like a fragile child.

A loud tone broke through her thoughts and Lara looked over at the bed. She went over and picked up her phone, not recognising the number. _Probably more bloody reporters, _she thought, though Jonah had bought her a new SIM card only a few days ago. "Hello?" she answered.

A heavy accented voice spoke. "Hello, I am from taxi company. I wait outside for-"

"Oh shit!" She looked at the clock and swore again. How could she forget? "I'm sorry. I'll be down there in a minute." She hung up and clicked her fingers, trying to remember. "Umm…I need my bag," she thought aloud.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked, following her as she searched for her backpack.

"I need to get to the British Embassy," she explained, looking around the room. Where had she put it? "I called a taxi to take me but I forgot about it."

Sam found her bag and handed it to her. "Maybe I could drive you," she said.

"The driver's already downstairs." She started out the door.

Sam followed her. "Let me drive you," she insisted. "Taxis are expensive here and…there are a few things I need to talk to you about."

Lara turned back to face Sam. She looked at her friend suspiciously, trying to deduce why she was so evasive and looked so ashamed. "Such as?"

Sam hesitated. "My uncle-well my dad, wants to manage your publicity," she said simply.

"No." Lara answered instantly. "Now I need to go."

Sam ran in front of her. "Just so you know I'm not into this either but you might want to hear the rest of what I have to say before he sets his lawyers on you."

"What are you talking about?" She looked at time again. "Can we talk about this later? I'm going to be late."

Sam clapped her hands together. "Great! Then I'll drive."


	9. Chapter 9

I apologise for the long hiatus. To make it up to you guys, here is an extra long chapter! Hopefully the next one will be out in a few days as I think they should be read together for maximum effect.  
If you haven't read Tomb Raider: The Beginning comic I highly recommend it as my story is based on that canon.  
And if you have any desire to tell me how wrong I am with some details, please feel free to do so!

* * *

"No." Lara repeated, adamant. "I never signed the contract with your uncle that was Roth."

Sam tapped the wheel as she waited for the green light. "I _know_ but apparently Roth included in the contract that if anything were to happen to him its obligations would pass onto Whitman and if he's gone then you."

"_I _never signed it." Lara said again. "I'm pretty sure contract law states that it can't be forced onto me unless I agreed to it"

Sam rubbed her brow. This legal shit was doing her head in. "In the contract that you signed to go on the _Endurance _that was written _by _my uncle_, _the fine print included that you would be under the control of the benefactor if anything were to come of it."

"I don't understand why it's _me _that he wants," Lara argued vehemently. "I wasn't the only person who made it off the island- Jonah and Reyes survived too."

"Well if it makes you feel better," she said sarcastically, "I think he's trying to get them on side as well with one of his PR managers."

"Why _me_ specifically? Isn't exploiting his own daughter enough?"Sam winced. Lara's candidness could really sting these days.

As frank as it was, it was true. The first time she saw him he had told her that he was glad she 'came back from your expedition alive'. The way he structured that made it clear that he wasn't glad because he loved her. After that, he gave her a pat on the back. Really? A pat? _Any _affection she felt towards him had been diminished when he 'asked' her to make a carefully crafted statement to the cameras. In the last two weeks, their only contact had always been about business, business, and business.

Sam had given up on impressing her father a long time ago but still, it hurt.

"No…" Sam said, tapping the wheel with her fist, "because you are Lara Croft- Richard Croft's daughter, James Whitman's researcher, Conrad Roth's prodigy, a rising archaeologist- way more interesting than the cameraman." She held up her hand as she sensed Lara about to launch into another argument. "Look I'm just the messenger and I don't fully understand it either. My dad wants to meet you tonight so you can go off at him all you want."

Lara sighed and sank back in her seat. The light turned green and Sam put her foot on the accelerator. "Sorry about that," Lara said. Sam glanced over and saw Lara fixated on her phone. "I just don't want to deal with this anymore."

Sam took the phone off her and looked at the screen. It was an article about Lara's public lashing today, probably questioning her sanity. She had seen the story a couple of networks did and it was clear Lara wasn't handling all this exposure well.

"I know sweetie." She exited the internet and gave the phone back. "I'll try talking to him again tonight." She wasn't hopeful she could change her father's mind though but she didn't tell Lara that. Raining on her pessimism would just increase the flood waters.

"So, what do you think about staying with us?" Sam asked, trying to move onto brighter pastures.

Lara smiled briefly but shook her head. "Thanks Sam but I prefer somewhere less lavish." Lara had always been reluctant to accept help money wise, and even getting her to let Sam pay for the rest of her surgery was a battle. Even now, Lara insisted that she pay her back when she could when Sam argued that Lara saved her life and paying for her something as trivial as her surgery was the least she could do.

"So a third of the world lives in slums and you don't want to take advantage of probably one of the most expensive houses in Tokyo?"

Lara smiled and looked out the window. "Well it certainly helps me keep things in perspective."

Sam snorted softly. She was usually the one to evade confrontation with humour and it seemed like Lara was taking a page out of her book. But she wasn't going to relent on this. "By keeping yourself broke?" she asked. "That hotel you're staying in isn't cheap."

"It was the cheapest one I found while sedated. As soon as I find a cheaper on I'll move there."

"And how are you going to pay for that? You're nearly broke from paying for the surgery and you don't seem to want to tap into that inheritance of yours."

"I don't think your dad's going to be happy to let the person who rejected him stay in his house," she argued. "It will certainly be awkward."

The chances that Lara would be able to deny Sam's father were _very_ slim so she wasn't concerned about that. "It'll be fine," she dismissed. "Come on just…" she didn't really know what else to say. Even though Lara was a lot more open with her, her stubbornness remained unchanged and there was no way she could break through that brick wall. "Just let me help you," she said.

Lara was quiet for a minute. "Okay. Fine," she conceded. "I'm only going to stay until I get my passport back and then I'm going back to London."

Sam shrugged and grinned. "Didn't expect anything more." _One victory, at least, _she thought.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the embassy. "Call me when you're done," Sam told her.

"Are you going to be alright?" Lara asked, taking her seatbelt off.

"Yeah, it's just Tokyo." She gave her a reassuring smile but it didn't seem to ease the tension in Lara's shoulders.

Lara stared at her for a second longer, evaluating the situation. "Okay. If you're in trouble call me."

"If I survived two weeks without you I can survive an hour. Relax alright?" The chances that history would repeat itself were slim but that didn't stop Lara's paranoia. "Now get out and go get your passport back."

Lara rubbed the back of her head then got out of the car, waving goodbye.

Sam drove to the nearby shops and strolled through them, browsing through the clothes and even giving into her impulses a few times; especially when she saw the new model of the Legria camcorders*. It cost her a hefty grand but from the reviews so far it was worth it. Now she just needed to learn how to use it.

It was strange. Despite having suffered similar paranoia to her friend, she was completely calm in public now. In Lara, Sam could see the apprehension within her that surfaced when she was exposed to anyone other than her friends. She could imagine the skepticism that would be running through her thoughts. But Sam never got shot at and being back in society, she felt a sense of security knowing that the chances of getting shanked or kidnapped were significantly lower.

A bar across the street caught her attention; its bright neon signs could be seen from a mile away. People were already lining up to get in and have a fun night. _Must be a really popular place, I thought. _The sight invoked within her the feelings of craziness that she had dancing on the dance floor, taking shots of vodka jelly and flirting with hot guys.

After spending a fortnight running errands for her father she was eager to just let her hair down and relax with her best friend. No matter where they went, even if it was to one of Lara's boring museums, they always had fun just because of the other's company.

Being away from her was despairing. At first, it was because she didn't feel safe without her around, but after she had sorted that out with her therapist, she realised just how lonely she was.

Since they met in Uni, they had never really spent more than a few days apart. Even when Lara had signed on the _Endurance _Sam had wanted to go with her but had been turned down by Roth who said she wasn't 'expedition material'.

But being back was strange. If truth be told, she didn't know if they were closer or further after the incident but in the fourteen days apart, society had brought out the new Lara which Sam could not read one bit. It was ironic that Lara was telling her what was on her mind, yet Sam had absolutely no idea how to help her.

But she _needed_ to find a way to help her. There was a yearning in her chest that threatened to consume her heart if she didn't find a way to stop it. She wanted Lara to be the one to end it. She wanted Lara…

"Stop," she said aloud. Several people looked at her strangely. This was not a line of thought she should continue down.

_Umm…_she thought, trying to distract herself,_ what could we do? _Tokyo's night life wasn't as diverse as Hong Kong's but there was still plenty to do. Maybe they could go to that bar, find a better one, go to a restaurant or something else where they can just forget about the relentless reporters, her father and Yamatai. Sam started bouncing on her feet at the idea. _Gods, it would be so nice to forget about the world for one day. _

But of course reality had to kill her buzz. Lara should be taking it easy considering she left the hospital a day early and her paranoia would not react well to a hyper-stimulated environment. So going out wasn't an option.

Despite the sobering thoughts, she was still determined to have a fun night. They both could really use a break, Lara especially.

_Maybe we could have a night in…_she thought, _I could make dinner, something simple, just like old times. Yeah that's a great idea! And then we could watch a movie or something, seeing as our last one was terribly interrupted. _

Sam flicked through her phone to find any good cooking videos and thought about what she could make. Steak and chips seemed easy. Plus, it would hopefully be a nostalgic kick back to England.

She searched through the nearby grocery stores and brought all she needed then got a call from Lara. "Hey," she answered. "How'd it go?"

"Sam, can you get here quick?" Lara asked. Her tone was frantic. "There is a group of journalists outside."

Sam double-timed on loading the groceries in the car. "How did they find you?"

"Well when the world is as connected as we are now it's not hard to. I don't think they saw me yet so I'm hiding in the bathroom."

Sam couldn't help but snicker at that. "Seriously?" She closed the hatch then got into the car.

"Don't laugh. They were waiting in the lobby so there isn't many places I can hide. Just tell me when you get here." She hung up.

Sam made her way to the Embassy as fast as she could. She pulled into the closet spot there so Lara didn't need to spend too much time amongst the journalists, and though there were only a dozen or so they could still be overwhelming. She texted Lara and a minute later she saw her push through the reporters, head ducked down. She slipped into the car. "Drive," she said.

Sam was already one step ahead of her and almost hit a guy as she backed out. When they got on the road Sam glanced over at Lara who was still looking behind her. "Put your seatbelt on." Sam said.

Lara pulled the belt around her then looked out the window again, her back taut as she looked behind. Sam put a hand on her tense shoulder. "Things will get better you know," she said.

Lara looked at her appreciatively and smiled. "It will when I get back to London." She sighed. "Only seven more days."

They drove back to her father's house which took them a while. She talked to Lara about the features of her new camera while Lara tried to listen with interest. Lara seemed to relax immensely as they were driving back, and Sam was glad to just hang out with her friend again.

Her father's house was luxurious. It was probably the most Western house in the area. There was a plasma TV, a lovely but difficult to maintain garden and plenty of other things he didn't need- literally because he practically lived in his office. Sam figured that retaining the house was a status thing. Not that she was complaining.

Sam showed Lara to her room then went down to the kitchen to begin preparing the steaks. Her luggage had been taken here by one of her father's chauffeur so she could start cooking instantly. Upstairs, she could hear the hush of water as Lara took a shower. Hopefully she would be done with the steaks by the time she got out.

She looked at the video to see how to begin then began chopping the potato for the chips. The knife accidently brushed her finger and a streak of red appeared on her finger. "Damn it." Sam abandoned the chips for a moment to search for a band aid. When she came back, Lara was standing at the counter, staring at the mess on the chopping board.

"What are you doing?" Lara asked slowly.

Sam swept the contaminated potato into the bin. "I'm making you dinner," she said cheerfully. Thank god she brought double the potatoes needed.

Lara's jaw dropped. She caught Sam's wrist as she started chopping the potato again. "I'm not that hungry," she said, clearly forcing a smile. "Why don't we order take away or something less…complicated."

Sam shook her hand off then continued with her preparation. "Your lack of faith in me is rather insulting you know?"

Lara walked around to her. "Sam, you almost burnt the house down the last time you cooked."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"The firemen were called."

"I've cooked for you and the crew before."

"Instant noodles don't involve much cooking."

"You still enjoyed them didn't you?"

Lara threw her hands up. "Look, I'd rather not survive Himiko and Mathias only to be burnt to death by your attempts at cooking."

Sam slammed the knife through the potato, making Lara flinch. "You can stand there with an extinguisher at the ready if you want because nothing you say is going to change my mind. I'm going to cook you dinner, and you're going to enjoy it."

Lara shook her head and walked away, smiling.

Sam put the chips in the oven then rubbed the salt into the two steaks. She paused to get a glass of water and look at the video again before tossing one of the steaks into the pan. Then she began preparation for the pepper sauce.

Lara returned with Sam's camera. "Today," she said, mimicking David Attenborough's narration, "We are looking at the rare Samantha Nishimura, attempting the ancient survival ritual of _cooking_. This is indeed a rare sight among her species."

Sam relaxed her pose and started talking in a slow, sensual manner. "The meat is now well-done on this side. So now we flip it on its back but the steak needs to be grilled twice. Ooo, do you hear that sizzle?"

Lara chuckled. "You're going to be the next Nigela Lawson at this rate."

"Yeah, a younger, hotter version."

"Why don't I give you a hand?" Lara said, putting down the camera.

"No way." She pushed her away. "The point of me making you dinner is that you can watch me slave away in the kitchen," she said.

"Well you know how I like helping damsels in distress," Lara said, her tone sly. Sam heard Lara get a glass of water from the dispenser on the fridge.

She raised an eyebrow to herself as she checked the chips. This was definitely a nice change from her skeptical character of late. "Yeah," she agreed sarcastically. "You're such a gentleman."

"Only when I want to be."

Sam felt the collar of her shirt peel back slightly and something cold drop into it. She bolted up and yelped, wriggling this way and that as the ice tickled and juggled down her back. When she heard the clink against the tiled floor she turned around to Lara who was cracking up laughing.

"So that's how it's going to be is it?" Sam asked, trying her best to keep an angry face. She grabbed the hose on the sink and aimed it at Lara. She squeezed the trigger but only a trickle of water leaked out the end.

"Wow," Lara said plainly.

Sam threw the hose back. "You're going to join King Richard under the pub soon."

"King Richard the _Third_." Lara corrected with a smug smile. "Get your facts right." She stepped away as Sam darted around to grab her.

"What- Shut up!" She ran after Lara but she evaded her lunges with graceful steps.

Lara laughed and danced around the kitchen bench. She tapped her palms on the counter and yelled with a grin. "Come on Sam I'm the one that just had a surgery!"

Sam slid to a stop on the opposite side of the counter. She pointed behind Lara and pretended to act shocked. "Look it's a distraction!" Amazingly, Lara glanced over her shoulder. Sam darted around and grabbed her arms, pushing her against the bench.

"I can't believe you fell for that," Sam said, grinning.

Lara furrowed her eyebrows and smiled. "What can I say? I have a talent for falling for things."

"More like on… down, over, across…"

Sam felt a foot hook behind her own and then her balance tip over. Suddenly, it was Lara who had her trapped against the table. Her arms caged her in on both sides. "Yet I am a lot more dexterous than you." Lara stated, smirking.

Sam felt behind her for the glass of water she had left there. "Says the one who tripped doing the Macarena," she smiled, keeping Lara's attention. Her hand closed around the glass. "I think you're head's filling with too much hot air, maybe you should cool down."

She quickly lurched away from Lara and threw the water in her face. Then, she put the glass down and turned to Lara, smiling smugly.

Lara laughed and wiped the water off her face. "Well played." Her face went red. "Oh, Mr Nishimura….Good evening."

Sam turned around to see her father standing in the doorway, looking at them quizzically. Trust him to ruin the fun.

"Miss Croft, nice to finally meet you," her father said, offering his hand. Lara was red and her shirt was now see-through but he didn't react to it.

Lara shook his hand. "Likewise. Now umm…If you would excuse me I am going to change my shirt…" She nodded awkwardly and left the kitchen.

Sam went to tend to the steak. She had been flipping it every fifteen seconds for about four minutes so she put it on the side to rest "Samantha I need to speak with you," her father said to her in Japanese.

"Can it wait?" She asked, putting on the second steak. She _really _didn't want to be sent on another errand. "I'm cooking here."

"No," he said sternly. "Now meet me in my study."

Sam grimaced, looking at the steak sizzling on the pan. Hopefully their conversation wouldn't take longer than three to six minutes.

Her father was leaning against the table, browsing through his Galaxy when she came in. "Close the door," he ordered. Sam did as she was told then went to sit in the chair facing the desk.

He didn't waste any time. "I need you to get Miss Croft to sign this contract." He put down the tablet and handed her a stack of papers.

Sam took the papers and started skimming through the long paragraphs. To paraphrase, the contract would allow Lara Croft's career-specifically her publicity- to be officially under the control of her father. "I'm not doing it." She put the papers on the table. "If anything I should be talking you out of even giving her this bloody thing. Which reminds me: Don't try getting Lara to sign this contract you're wasting your time."

Her dad leaned forward. "Exactly. This is why I'm turning to you. Lara trusts you and is more likely to listen to you."

"Really?" she gasped sarcastically. "I never knew we were that close!" This was typical of her father. He knew what he wanted and how to get it but Sam wasn't biting. "Isn't she already bound to Uncle anyways?"

"Yes…but there are few things I would like to add and make official." He cleared his throat. "Think about this Samantha, this will be good for both of you."

_He's determined I'll give him that, _she thought. _Wait- _"What do you mean _both _of us?" she asked aloud.

Her father offered her the contract. "Read it again," he said.

Sam didn't move. "Just tell me."

Her father put the papers down. "I knew you would disagree as you would have concerns about my plans for Miss Croft. So I'm allowing you to direct any documentaries about Yamatai and have a say in what interviews and endorsements she will be doing."

Sam did a double take, thinking she heard wrong. It was impossible that her father was just going to hand over so much control of this arrangement to her and yet…here he was.

"Of course I will have the final say in all matters." _Ah, that's more like it. _"But more or less you will have an important part in how things proceed with Miss Croft." He handed her the contract again. "Read it carefully and think about it. You are always talking about how you're dedicated to becoming a director and how your mother and I never support you. Well here is your chance to show us what you have learnt."

_He knows what he wants and knew how to get it, _Sam thought. And god was the apple was so tantalizing.

Sam almost passed out thinking about what a tremendous opportunity this was. There was so much to cover in Lara's story- how it was the greatest archaeological discovery since Tutankhamen, the death of an obnoxious archaeologist, and the actual turmoil and hardships on the island. It was grade-A movie material and a milestone for the scientific and historic community. If Sam did a good job directing, this could really kick start her career.

But Lara was her friend. She made it explicitly clear that she didn't want this attention and though she would deny it, Lara wasn't coping well with the media fiasco. And if she did this…Sam was force her right back into the spotlight.

Lara had killed dozens- maybe even hundreds of men all because they threatened her survival. Modern tabloids and reporters were just as ravenous as wolves and craved gossip as much as the Solarii did freedom. With Lara's new indifference to using force, an unconscious man would be the least of her worries.

Lara was first and foremost her friend, and that means that her first priority was her wellbeing.

_Don't be stupid. _Her mind chided. Though she didn't know whose side it was on.

Sam rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm meant to be supporting Lara…" she said hesitantly. "You know you're pretty much asking me to betray her?"

Her dad rose and went to sit in his chair. "Not betray," he explained. "You'll be helping her manage her publicity. Miss Croft is going to be made famous and seen around the world no matter what and at this rate; they are not going to get a very impressive picture. Do you really want Lara to be remembered like that?"

She sighed. He had a really good point. "No," she agreed.

"Then you understand how this is beneficial for everybody," her father said, smiling. "Read the contract; get her to sign it and everyone is a winner. If there are any problems come see me." He gestured to the door. "Now you'd best go else your dinner will burn."

Sam left her father's study, taking the contract with her. She looked at the papers in her hand and thought how amazing it was that a few figures in black ink could give someone the opportunity of a lifetime, or bind them to a wrecking ball entirely.

This opportunity was too good to pass. Part of her didn't want to disappoint her dad as this was the only time he actually supported her career. And despite how insensitive her dad was, he was right in that Lara's situation needed to be managed before it got worse.

Sam didn't understand what happened to Lara on Yamatai. She couldn't help her with that. But being brought up in a world of contracts and fluctuation fame, she knew how the media worked and this was one of the worlds that were crushing her right now. This was something she could actually help Lara with, a way she could relieve some of the stress weighing her down. And maybe in time she could save her from the real problem.

But would Lara see this the same way?

_Ugh…_This was giving her a headache. She couldn't think about this now. Sam went and put the contract in her room then went back down to the kitchen. She'll think about this later, when she had a proper look.

When she went back to the kitchen, Lara had changed into one of Sam's flannel shirts and was half way preparing the pepper sauce. The steak that Sam left on was off the pan, resting on a plate. Lara turned when Sam entered. "Hey," she said, smiling sheepishly. "I know you told me not to help but it would be a shame to see the steak burn after all you did."

Sam smiled and walked up to her. Lara's coy English benevolence was an endearing innocence that was all too rare these days. She didn't want to burn the remains, but she wasn't sure she could resist the flame.

"Leaving the stove unattended," Sam tried to say lightly. "Well now we know why you don't let me cook." She went to take out the chips. They were golden and looked crunchy, but maybe too crunchy.

"I don't know." Lara said, pinching a chip. "If you keep this up you might end up on Masterchef."

"Yeah so I can burn down an expensive set instead of my house," she said, dividing the chips between two plates.

Lara laughed. It was heart-warming to see her smile the way she used to without the world crushing her. _So why am I going to do this to her? _She thought. "I'll finish this," Sam said, taking the spoon from her. "You can start eating if you want."

Lara seasoned the steak then transferred it and the salad to the two plates. "It would be rude to eat without the host," she said, "Just don't take too long." She took the plates to the dining room.

Sam watched her go, sighing. What was happening? Couldn't her dad just have let them have one night to themselves?

It was good and all to want to forget about the world, she realised, but sometimes the world wouldn't let you forget about it.

* * *

*Other camcorders are available.


	10. Chapter 10

Two chapters one day!  
What do you guys think of the length of the current chapters? Are they too long?  
Thanks to Eddie for helping me with the bits concerning Sam's nerdiness.

* * *

"Hey," Lara said, knocking on the door. Sam looked up at her, startled.

"Lara!" she greeted, a little too chirpy. She shoved some papers she was reading under her bed. "Come in!"

Lara looked at Sam peculiarly but then dismissed her suspicions. She went to sit on Sam's bed and brought out a tiny SD card. "Here, for you," she handed it to her with a smile.

"If this is my birthday present you need to do better," she jested, reaching for her laptop. "What's on it?"

Lara's smiled mysteriously. "You'll see. I'm sure you'll like it…I think." She wasn't really sure how much the content on the card was worth.

Sam inserted the card into her laptop then searched through the drive. Lara watched the expression on Sam's face change from curiosity to shock. "Oh my god Lara," she exclaimed. She threw her arms around her. "I love you! How did you get this?"

"Okay, that hurts…" she said, wincing as her stiches strained. Sam let go of her

"Sorry," she said, but she was grinning. She went back to the camera. "How did you get this?"

Lara put her head on Sam's shoulder and watched her playback a video, skip through it in a few seconds then open another video and repeat. "I forgot I had it," she said. "I found your camera on the island, but it broke my fall a few times so..." she shrugged. "I just opted to take the card. It was also easier to carry."

"Man this is amazing," she bubbled. "I never knew I recorded so much stuff. It's not anything official but because my Arri can't exactly be salvaged…wow I can do so much with this."

"Really?" Everything on there was rather casual and didn't show a professional or impressive side of anyone.

"Hell yeah!" she exclaimed. "If I was ever to create a documentary I can cut this up and incorporate it with some other footage to make a more realistic recount of our adventure. See this?" She forwarded the video to where Roth's, Lara and Reyes were at a table with a map of the region spread between them. They were discussing how bad the weather in the Dragon's Triangle could get and ways they could deal with that. "This part shows your expertise of the area, how Roth is a veteran in adventuring and a natural leader and Reyes' mechanical knowledge about the ship. The intimate angle in which I filmed this makes it easier to form a connection with them and thus you understand the difficulty of the situation quicker. For even more impact, we can put in how every person went west instead of east before us and how they turned up nothing. Maybe you could narrate that bit. Anyways, this would paint the situation as sort of wishful and you would seem smarter- or luckier-when you are proven to be right."

Lara chuckled. Sam was adorable when she bubbled like this even though she had lost her after 'archaeological'.

Sam shot her a miffed look. "Why are you laughing at me? I'm serious about this."

"Look who's the nerd now," she said, smiling. "Plus, it reminds me of the times in Uni where you would pester me while I was writing my dissertation. Before I knew it I would end up writing how flickering lead to Crete's defeat at the hands of fluorescent lighting."

Sam grinned. "You should be thanking me. Your papers couldn't have gotten any more boring- I just made them interesting."

"Interesting isn't how my professor put it." She watched Sam browse through several more videos as she talked about how they could be used to do this and that.

Tonight had been fun, just her and Sam like the good old days. Her presence just blew away all the clouds that hung over her and brought the sunshine- a different type of ecstasy. It was just so easy to forget about the world. Things weren't good on the ship, but at least she had Sam by her side. Now that she was back…maybe things could return to as normal as their lives could be.

Sam's gushing combined with the drowsy effects of her meds made Sleep start singing its lullaby. But there was something bugging her that she needed answered before she could go to bed.

"Didn't your dad want to talk to me?" she interrupted.

Sam stopped talking and stiffened. "Umm yeah…about that-"

Lara yawned, feeling the sleepiness pull at her eyes. "Hmm…?"

Sam looked at her. "He's going to talk to you tomorrow," she said. She brushed her bangs hair away from her face. "You should get some sleep. It'll help you recover quicker."

Lara pressed her temple against Sam's soft shoulder and yawned again. "All right," she murmured. "Do you mind if I sleep here? You're softer than my bed."

Sam laughed and pushed her gently off her shoulder. "I'm already sharing my house. Go to your own bed. Or do you want me to carry you there?"

Lara chuckled sleepily. It would have been an amusing sight, but she doubted Sam could hold her weight. "Thanks but my doctor told me to stay away from danger." She got off the bed and started out the door. "Night Sam."

"Good night sweetie."

Lara went into her room and crashed on the bed. She buried her head in the pillow and it wasn't long before she gave herself up to Hypnos and Morpheus.

He was holding her in his arms again, trying furtively to drag her to safety.

_No, _she pleaded. She knew what was coming and felt her heart twist in anguish. _Please._

In the background, Lara could hear the shots behind her, deafening if not that her ears were ringing from the crash. She could hear his pained winces as he tried to ignore the agonising pain from his leg and feel his chest heaving for air under her.

_Rise. Fall. Rise. Fall._

It got faster. _Rise fall rise fall rise fall. _

_Roth…_Every time she tried to focus her mind, to tell her limbs to move so that she could help him. _Get your gun. Just draw it. _But it never worked, it never changed anything. _FOCUS! _She yelled at herself.

Everything was hazy and her mind didn't match the pace of her eyes. It was as if she was drunk and the world suddenly sped up. There were clicking sounds that forebode the future. She was being spun around and everything seemed to slow down. The axe spun towards them, but it never hit her.

Roth jerked beneath her and cried out.

_NO! _She yelled, as if her raw will was enough to change the world.

She fell from his arms and he looked at her, his eyes tortured and tired. _I'm sorry, _they said.

_ROTH!_

Lara opened her eyes. Her breathing was hard and stiflingly steady. The cloth beneath her eye was damp. Lara realised that she was clutching the pillow with her fists and she forced her hands to unclench. She pushed herself up and leaned back against the wall, clutching her sore side and closing her eyes.

Every night, her sleep was poisoned by a dream. Strangely though, she had never had any dreams when she was on the ship- only blessed silence. Maybe being alive and seeing others enjoy their breath made her feel guilty that Roth didn't have his anymore. No…it can't be. She had moved on some time ago…

Lara didn't want to think about it. She knew how fast this could consume her mind, and how lately, solitude was the most dangerous thing to her.

Lara threw the covers off and got out of bed. The clock read 6:17 a.m. but she didn't feel like going back to sleep. Yesterday, the lingering morphine had soaked up most of her feeling but now she could feel every touch raw and red. She ran her hands through her hair and reached for her meds. Twice a day for the antibiotics and every six hours as required for the painkillers. It wasn't hard to follow those rules.

Now she needed a shower to properly wake her up. She entered the bathroom and slipped her clothes off. The water was bracing as it struck her face and it made her recoil slightly. A stray thought caught her mind, and she wondered if her hands would be as clean as Lady Macbeth's.

_Shh..._Lara put her head against the wall, closing her eyes as the water ran warmer.

There wasn't much to do at 6.25 in the morning so Lara got her journal and grabbed an apple and glass of water then slid the glass doors open to the garden. It was chilly, but she enjoyed feeling the cool air against her skin.

She put her glass down on a wooden bench then walked around the garden, taking in the scenery and a bite of her apple.

Mr Nishimura had a beautiful garden. This house was the perfect blend between a Western and traditional Japanese culture. It was oriental with Japanese maples, snow white camellia, stone lanterns and pebble ponds in a pattern that evoked tranquillity. She walked lightly over a short stone bridge with a small waterfall to her right which ran into a pond of sleeping koi, and- she couldn't be sure- but a turtle camouflaged amongst the geological rises.

Lara wondered if Himiko's castle back in its prime had a garden similar to this. Considering that she was the Queen of Yamatai, it was probably much grander than she could ever imagine.

It was such a shame that she had to burn the whole place down. There must have been a wealth of artefacts and features that would have originated from the start of Yamatai. She chuckled cynically to herself. Her parents would have had her hide for destroying such a priceless piece of history.

At least she still remembered what it looked like before the great fire.

She returned to the dark wooden bench where she had begun and sat down, leaning against it. She took a sip of water then turned to a new page and began to sketch Himiko's castle.

The exterior details of the castle were finished in a couple of minutes. She moved onto the interior which had much more structures and she was in Himiko's castle, she never got much time to stop and admire the architecture of the citadel but when her mind wanted to, she could pick up details she would have not noticed if it were right in front of her.

"Lara?" Sam asked softly. Lara looked up from her sketch and felt her neck crack. The sun had fully risen and her back was really sore. _How long have I been here?_

"What time is it?" she asked. Her voice was hoarse from disuse. She wet her throat with a sip of water.

"Seven thirty," she told her, walking forward, "Did you sleep here last night?"

Lara got up and stretched. "Only a part of it. Wasn't much sleeping either." She staggered unsteadily and Sam rushed forward to help her. "Pins and needles," she winced. She sat on the bench until she could feel her feet again.

Sam caught her breath, "Wow did you draw this?" She was flipping through her journal. "It's quite realistic. A little heavy on the shadows but amazing."

"Hopefully the archaeologists think the same." She had never been the best at art but had been decent enough to compose a detailed diagram. Besides, this was probably the only image of the castle since it was a pile of rubble now. She stood. "I'm going to get something to eat," she declared. She walked back into the house and started searching through the pantry for something nourishing.

Sam followed her inside. "Hey uhh, there's something I need to talk to you about," she said.

"What is it?" she asked. There was barely anything fresh in the pantry, only staples and long lasting food. Mr Nishimura probably got his food on the go, on the way to the office. Maybe these things were for when Sam or Mrs Nishimura stayed over. She took a pack of jasmine tea in the corner and put the kettle on the stove. It wasn't English but at least it was tea.

"Umm…" Sam said, "My dad… he…"

Lara glanced back at her. She wouldn't meet her eyes and was drumming her fingers on the counter restlessly.

"What's wrong?" Lara asked, sitting opposite her on the stool. Sam looked at her, the edge of her eyes downturned. Lara raised an eyebrow.

Sam ran a hand through her hair then said, "He wants you to sign a contract giving him control of your publicity. You know- to make it official."

_No. _The word was about to roll off her tongue but then another thought came to her. Lara folded her arms, leaning forward. "Why are you the one telling me this?" she asked skeptically. "Why aren't you trying to dissuade me?"

"This is a really good opportunity for you," she said earnestly. "Plus, if you agree to this my uncle will terminate your previous contract so he'll only take forty percent of the sales."

"You've changed your tone," Lara noted with false optimism.

Sam bit her lower lip. "That's because my dad's offered me the chance to direct your documentary."

Lara stared at her. _Well that explains everything, _was her first thought. Then, _I can't believe her. _How could Sam be so selfish at a time when her best friend needed her most? Sam knew that she didn't want to enter a contract to be paraded around like a show pony yet she was the one offering her the shackles. She was her _best _friend… and she was doing the exact opposite of what a friend should be doing right now.

Sam shifted in her seat, uneasy. "Don't stare at me like that it's really scary," she said. "I know how it looks but hear me out."

Lara remained silent, keeping her breathing steady, waiting.

"Okay…I'll take that as a green light." She tapped the bench. "Umm… Besides the opportunity for me, he's going to let me have a say in how you're exposed. This way, I can make sure he doesn't take things too far and I can tailor everything to suit you."

Lara was unconvinced and still trying to repress her rage. "You're not making the point you think you are," she said. Then she added, "You do know your father's just using you?"

Sam put her hands up. "I'm well aware of that but that doesn't change the fact that what he's offering isn't a good deal. I know you don't want this, but you are going to get it anyway. Even if Whitman and Roth were still alive, the world will still see you as the archaeologist who played a vital role in its discovery and will want to know more about you. Your father couldn't escape this and neither can you."

Lara rolled her shoulders, trying to work out the tension in them. Sam had a point; there was no way this was going to fade anytime soon. But that didn't mean she wanted to trust her life with Sam's media centric father.

Sam continued, "If you continue to let the crows dissect you, you are going to get ravaged. Saying nothing is just as bad as saying something stupid and I know that you want the comments to stop. You can put an end to that but not by yourself as we saw yesterday. If you take this I'll be here for you, helping you capitalize on your publicity but to_ your_ limits."

Lara shook her head. "You can't promise that." Sam had a tendency to get carried away with almost everything she did. Whenever she brought a new camera or gadget she would often buy every accessory that went with it in the store. But there was another problem. "Not when your dad has control of this contract."

Sam got off the stool and walked around to her. "I will not let him do anything that you're not comfortable with," she promised, taking her hands in hers. "You mean so much to me- I won't let him hurt you but I don't want to see you continuing to get hurt by reporters. I have the contract in my room. Just read through it before you make any decisions."

Lara took her hands back and rubbed her jaw. Her heart was twisting itself into knots until she didn't know how she was meant to be feeling. A part of her was simmering; how could Sam be so selfish when the sacrifice wasn't her's to make? She had promised to always be there for her but now she was taking a step onto the other side.

Yet she could see the rationale in her arguments. Maybe it was relaxing for one night, or maybe it was because she couldn't feel the pain now, but she knew that she couldn't keep running from her responsibility- she had to turn around and tell it who was boss. And…maybe it wouldn't be so bad having her best friend as her manager- or one of her managers at least.

Lara rubbed the back of her neck. "I don't know…I guess I'll take a look-" Sam's eyes brightened. "But that doesn't mean anything okay?" she quickly said. She looked down and fiddled with the edge of her sleeve. "I don't…I don't like this," she admitted.

Sam touched the scar on the edge of Lara's lips with her thumb. Lara remembered when Sam had kissed her there; a peculiar, intimate moment. After that, she found herself wondering how her friend saw her these days, though she didn't really want to find out. "I want to help you," she said quietly. "I don't understand what you're going through so this is the best way I can actually do something useful."

Lara brushed her hand away and pressed her lips together in the semblance of a smile. Sam had been so supportive and patient post- Yamatai, even though she was blind to the holes. _She's just trying to help, _she thought. If she couldn't trust Sam, then there wasn't anyone else she could trust in this world.

Lara sighed. "Okay…" she resigned. The kettle clicked behind her. "Let's take a look. Maybe you can explain it to me."

Sam beamed. "Thank you Lara-"

"I haven't agreed to anything yet," she reminded her sternly.

"I know," she said confidently. She went to pour the water into the cup of tea then placed it in front of Lara. "Enjoy your tea; I'll go get the contract." She hugged her quickly then went upstairs.

Lara had an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach. Sam, though she argued that she didn't have anything in common with her father, had inherited his persuasive charisma and his ability to know what everybody's price was. Now that Lara had shown the slightest bit of interest, she was worried it wouldn't take long before she rolled over.

She wrapped her hand around the mug and recoiled as the heat seared her scar. _What am I doing? _she thought as pressed her palm against the burn. All she wanted was to focus on her archaeology and return home. _We all need to reconcile with this change. _That was what she had told Sam wasn't it?

Knowing and understanding were two different things and lately she had difficulties with the latter. This was her life now, one destined to be stalked by reporters and having every aspect of her life scrutinized under a microscope.

Reality was always a kick in the balls but everyone had to wake up sooner or later. She just hoped she had the strength to deal with it.

Lara looked down at the tea. A few miniscule leaves diluted with three parts water. It was hardly appealing and wouldn't sate her desires.

What she needed now wasn't a weak brew. She needed something stronger, something more deadening.

Something that came in the form of a pill.


	11. Chapter 11

Thanks for the feedback guys and all the favourites and follows.

Note: Quite a long chapter so make sure you're comfortable =)

* * *

"Ready for your close up Miss Croft?" Sam asked, opening the door to Lara's room.

"Sam!" Lara grabbed her shirt and clutched it at her chest. "This is not appropriate!"

"What? You're wearing a bra," she said, readjusting the camera on her shoulder. She grinned. "Besides, I think this might appeal to audiences."

Lara turned her back to her and put her blouse on. She turned back and glared at Sam as she buttoned it up. "Not going to happen," she said firmly.

Sam pouted playfully, "Are you sure?" Lara gave her that stern, 'I'm going to kill you if you try' look. "Well I could settle for something else. Come on; let's get a shot of that infamous wound!"

Sam's father had brought her a new Arri to replace the one that was lost on Yamatai and she was eager to use it. It was a nice gift, as her father could have easily just lent her a camera. _I guess he was serious about helping my career, _she thought as she reflected on it.

Lara rolled her eyes but pulled up the edge of her shirt. Sam walked closer until the lens was only a hands length away and panned around it.

The sight of it still made Sam wince even though she had seen it plenty of times before. It was slightly larger than when Lara first got it as they had to cut out the infected flesh. The wound was sealed with three or so stiches and the rise was still a rather crusted red colour.

"Gee that has to hurt." Sam said, moving the camera back up to Lara.

Lara lowered her shirt again. "That's what painkillers are for," she said, taking two from the bottle. "At other times the pain is bearable."

Sam lowered the camera. "Didn't you take some pills four hours ago?" she asked.

"Yeah but I can take another two every four hours as required," she said. "Don't worry about it."

"Do you want some beer with that?" she suggested. "You look like you need some Dutch courage."

Lara paused for a moment then furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm not allowed to take alcohol with drugs," she said, unsmiling.

"I know I was just trying to lighten the mood." Sam said. "You're really tense."

Lara fixed her sleeves. "It's my first interview," she said, "You dad could have waited at least a week before agreeing to a proper one."

Sam shrugged. "He didn't want to waste time. It's already been two weeks. Besides, would you rather have a press conference?" Lara grunted and picked up a black jacket. "Not that," Sam put her camera down and took the jacket from her. "You're not applying for a job."

She put it back in the wardrobe and searched for something more suitable. Yesterday, Sam had taken Lara out shopping for clothes after they had finished going through the contract. Lara only had two outfits which Jonah had picked out for her, and no offence to Jonah but he didn't have a very good fashion sense. Sam brought Lara a couple of shirts, pants, jackets and two belts. Lara must have rolled her eyes every time Sam picked up a new shirt and Sam must have rolled hers every time Lara put one back.

"This one." She brought out a brown leather jacket. It was a little tight on Lara but it suited her new 'tough but smart' look. Sam fixed her collar then took a step back. "Yeah…way better," she said, smiling at her work.

Lara rubbed the back of her neck. "Thanks," she said shyly. She sat down on the bed and began pulling her boots on.

Sam sat down next to her. "Always a pleasure," she smiled. Lara returned her smile for a second then went back to frowning at her boots.

Thus was the mutability of her mood these days.

Sam allowed herself to gaze at Lara for a second. Lara's brooding pout was so cute, yet disparaging at the same time. She was in pain, even if she didn't want to admit it. It wasn't easy seeing someone you cared about suffer and knowing what you were doing wasn't enough to help. Sam wanted to reach out and take away her pain with a touch, a hug, a kiss.

"What?!" she exclaimed.

"What?" Lara asked, startled.

It took Sam a moment to realise she had spoken aloud. "Huh? Oh nothing," she dismissed, feeling her cheeks redden. "I'll wait for you downstairs." She left before she made a bigger fool of herself.

Geez, what was happening to her? She wanted to help her friend so much but that didn't mean she wanted to make out with her.

Did it?

Sure, Lara was hot. You had to be asexual to deny that. But what she was feeling towards Lara had nothing to do with her beauty. She was the Byronic hero; tormented, moody, cynical and that was what drew Sam in. It was everything that Lara was but her _best friend_ wasn't and it was her best friend whom she wanted back…but then again Byronic heroes were usually attractive.

_Okay, stop, _she thought, irritated. Why couldn't she figure out these confusing feelings towards her friend? Why did she even have to have these feelings in the first place? It wasn't what she needed right now.

The driver was waiting for her at the front door. Her father was nowhere to be seen. "Where's my father?" she asked the driver in Japanese.

"Mr Nishimura told me to tell you he would meet you at the studio," he responded. "And there is a large amount of reporters outside. They do not seem to moving despite my requests."

Typical. Her father couldn't even be bothered to tell them himself that he was going. Sam growled to herself but was cut short by the sound of Lara coming down the stairs. She couldn't think about this now. "Hey!" she said, turning towards her friend. "You ready to go?"

Lara nodded, though it looked forced. "Yeah."

The driver took Sam's camera from her then opened the door. They were greeted with an inundation of noise and flashes. The driver walked quickly down the stairs but Lara was frozen stiff.

"Lara go," Sam whispered, prodding her in the back. Lara glanced back at her but she wasn't there. Hey eyes were unfocused, distant. The driver was at the gate, signalling for them so Sam grabbed Lara's hand and dragged her along. The driver cleared a path through the reporters while Sam pushed Lara into the car then bundled after her.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief when they shut the door, though she could still see the reporters through the tinted windows.

"Lara you okay?" Sam asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

Lara looked at her, her eyes back to normal. "Yeah…now I am." Was she going to freeze every time she was met with journalists? If so, how would she even handle every other media activity?

The driver entered the car and turned the ignition immediately. Sam put on her seatbelt and had to remind Lara to put on hers. She tried ineffectually to start a conversation but Lara's monosyllabic responses didn't offer her much to work with. Lara folded her arms and stared out the window, retreating into a guarded silence. Sam took out her phone and browsed through her Twitter. She had attained almost a thousand new followers since she came back from Yamatai even though she hadn't Tweeted anything for almost a fortnight.

"Why did I agree to this?" Lara muttered, seemingly to herself.

Sam looked up at her. "Because you know it's a good thing," she said.

Lara looked at her. "It's better than the alternative. That doesn't mean it's good."

Sam sighed and put away her phone. Lara's pessimism was becoming infectious. "You know, if you don't want to I can tell my dad that you're not doing the interview," she suggested.

Lara brightened slightly but then she rubbed her face, and her perma-frown came back. "This is important to you. I don't want to ruin that."

Sam did not expect that. Lara always had other peoples' interests at heart but even now? It was truly endearing but she really needed to focus on herself for once. "This isn't about me. You know you're not in the state of mind with your PT-"

"I'm fine Sam," she interrupted curtly. "I'm dealing with my problems so you don't need to worry about that." Lara sighed then admitted in a softer tone, "I don't want to do this today but I need to do it sooner or later. I can't keep running." She leaned back in her seat then asked the driver in Japanese, "Can you slow down? I don't feel well."

"Shit, what's wrong?" Sam asked.

Lara leaned her head against the seat and dismissed her concern. "Nothing. My stomach's just a little upset. Probably from the painkillers so there's nothing you can do."

The driver told them in Japanese that they were at the museum. "Hey we're here," Sam looked out the window to see the large white building just a few metres from them. "This might take your mind off things."

"How so?"

Sam looked at Lara. "Your memory's like a goldfish's these days," she noted.

Lara smiled. "Goldfish can actually remember things up to three months, not three seconds."

"Are you ever going to stop being a smart-ass?" Sam asked, smiling.

"Yeah," she replied. "When you stop being wrong."

Sam punched her lightly then took her seat belt off. At least Lara still had a sense of humour. "Come on; let's pick up your precious artefacts."

Sam's uncle had transported the majority of the artefacts back to Tokyo as soon as Sam gave him the coordinates of Yamatai. Lara, as morphine-addled as she was, repeatedly insisted that the museum hold onto the artefacts because they knew how to properly take care of the fragile beauties. Her uncle was already a step ahead and had organised the curator of the Tokyo National Museum to prepare for the arrival of the artefacts.

Sam retrieved her camera then went with Lara into the museum. There were several reporters who had followed them but their driver kept them busy while they entered the museum through the back. Thankfully, only special personnel were permitted here.

Sam saw her uncle was outside, smoking a cigarette. "Sam!" he greeted. He squashed the cigarette out then embraced her niece. Sam hugged him back as best as she could whilst holding a large camera. She wished both her hands were free to savour this moment as it wasn't often Japanese businessmen showed such affection in public.

Her uncle let go of her then shook Lara's hand. "Nice to meet you Miss Croft," he said in a lightly accented tone.

Lara looked on guard as she shook his hand with a grip that must have been hard as her uncle's lip twitched. "You too Mr Nishimura," she answered without a hint of her suspicion.

"Ah, call me Sonny, please," he smiled. "Sam has told me much about you."

"Only good things I hope," she jested semi-seriously.

Her uncle smiled. "Well only time will tell if the stories are true." He became sombre. "I'm sorry about Conrad," he said. Sam could feel Lara's shields fly up. "I had the pleasure of working with him many times. He was one of the best archaeologists of this day. And a good man."

"Yeah, he was," she replied sadly. There was a shift in the atmosphere around Lara. It became darker, more melancholy. "If only he were still alive to see what came of his expedition."

"It was one of the risks involved in his career. Even after he barely escaped with his life, he said he'd never give it up for anything. I'm not happy about his death, but at least he died doing what he loved most."

"Yeah…" Lara agreed solemnly. She looked at Sam and their eyes locked for a moment. Sam could see the guilt and melancholy behind her veneer and it was disquieting. Sam wanted to comfort her friend but Lara looked away and cleared her throat. "Umm, so why don't we get on with this?" she asked, forcing a smile.

Her uncle gestured behind him, to the museums' giant warehouse of priceless artefacts. "If you would care to follow me; the curator tells me he's taken care of the artefacts personally." He led the way into the warehouse.

Sam watched her friend. She thought Lara had moved on from Roth's death; that she had reconciled herself with his absence. That was the impression she gave her.

They were descending down this path again. Repressing all this anger and sadness was never a good idea- it only meant that when it was released, it would be catastrophic. Someone was going to get hurt. And being so close, to her, Sam was directly in the firing line.

Sam shook her head slightly and hoisted the camera onto her shoulder. She could ask Lara about it later. She fell back a little more so she could fit both her uncle and Lara in the frame before she began filming.

Her uncle talked to Lara about the artefacts- how excavation of the island was going, the amount of artefacts they managed to recover and the general condition of them. Lara commented occasionally but her uncle was a lot more amiable than her father and it wasn't long before Lara gradually was going on and on about the detail of fans, vases, daggers and loads of other stuff.

They entered another large room with stacks of drawers lining the walls. There was also a whole load of other apparatus made for the safe storage of time-worn relics. It was a very clean, white, sterile environment which looked quite impressive but contrived.

Her uncle led them through the labyrinth until they reached a small section where a middle-aged man was studying pieces of a vase in one of the drawers. Her Uncle introduced them to Mr Po, the curator who digress too often, too fast. Sam knew that Lara knew a bit of Japanese but Sam's uncle had to translate Po's rapid fire words for her. Lara responded politely in her best Japanese which seemed to bring her some pleasure, even if it was broken by language.

After their five minute talk about archaeology, Sam's uncle asked Mr Po to show them the artefacts. Sam focused the camera on Po's movements as he showed them three Noh masks.

"As you can see we have stored it as best as we could here." Po said proudly. "I would love to have more time to study them. There are more artefacts in other drawers; would you like to see them?"

Lara nodded, smiling. She was clearly impressed.

Po showed them the rest of the artefacts. There weren't many as excavating was time consuming. Lara had told her their positions needed to be recorded, they needed to be photographed _in situ _then a whole five hundred other steps before they could be transported. Despite that, Lara still seemed happy to see her discoveries intact. Archaeology was always the anecdotal touch to any ailment for her.

Her uncle gradually started talking business- mainly what would happen with the artefacts- with Po and Lara and Sam grew bored. Lara went out to the main area of the museum and Sam followed her, intending to get some more footage of Lara's historical expertise.

They passed exhibitions of Japanese masks, folding panels of Kyoto and ancient calligraphy. At each stop, Lara gave her thoughts to the camera. The confidence with which she talked about every detail of every relic reminded Sam of Whitman when he was on his show- though a nicer, less of an asshole, smarter version.

Lara stopped at a display of a life-sized clay man. She stroked the bottom lip with her thumb, a pensive look on her face.

"Terracotta Warrior's huh?" Sam asked, taking a few seconds on the man then focusing the camera on Lara.

Lara glanced at her and unfolded her arms. "The Terracotta Warriors; made by Emperor Qin- a very paranoid man who sought immortality. Well he's immortal, but not in the way he wanted.

What's amazing about these sculptures is that no two of them are the same. Each were individually painted though exposure to the air destroyed the original pigmentation so it's hard divine their original colouring. About seven-thousand of them were made so Qin had an army in the afterlife. He had almost everything built- scribes, artists even his own circus of acrobats and strongmen."

"Check out the human Wikipedia page everyone." Sam remarked. "Think they're going to come alive like in The Mummy?"

Lara smirked. "Not in this world." She looked at Sam with a knowing glimmer in her eyes. "But who knows these days eh?"

Sam shivered silently. Geez that was a creepy thought. She still had nightmares about Oni rising from the ground; their desiccated fingers reaching for her neck. Even creepier, the entire zombie army worshipping the ground she walked on.

It was nice that Lara could joke about this supernatural world, though a little morbid for her liking.

They turned around as Sam's uncle approached them.

"The artefacts are going to be transferred to my personal storehouse," he told Lara, "If you wish, you could take some home for study."

Sam's phone started ringing and she answered it as her uncle and Lara continued their conversation.

"Samantha," her dad said instantly. "Are you near?"

"Well hello to you too," she replied.

"Sam," he said sternly.

Sam rolled her eyes, even though her dad couldn't see her. "I'm at the museum with Uncle. Maybe thirty minutes away from the studio?"

"Hurry up. Mr Marlow will be here soon and we don't want to keep him waiting." He hung up.

Sam sighed and turned around. "Sorry Uncle but we need to go," she said, interrupting him.

Her uncle nodded. "I understand. It was nice meeting you Lara. And Sam," he embraced her once more, "I'm glad you're safe."

Sam smiled and pressed her head against his shoulder. "Thanks Uncle," she said softly in Japanese. He released her and then she walked with Lara to the entrance of the museum. Sam quickly texted the driver then pretty much ran with Lara back to the car. A few reporters dogged them but as soon as they closed the door, the driver took off.

"Well that wasn't a bad start was it?" Sam asked Lara after a few seconds.

Lara

"Are you alright?" Sam asked Lara after a few seconds. "About Roth I mean."

Lara leaned back in her seat. "What are you talking about?" she asked as nothing had happened.

"You just seemed a little sad when my Uncle brought him up."

Lara rubbed her jaw in that anxious way that had become a habit for her. "It's just strange hearing someone who knew his work talk about him," she said. "It's not until I see how happy everyone is in this world that I realise what a dull place it is without him. And I suppose it makes me wonder what would happen if things were different. "

Sam hesitated, unsure of what to say. The right words never came to her as easy as they did before and Lara never responded to them in the same way. She touched Lara's shoulder and said, "It's natural to feel a little sad when someone you love dies. It's alright that you mourn a little. But you couldn't have done anything to save him so you can't keep thinking about what could have been."

Lara's lips downturned and Sam knew that was the wrong thing to say. She mentally kicked herself and quickly said, "Okay that wasn't-"

"Yeah I get it," Lara interrupted, brushing her hand off roughly. "Thanks."

"Lara-"

"How are things with your dad?" she asked quickly, turning to her. "You always seem disappointed whenever you talk to him."

Sam frowned and had to restrain the growl in her throat. This attitude of Lara's was just as bad as stubborn kids' who would plug their fingers in their ears and go 'La la la la la'. But she answered Lara's question. "My dad's a dick," she said as nonchalantly as she could. "He's always been and I've accepted that a long time ago. That's all there is to it."

Lara blinked at her then looked out the window without another word. Sam leaned back and rested her head against the car frame, trying not to think about the mess of the situation before her.

"He does love you, you know," Lara said after a moment. Sam looked over to see Lara looking back at her. "It's hard to see but it's there."

"He doesn't give two shits about me," she said, unable to repress her annoyance. "And if he does love me he has a funny way of showing- that is, not showing it at all."

"I don't think he knows how to show it," Lara said gently. "He is a Japanese businessman after all."

"And he always will be, twenty four seven. That's never going to change so why bother?"

"Sam…"

"Lara leave it," she snapped. She didn't want to argue about her _father _of all people with her best friend. "I'm cool with this so you should be too."

Lara furrowed her brows but she looked sad more than irritated. Sam tried to ignore the annoyance that she felt. "Okay," she said, "But I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Sam met Lara's eyes. "The same goes for you."

Lara turned away and Sam could see she now was irritated. "I know," she said simply.

The rest of the journey progressed in silence.

It turns out they only took twenty minutes to get to BBC studios. Her father had organized Lara's first interview with BBC because, surprise surprise, they paid the most. The place was quite small compared to other skyscrapers in Tokyo but it was still rather large. Sam's father was waiting for them at the bottom of the elevator dressed in his usual attire- a black suit and cold blue tie. Sam thought it fit him perfectly.

"Good you are here. How are you feeling Lara?" he asked, though Sam knew it was more courtesy than concern.

"Nervous," she said. "How long is this going to take?"

"The interview will go for half an hour. And you'll be fine- being anxious before something like this is normal. Let's go." He ushered them into the elevator then pressed the button for floor 3.

Sam looked played with the buttons on her camera, agitated and wishing there was some easy blue elevator music to ease the awkward ten year silence. Sam felt someone bump her shoulder and she looked to see Lara say a silent reassurance with her eyes. Sam nodded half-heartedly to her as the doors dinged open.

Somehow Lara always knew how the situation _really _was.

Her father led them to studio C14 which was quite small compared to others that Sam had been to. A middle aged man with silvered hair styled in the semblance of a military crew cut walked up to them with a friendly smile across his face. A blonde woman in her twenties followed him with an Ipad in her hands. Sam recognised the man as Joseph Marlow, a professional journalist from the UK that had composed some rather evocative stories on obscure events and people.

As the man approached her, Sam saw Lara put a foot back in a defensive manner and her hand move to her hip. It relaxed into its normal position a second later. No one else seemed to notice it and Sam didn't think Lara did either.

"Mr Nishimura," Marlow greeted, shaking his hand. "And Lara Croft, the guest of the hour. It's a pleasure to have you here." He offered his hand to her which Lara took stiffly after a moment's hesitation.

"Thank you. It's also an honour to meet someone as respected as yourself," Lara said with British courtesy. "How about we dive straight into this interview?"

"Of course. If you need anything just ask my Nina, my assistant-"he gestured to the woman- "and she will be happy to help you." The woman nodded and smiled. "Okay well make up is over there and someone will show you to your seat when you're done. And once again, thank you for taking your time to talk with us."

Sam was about to go film Lara when her dad called her. "What is it?" she asked.

Her father showed her list of topics on his tablet. "I've spoken to Marlow and these are the topics that we have agreed can be addressed. Could you inform Lara of this?"

Sam looked over the list then copied it over to her phone so she couldn't forget it. The topics were all pretty standard- finding the island, what happened on the island and what the discovery meant for the world- stuff like that. But two points on there- one about the people who died and the other about how this affected the survivors. "You might want to tell Marlow that he can't talk about two and five and tell him to be cautious when talking about three."

Her father looked at her, his shaped eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Cautious how?" he asked. He seemed genuinely bemused at Sam's comment.

"What Lara did to survive is a touchy subject for her- even more so now because everyone is judging her. And if you are thinking that this would be a juicy piece of gossip, _don't _because this can easily backfire and damage her reputation and thus, yours."

Instead of insisting and attempting to persuade Lara to talk about all the topics like Sam thought he would, he nodded. "Very well. I will sort this out with Marlow. You go tell Lara."

Sam stared at her father for a moment, surprised. That reputation thing must have really got through to him.

She shrugged it off and then walked over to Lara who was waiting anxiously in her make-up chair. Her fingers were tapping the arm of the chair like she was sending a Morse code distress signal and her feet were jittering up and down.

"That's good," Sam said, focusing the camera on Lara. "Maybe a little more blush though."

The make-up artist huffed indignantly and Lara turned to the artist saying, "Umm please no."

The make-up artist pointed her brush at Sam. "For your information we want to show off her scars so a little bit of blush and toner is all that's needed. Please stick to holding a camera while I work my magic." Lara moved her face slightly as the artist brushed her cheeks.

"I suppose that's for the best," she said to Lara, "You look better without makeup anyway."

The make-up artist cleared her throat and Lara raised an eyebrow. "I don't know if I've just been insulted or complimented."

Sam shrugged, smiling. "Take it how you will."

"How are you even allowed back here with a camera?"

"This is B-roll," Sam explained, 'besides my father has his ways." She took out her phone. "Read that. Those are the topics they'll be talking about today." As Lara skimmed over the text, she seemed to relax ever so slightly but Sam could see her mind working, the gears clicking as she prepared her speech.

"So how are you feeling now?" Sam asked.

Lara looked at Sam then addressed the camera. "If anyone wants to swap call me in the next five minutes."

Sam smirked. "Relax Lara; you're a natural on camera. Just be your nerdy self and you'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say; you're not the one being interrogated."

"Gee 'interrogated' is such a harsh word." She lowered the camera. "Word of advice-" She put a hand over Lara's to stop her tapping- "Don't let them see you stress. They will take any opportunity to eat you."

"That makes me feel so much better," Lara said sarcastically. But she smiled appreciatively and her hands and feet ceased jumping.

"Good luck," Sam said, picking up her camera again. "I'm going to go ask Marlow some questions. If you need me-"

"I know, you're here." Lara finished brusquely, her thankful tone gone.

Sam pressed her lips together. She had no idea what she had done to vex Lara so and the fact that she wouldn't tell her was irritating. She was just trying to help. Sam ignored the negative thought then hoisted the camera onto her shoulder and went to go find Marlow.

It was another five minutes before the shoot began and that gave Sam an opportunity to get maybe two minutes of footage with Marlow and some other crew. Marlow was a polite and nice man. He had the same British courtesy Lara had though he was a lot more professional. It made sense though; he was constantly on camera and had to watch everything he said. Saying that, it didn't seem Marlow cared about Lara's situation unlike the rest of the world did: he was just doing his job.

When the interview began, Sam put her camera down and then walked to stand next to her father.

The cameraman began the countdown. "We're on in five, four three, two…"

O'Brien addressed the camera. "Today we have an exclusive interview with Lara Croft: the rising archaeologist who recently discovered the mythical island of Yamatai." He turned to Lara. "It's a pleasure to have you here Lara. So tell me, how does it feel making this momentous discovery?"

Lara cleared her throat. "Unbelievable. When I first realised that I was on Yamatai, I think I needed to take a moment for it to sink in. Yamatai had been lost for hundreds of years, and the fact that my crew have found it's…it's still quite surreal. It's a moment that I'm not going to forget. "

"Now I don't know much about Yamatai but apparently many people have tried to discover this place for years. How much did you have to do to finally deduce its location?"

Lara smiled and Sam had to do so as well as she remembered all those late nights Lara had spent reading and re-reading textbooks. "There's no way you can be certain. For three years I studied charts, maps, journals, myths- you name it, for any clue of where the island was. In the end I didn't turn up much evidence but I just knew that Yamatai was somewhere in the Dragon's Triangle."

"So you guessed?"

"It was more of a hunch."

"So your instinct, it sounds much like your father- Richard Croft. He was a renowned archaeologist yet controversial in the archaeological world as he was seen to chase myths and tales. You are following in his footsteps…. But how did you know you weren't chasing a dream like he did?"

Sam saw Lara's face harden as did her tone. "My father was a great man," she almost snarled, "He could see more than most and what he did wasn't a fairy tale. I'm proud to be his daughter and as you can see, Yamatai is clearly not a dream."

"Umm dad," Sam said, turning to her father. "Maybe we should get Lara off."

Her father dismissed it. "It's only been two minutes. Besides, Lara can handle it."

Sam wasn't so sure about that.

"Lara I meant no offence by it," Marlow apologised. "How about we move onto another question?"

"That would best," Lara agreed critically.

"So with this hunch just to guide you, Did you ever think you would be so serendipitous on the day you set out?"

Lara's eyes had that glimmer which was askance to a wolf's. All friendliness was gone, replaced by a wary defence. "When I set out that day, I had no idea about what was installed for me. I always craved adventure, but instead, adventure found me. Yamatai was ground-breaking, but four people died on that trip and honestly, it wasn't worth it."

Sam blinked. She understood how the attack on her father could be affronting but why was she becoming so hostile? Marlow made an innocent mistake based on ignorance but it wasn't a reason to regard the journalist as if he were a prowling bear.

The hostile change in Lara was worrying and seemingly random. Lara's brows were furrowed ever so slightly and she was looking at Marlow like he was a prowling bear, though she didn't think anyone else saw it. "I see… "Marlow continued, obviously trying to pull the interview back on track. "Now we've heard vague details about what happened on Yamatai from one of your fellow survivors Samantha but can you give us your account of what really happened?"

Lara shifted in her seat then said, "We arrived in the Dragon's Triangle at night. The Triangle was a high storm area- even though it isn't now. The _Endurance_- our ship, was shipwrecked by a storm that Himiko- who was the Sun Queen back in the days of Yamatai- conjured."

Marlow blinked and Sam gaped at Lara. What was she doing?

"So this Queen Himiko who ruled Yamatai thousands of years ago summoned a storm to destroy your ship?" Marlow asked, looking at Lara as if he thought she said the wrong thing.

Lara rubbed the back of her neck. "I know it's hard to believe but it's what happened."

"What is she talking about?" Sam heard her father whisper to her. "This wasn't what we discussed."

Sam shook her head, still dumbstruck. "I…I don't know," she said. She was telling the truth but surely she knew how crazy this would sound to the rest of the world? Surely Lara had more sense than to tell the world about all the supernatural shit? "I think we should get her off."

"No… let's see where she's going with this."

Oh god. He probably thought this was some clever ploy by Lara to rack up publicity.

"After that… We encountered a cult of men called the Solarii. They were led by a…deranged man called Mathias and they were all convinced that he had the answers to everything- namely getting off the island. They followed his every order, worshipped Himiko with sacrifices and were pretty much left to their own free will with the exception of what I mentioned."

"So these vicious men… did they give you those injuries which look so painful?"

Lara grimaced. "…Yes they attacked us but Yamatai was equally as cruel."

"You must have been lucky that things weren't as bad as they could have been."

Lara frowned and Sam saw her hand twitch. Marlow was clearly vexing her but Sam couldn't see why. Her answers didn't make much sense either. "I think that depends on what side of the window you're standing on," she growled.

Marlow, the professional journalist he was, clearly chose to ignore the aggression. "Either way, from what we have heard and from the stories your scars tell, getting off the island must have been a miracle."

Lara smirked and glanced at Sam as if they were sharing a secret. Yet what that secret was Sam had no idea. "I agree," Lara told Marlow.

"Your survival has to have been as much attributed to your efforts to survive on the island as much as luck." Marlow continued. "Your fellow survivor Samantha, tells us that you were pretty much the meat shield on the island. She describes you as courageous, brave, determined- a hero."

Lara froze, though this wasn't like when she was confronted with the reporters. "I'm not a hero," she muttered.

Marlow went on like Lara hadn't suddenly quieted. "Come on Lara, you discovered the long lost island of Yamatai. You're a pioneer of our knowledge of the ancient world." Lara began breathing faster. "You took on an army of what sounds like savage cultists and lived to tell the tale." That made Lara tense her muscles; ready to spring.

"Dad," Sam whispered urgently to her father. "I really think-"

"Shh."

"You could have easily been overwhelmed but you saved your friends and stopped an army of savages from coming to mainland and wreaking havoc on our society." In that moment, Lara's face relaxed.

Sam felt a sense of trepidation rise through her. She had seen this deadly calmness right before Lara tore into her prey, or during her ravage. Marlow was a threat. And Lara was going to deal with it.

Marlow continued, oblivious. "It's the stuff out of a movie but this hero exists right here, in this world." Lara's finger's twitched, brimming with adrenaline.

Sam had to get Lara off before Lara did something she would regret. She rushed in front of the camera and heard her dad hiss out her name. "Hey," she said, an awkward smile plastered on her face, "Why don't we all take a break huh? It will give you a chance to clean up that spill."

"What spill?" the cameraman asked.

Sam strode over to the table where a jug of water sat. She picked it up then threw it, clattering on the floor and spilling half a litre of water on the ground. Yells of incredulity sprang up on the set. "That one," she said nonchalantly. "Hurry up now you don't want someone to slip." The cameramen muttered in annoyance and told them they were off air.

Sam turned around to Lara who was still sitting as she had, seemingly oblivious to what happened. Sam was about to walk up to her when she felt her father grab her arm.

"What are you doing?" he growled in Japanese.

Sam looked back at Lara who now had risen and was walking out. "Rescuing my friend and possibly Marlow," she said, irritated at the delay. "Now I need to go to her."

"She's leaving?" he asked, just noticing. He began walking towards the exit. He swore in Japanese. "What is she doing?"

Sam ran in front of her father and stopped him from taking another step. "No, let me handle this alright? She'll listen to me." _I hope. _

Her father glared at her. "Fix it," he said, then turned back.

Sam rushed outside the studio and saw Lara storming towards the stairs. "Lara!" Sam called. She didn't respond.

Sam ran up to her and caught her arm. Lara turned around, eyes hard and angry.

_Be careful, _her mind warned. Sam took Lara's hands in hers and said as calmly as she could, "Hey sweetie, what happened in there?"

Lara squeezed her hands hard until Sam had to restrain a wince. "Marlow was riling me up," she answered roughly. "Didn't you hear the questions he was asking me?"

Sam furrowed her eyebrows. She remembered the questions Marlow asked and she couldn't find anything wrong about them. "They seemed pretty standard to me," she said.

Lara rolled her eyes like Sam was an idiot. "Come on Sam he asked me if I thought I would ever be that _serendipitous_. Four people died on that bloody island. How is that lucky?"

_Uhhh…_She saw how Lara could take that the wrong way but it was definitely an overreaction. "Marlow didn't mean it like that."

"Oh yes he did," Lara growled, letting go of her hands. Where was all this hate for the journalist coming from? Lara began pacing in front of her. "Why else would he call me a _hero_?" She twisted the word bitterly. "Heroes don't gun down a dozen people and loot their bodies while they're still warm. There were no heroes on Yamatai, only survivors."

Sam bit her lower lip. That phrase was hauntingly familiar.

She couldn't think about it now. Lara's train of thought was becoming harder to decipher but she needed to try to placate her. "Okay…I think you're looking too much into this," she said evenly. "You can't let your paranoia get the better of you. It's just going to make things worse."

Lara pressed her hands to her temples. "I'm fine," she said brusquely. "I'm not mentally fucked if that's what your insinuating."

And that's when it hit her.

Lara was in denial.

How did she not realise this before?

"I'm not saying you are," Sam said. "It's just…" _You have PTSD? _Her mind thought. _You have some serious problems about Yamatai that need addressing? You're in denial? _All were viable options yet Sam thought they would just make Lara dig a deeper hole. So she decided to drop the previous subject. Instead, she said quietly, "You're my hero."

Lara sighed and stopped, looking at her. For a moment, the bitterness left her eyes but she wasn't any less exasperated. She began pacing again. "You're different Sam," she said, softer. "You know what happened and you don't condemn or glorify me for it. You respect what I did because you know the reasons for it. These people- even when I try explaining it to them they won't listen past their own desire for a cheap thrill."

"Is that why you told them about how Himiko haunted us on the island?"

Lara stopped and looked at Sam. She seemed more bemused than angry now. "Why is that a problem?"

Sam felt like she was skidding on thin ice. Lara's sensitivity seemed to extend to every single topic these days. "Because it might come across as a little…crazy?" she said uncertainly.

"Like Mathias?" Lara suggested, scowling.

"I didn't say that!" she said quickly. "But now that you mention it…did you believe his stories when he strapped me to a stake or did you think he was mad?"

"I'm not like Mathias." Lara said sharply. "And I never thought you would compare me to that fucking madman."

"I didn't compare you to Mathias!" Sam should have shut up then but the stupid, ill-advised desire to help her friend drove her on. "Look I'm just saying that maybe you should leave out the bit about the supernatural goddess?"

"I'm an archaeologist Sam," Lara said, almost indignantly, "My job is to find the truth of the past; I'm not going to lie to the world."

As noble as that was, it was terribly foolish and it won't be long before a professional seriously questioned her sanity. Sam didn't understand why Lara couldn't see that and it was really trying her patience. She took a shaky breath and tried again. "I'm not asking you to lie just… omit the part which makes you sound deluded." Lara's scowl deepened and Sam quickly said, "Okay! Apparently that wasn't the best expression. How about we just go back and-"

"I'm not going back." Lara interjected. "Marlow can go fuck himself. I'm done." She stormed off towards the stairs.

"Lara come back here!" Sam yelled. When she didn't stop she asked, "Where are you going?!"

"For a walk!" Lara waved without looking back. She disappeared down the stairs.

Sam could have punched a wall right then and there. _Fucking dammit!_

She walked to the railing and barely suppressed her urge to kick the glass.

Great. This was the perfect time for Lara to act like a teenager. That stupid stubbornness was a real pain in the ass. Why couldn't Lara get any reason through her thick head? What the fuck was wrong with her?

Sam took a deep breath, clenching the railing and closing her eyes. Lara was just stressed. She didn't want this life. This was just the rocky start to it. It was Sam's job to make sure Lara eased into it. Even if that meant that there was a little bit more pressure on her. Lara was just stressed. She'll get over this soon. And then we'll be fine.

Sam took another, deeper breath, slowing her thoughts down. _And then we'll be fine. _

Sam straightened and opened her eyes. Where ever Lara went, she could take care of herself. Right now she needed to think of a way to explain this to her father. He would not be happy.


	12. Chapter 12

I should probably mention that pfangirl's _Can't Go Home _was the inspiration for you like this angry, dark Lara I recommend you read it (if you haven't already that is).

* * *

Lara walked down the street, her hands shoved in her pockets. Someone bumped into her- or maybe she bumped into him- and Lara shot him a glare. The curse that was on the man's tongue evaporated instantly and he quickly apologised, stumbling over his words. Lara pulled her jacket tighter around her and put her head back down.

She breathed deeply trying to slow her drumming pulse.

_Fucking Marlow, s_he thought. Lara knew that some journalists could be relentless in their pursuit but she never understood how insidious they were either.

The questions Marlow asked…they were innocuous on the surface but she saw through the facade. Specifically it was the way he phrased the questions. '…be so serendipitous', '…things weren't as bad as they could have been…'- they were all structured so the victim hears it one way when he really meant another.

How did anything that happened on the island lucky? That whole fucking journey was cursed. And everyone knew it.

In a power sense, it was a brilliant strategy. This way, the editors could plant the right seed and the entire world would hear was what Marlow wanted them to. If she had said that she didn't believe she would be so lucky to find the island, they would have said she cared about glory over her friends.

Sam didn't believe her though- she thought she was crazy even though she wouldn't admit it. But she never saw the glimmer in Marlow's eyes, or the cold calculations of each move even though she was more knowledgeable in the media world than her. It was ironic, really.

Lara stumbled on a crack and her heart leapt into her throat for a second. She looked around; muscles tense; waiting for someone to rush her or for the sound of gunfire.

Nothing happened.

Everyone continued with their monotonous march.

Lara started walking again and rubbed her face. Okay, that was a little _too _paranoid. She still had enough sense to recognise that.

_Some hero, _she could hear the world whisper.

_Do you think you're the hero Lara?_

Lara put her hand to her temple and stopped walking. _I'm not a hero, _she thought. The last time she had heard that grating voice was on the ship. Now it was back. _Go. Away. _

She put a hand against the wall to steady herself as the world became woozy. She put her sweaty hands on her knees and squeezed her eyes shut, breathing deeply. Her chest heaved for air, feeling her stomach crawl up her throat but nothing came out. Her mouth was dry, but tasted like bile.

_ 'You're my hero,' _Sam had said.

Lara leaned slumped against the wall and blinked. Her knees felt like they were going to collapse anytime soon.

Sam…The thought made her chuckle to herself. Sam was so blissfully ignorant of the reality of the situation, so misguided.

It was something Lara envied.

Still, Sam wanted to help her friend. It was a nice thought, but vexing that she constantly treated her with kid gloves or a mental patient. The rest of the world thought she was insane; she didn't need her best friend against her as well.

She needed Sam now. She needed to remember that all the horrors that she did wasn't for nothing.

Lara breathed steadily and looked around. No one seemed to care that she almost collapsed in the street. It was the best she could have hoped for.

Up above, the sky was an ominous grey, threatening rain at any moment. She should probably get home before Zeus got angry. Lara took out her phone and tapped on Sam's number when someone tapped her shoulder. She turned around and saw an Asian man with a pen and a notepad in his hands.

"Lara Croft," he said in a terrible Japanese accent, "Hi I am Kim and I have daughter who is also want to be an archaeologist. She see your discovery of Yamatai and has become obsessed with you."

The phone was still ringing. Lara started walking quickly, trying to get away from _Kim. _"Look I'm kind of-"

"I am sorry to bother but could I get autograph for her? She will be very happy."

Lara hung up the phone. It didn't look like Sam was going to pick up anytime soon, and this man was getting on her nerves. "You are clearly a reporter," she said turning to the man. "You're accent is quite racist and I'm sure your name isn't _Kim_. Now get lost." She turned and began walking even faster than before.

"Come on Lara," the reporter said, his accent immediately American. "Just a few questions. For my daughter. You know you're going to make a little girl cry?"

"You mean you?" she asked.

"I guess I set myself up for that one," he said, almost having to run to keep pace with her. "One question. Come on."

"Go. Away."

"If you don't answer my questions I will shout to everyone that you're here."

Lara ignored the man. The reporter wouldn't have the guts to, not if he wanted an exclusive.

"Hey everyone!" The reporter yelled. Lara froze. "This is Lara Croft! Lara Croft everybody!" Several people turned to look at them and she could feel their stares prickling her skin.

Lara clapped a hand over the man's mouth and shoved him against the wall. "What the fuck are you doing?" she snarled.

The reporter moved her hand off his mouth. "I warned you," he said smugly. "Now take your hands off me or I will sue you for assault. Wouldn't that be a story?"

Lara felt her hip for her pistol, but of course, it wasn't there. She clenched her teeth.

"Lara Croft," someone said. Lara let go of the man and turned to look at the woman next to her. She had her phone out, set on record. "How have your experiences on Yamatai affected your life?" she asked. Lara looked around and could see three more people running her way, no doubt more reporters.

She shoved passed the woman and kept her head down. "Leave me alone," she growled.

"Could you say it has made you more violent, erratic?" the reporter asked.

Lara put her hands over her ears. She gritted her teeth but she was aware that more people had joined the crowd behind her. She could still hear snatches of the questions they were asking. _Attack...people dead… friends, death, ghosts, palace, blood, Mathias. _She pressed her hands tighter over her ears until she broke out into a run.

The wind rushed past her face and her boots pounded against the floor. She weaved through the crowd of people, feeling the adrenaline coursing through her veins once more. Behind her, the mob gave chase, restless for blood.

Lara ran down the street, her eyes darting this way and that, planning her next move, her next step. There was a bridge to the left of her. It was blockaded for some reason. Lara vaulted over the metal railing then darted up the stairs, two at a time.

The mob was still behind her.

Lara reached the top of the bridge and looked around. To her left, the bridge continued.

No good.

To her right, the bridge dropped down a few feet onto a neighbouring building.

_One way, _she thought.

Lara vaulted over the barrier and landed on her knees. She quickly got to her feet then began running again, not caring where to.

Just running away.

She wall jumped up onto the next building then turned left, sliding over a table in the way.

Leaped onto a crate then across to another building, catching its edge.

She hauled herself up. Vaulted over a corrugated fence.

And kept running.

The rush of blood in her ears drowned out every other sound. There was pain in her stomach, in her feet. She was alive to every step, every touch. She felt alive.

Running for her life. Through the forest, through the shanty town, through the rooftops.

This was her element.

Lara dropped down several buildings until she dropped into an alleyway. The path in front of her was a dead end. She turned around. There was a gate. It was locked but she could climb over.

Lara ran up to it and leaped up, catching the edge. She hauled herself over the gate and dropped to the ground, landing roughly on her feet. She stumbled back, still watching the buildings as if she expected someone to appear.

"Say cheese!"

Lara spun around and lashed out, her fist clenched. A sharp pain jolted through her knuckles, and through her whole hand. Lara cried out in pain and stumbled back, squeezing her injured hand against her body. She looked up at the woman who was rubbing her cheek with an amused smile across her chapped lips.

"What the hell are you made of?!" Lara yelled.

The woman ignored her reaction. She looked at the picture's she took and murmured to herself, "Yes…yes, that's good." She looked at Lara, "But I could use some more."

She took another photo of Lara, sending sharp white flashes through her eyes. Lara backed against the fence, shielding her face and felt her other hand close around a loose railing. Growling, she lashed out blindly with her left hand, grabbing the camera while with the other she wretched the railing free. Lara pulled the camera towards her then swung the pole clockwise, pouring all her strength into the swing.

The pole clanged against the wall. A harsh jar reverberated through her bones, up her arm and sent her hand ringing. Lara cried out again and fell to her knees. The pain in her hand was amplified a hundredth fold and she could feel every single pulse.

Lara keeled over and pressed her hand against her stomach and bit her tongue, trying to restrain the cries. She squeezed her eyes tight, stopping the tears from coming.

"You should know not to close your eyes when attacking someone." The woman said. She had a mellow English accent. "It's terrible form."

Lara breathed heavily through her clenched teeth and squinted at the woman towering over her. The hood…the sunglasses… the jacket, even though it was more rugged she had seen it all before.

"It's you," she realised. "From the lobby."

The woman smirked and picked up her camera, putting it back in its pouch at her belt. Lara blinked. So was she part of the paparazzi? If so how could she not recognise her before?

"So you finally caught up with the rest of the world?" Lara snarled, "And now you're stalking me?"

The woman snorted and walked slowly in front of her. "Stalking? You're too paranoid Lara," she said. She cocked her head. "Or are you just crazy?"

Lara grimaced, from the pain in her hand and from the verbal blow. Everyone seemed to be questioning her sanity these days and she was starting to believe them. "I'm sane enough to restrain the urge to kill you right now," she growled.

The woman walked around her in a deliberate slowness. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. "Look at you," she said, almost sadly. "You're a sad excuse for a hero."

"I'm not a _hero_!" she yelled. Why was everyone calling her that?

"Well then by logic you must be a villain!" The woman exclaimed. She knelt down in front of her and clucked her tongue. "What was it Marlow said?" she asked, sounding each word slowly._ "'You're a pioneer of our knowledge of the ancient world._'" She tilted her head knowingly and smiled. "But it wasn't archaeology that was on your mind was it?"

Lara flashed back to Yamatai. Again.

She needed to survive.

She needed to kill.

All of them.

She remembered looking down the sight of the assault rifle, crosshair locked on their heads. She never knew how frail the human body was until it she saw a single bullet take it down. The power she had in her hands ran simultaneously with the pleasure knowing that she had ended a threat.

"You have no idea what I did on that island," Lara told the woman quietly.

The woman raised a perfect eyebrow. "Didn't you take on an _'army of savage cultists'_?"

There was a shrine.

Decorated with candles.

Candles everywhere.

White paint streaked the walls in images that were unfathomable, but knew were demonically religious. A burnt body was strung up and they bowed down on the ash floor at its charred feet, chanting, in the name of the Sun Queen_. _

Lara swallowed and closed her eyes for a second. "They…" She opened her eyes. "They were so fucked up."

"They were fathers, sons, husbands- all misguided." She leaned closer. "And you killed them."

Lara licked her lips. "They...they had to die."

"Yeah," she agreed mockingly. "Because by killing them; you _'saved your friends'._"

_Seems like those caught with you have a pretty low life expectancy, _Reyes noted. She didn't save Alex, or Grimm, or Roth. Not even Whitman.

They had died.

The Solarii too.

She had mowed then down.

Those around her ended up dead; by her hands or her enemies.

_There are no heroes here, _Mathias whispered, _only survivors. _

The heavens thundered above her and Lara bared her teeth, repeating the same words she had said to Marlow. "I'm a survivor," she growled. "And I don't expect anyone to understand."

The woman stood up and walked around her.

For some reason, Lara couldn't bring herself to move. This woman had an eerie hold on her, and she couldn't escape it. She just sat there on her knees, cradling her throbbing hand. She could feel her neck tingle as the woman placed her lips next to her ear. "I understand more than you know Lara Croft," she whispered.

Lara turned around and followed the woman as she walked back in front of her. There was something seriously wrong with her. She was so familiar….the dark blue clothes; the white chalked sleeves; the elaborate necklace around her neck, indigenous and tribal. And then there was her accent. Did she come from Berkshire, just like her? Why did it sound like she had heard it before?

But there was something else seriously off. "How do you know all this?" Lara asked. There was no way that she could know so much- not when Lara hadn't said anything about her personal experiences except to Sam and Reyes.

"I know many things Lara," the woman said, walking back and forth in front of her. "I know the earth is round. I know that I need light to see. I know that fire hurts." She turned to her, her sunglasses obscuring her eyes. "And I know that you're a psychopathic killer."

."I'm not crazy!" Lara snapped. She growled deep in her throat. She couldn't take this judgement anymore. The pain was everywhere; in her hand, in her heart, in the world. "I'm not crazy! I'm not a killer! I'm not a hero, and I wish the world would stop calling me one!"

The woman's tone sharped into a knife. "You killed sons, husbands, fathers without a second thought."

"They attacked me! I did what I had to do to survive!"

"So did they!"

"They were monsters!"

"As opposed to you: the blood soaked saint?"

Lara grimaced. That pierced her heart.

And it just added to what was already on her.

She was covered with blood. Hers, her enemies, her friends.

_No, _she shook her head. _No no no no. I'm not like them. I'm not like _him.

"I never lost my humanity on that island_,_" she said through clenched was her only saving grace. "I never lost my humanity on that island_ .They_ did."

"Do you really believe that?" the woman asked quietly.

Lara thought back to all that had happened. The bloodlust running through her veins, the power of death in her hands, the blind eye when she searched their bodies.

_You're not cold at heart, _Sam had said.

Her touch was so warm, so gentle.

Lara had to believe it. She had to. It was the only thing holding her together.

"Yes," she finally said. "I saved Jonah, Reyes. I even tried saving Captain Jessop. And Sam… there was an army of undead and Solarii in my way but I never gave up."

The woman laughed bitterly and clapped her hands together. "Sam Sam Sam Sam Sam!" She jumped with the last word. Then, she knelt down in front of her and tapped her knee. She said each word slowly, "You know what the funny thing is? You could have saved all your friends if you just let her go."

Lara blinked. She stopped breathing.

She stared at the woman in front of her and felt the world slow down. She was frozen._  
_

It had happened twice…the briefest of moments, the most cursory of glances.

First, it was when Grimm died: _Is it worth it?_

The second happened when Roth met his end: _All this death…what is it for?_

Lara had banished that thought from her mind. She never told Sam either. Now, it was back to haunt her.

It started gnawing at her mind, at her conscience. Spreading. Tiny bites of doubt and guilt, gnawing. Chewing.

Consuming.

She tried conjuring back a sharp remark but her voice failed her.

"You could have been a hero." The woman said. "Roth, Grimm, Alex and so many other people who just wanted to live…they would still be alive if you just let her go."

Lara swallowed and shook her head."She's my best friend," she said, her voice weak.

The woman looked at her, her lips crestfallen. "What is one life compared to hundreds Lara?" she said, her voice almost breaking. She stood, and became brusque again. "What was it Roth said? '_Sometimes you've got to make sacrifices…You can't save everyone.' _Why didn't you listen to him?"

Lara said nothing. She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing everything to go away. _Just stop please,_ she pleaded.

"So many people would still be alive," the woman continued, her voice low, condemning.

_It's impossible. It's not guaranteed. Stop._

"-If you just let her go."

_NO. I have to save her. I can't help her. _

"It's her fault and you know it."

"SHUT UP!" she snapped. Lara tried getting to her feet but she couldn't feel them anymore and collapsed back down on her knees. The concrete was coarse. She pushed herself up onto her hands but that was as far as she got.

The muscles in her right hand shifted as she clenched it, intensifying the pain. "Why are you doing this to me?" she asked the ground, hearing the pitifulness in her own voice.

"Because you need to face the truth," the woman whispered, almost sympathetically. "You've been running since you came back from Yamatai."

Lara pushed herself back onto her knees and stared up at the woman. Her face was immaculate, her brunette hair long and shimmering in the low light. She was beautiful. Beautiful, like a dragon.

Lara looked at the woman wearily. "Who are you?" she asked, exhaling.

The woman kneeled down in front of her and leaned close until Lara could see her reflection in the dark sunglasses. She was pathetic- her hair was dishevelled, the scar on her lip was bleeding again, and her eyes were so tired.

The woman smiled sly and said quietly, slowly, "You tell me Lara."

Lara turned away and closed her eyes. There was something disconcerting about not being able to see someone's eyes. If they were the window to one's soul, it was impossible to tell who they were.

But it was even more perturbing to see herself reflected back at her. For a long time, Lara had made an effort to not look in a mirror. But now she could see everything. All the pain. All the anger. All the melancholy. All her mistakes.

She killed. She ran. She cowered. She could have done better…

And then there was Sam.

Her biggest mistake.

Her greatest accomplishment.

_How could she? _

_How could I? _

The bodies were before her. Hundreds; scattered on a cracked battlefield. Friends, no different to enemies. Bleeding red into the night.

_I could have stopped this. _

Something cold struck her cheek and she opened her eyes. The world was grey, cold. Another raindrop struck her brow, followed quickly by many more.

Lara frowned and looked around as the rain came down, but she was alone.

The woman was gone.

_How long have I been here? _She thought.

Lara winced and rocked forward on her knees as her hand suddenly pounded in pain. She pressed her forehead against the concrete, moaning, and pressed her hand as hard as she could against her hip, where there was another throbbing pain. The air became stifling as she breathed against the ground. She just wanted to curl up here and sleep. Sleep forever.

But she couldn't.

Lara crawled slowly onto her feet and rose, using the wall for support. She shuffled out of the alleyway, each step feeling like there was lead in her boots.

And then she realised she had no idea where she was.

Lara squinted at the scene in front of her, not quite seeing it. It was raining, and it was getting worse every second. Her stomach twisted, threatening to come up, and her heart scraped itself against its broken pieces. She blinked a few times, taking a few seconds each for her mind to absorb the buildings, the shops, and the people here.

Lara slumped against the wall and felt her pockets with her uninjured hand, tapping each with numb fingers. She eventually found her phone in her back pocket. She took it out and stared at it for a second, breathing breathlessly and blinking the rain out of her eyes. Then, she dialled the number.

She didn't know who else to call.

It went to voice message.

"Sssam?" Lara said, looking around. "I'm…I'm lost."


	13. Chapter 13

"Sam," her father said. "You did well."

"Really?" Sam asked sarcastically. Wait a second; the catch was coming anytime now.

"Yes," he said. Was that a smile? "You're recount of the events was quite interesting. And whether you did it on purpose or not you know how to build suspense. It's not the interview we hoped for today. But I think they'll be pleased with what they have."

The compliment took her by surprise. Sam thought her father would still be reprimanding her for letting Lara go. He had not been happy then but thank the gods they were in public. That had saved her ass from being grilled.

"Thanks…dad," she said, smiling. She picked up her jacket from the make-up chair then followed him outside.

He handed back her camera then said, "I will go back to the office. I'll see you back home tonight. If you see Lara, call me. I need to have a few words with her about her end of the contract."

Sam nodded. _She _would like to have a few words with Lara as well. She said goodbye to her dad, feeling that, despite the disastrous day, at least something good happened.

Sam took out her phone as she entered the elevator. She had two missed calls, both from Lara. Inside, her rage flared just a little at the thought of talking to her again. Or rather, a stubborn teenager.

The first call didn't have a voice message but the second one did. It had almost been ten since she called her. Sam would have loved to answer it but she had turned her phone off during the interview with Marlow.

"Sssssam?" Lara said slowly. "I'm…I'm lost." Sam furrowed her eyebrows. This was a weird call. Lara sounded drunk, or really dazed.

The call went silent and Sam thought Lara had hung up or lost the phone when she spoke again. "Umm…I don't know where I am," she continued, slower than before. "I can't see the BBC studios here, but I can see group of tall buildings in the distance. There are a lot of trees opposite me. I think that's a park. But it's smaller than normal. Umm… I'm standing in front of a corner shop, but it's closed. I can see Smarties through the windows!" Lara chuckled to herself. _Okay…she_ _sounds like she's lost her mind, _Sam thought. _There has to be a reasonable explanation._

"There's a Laos take-away shop here. And a café, called…S...s…Streamers? I can't read any of the street signs…but I hope that's enough. I might…just sit down here."

There was another long pause. The elevator dinged and Sam narrowly got out before getting cleaved in half. She frowned and put a hand over her other ear to block out the background noise. She could hear…was that breathing? Or was it rain?

Lara seemed very distracted and detached which was worryingly uncharacteristic of her. "Ssam…" Lara pleaded, quietly. The vulnerability in her voice broke her heart. She had never heard Lara like this before. "P-please come get me."

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four seconds.

The call ended.

Sam saw her driver and ran over to him. It was raining outside and he had come inside with an umbrella. "Hey," she said. She tried reiterating the place Lara had described to him in Japanese. She had no idea where it was but maybe he did. "Do you know where it is?"

"Of course Miss Nishimura," he said. "I actually live near that road." He opened the umbrella and led her to the car, shielding them both from the downpour.

It took around ten minutes to get to the road Lara described. In the meantime, Sam tried contacting Lara but she never picked up. Sam looked outside the window, scanning the sidewalks for her friend. There was something in Lara's tone- it lacked the anger or seriousness or _stability_ of late. It evoked within her a sort of…what was it? Protectiveness?

It was rather amusing considering that Lara was the one who rescued her on Yamatai. And now it was Sam who thought she needed to shield Lara from the hurt in the world. It was almost the protectiveness a boyfriend had for his girlfriend.

Sam sighed and refocused on the road. She needed to help her friend now.

She needed to save her.

Because it was raining, there weren't many people outside and it wasn't long before she caught a lone figure sitting against the wall with one leg outstretched, the other pulled to her chest. The awning above her shielded her partially from the wind-swept rain. Her head rested on her knee and she wasn't moving.

"Stop." Sam ordered. "Give me the umbrella." The driver handed her the umbrella and she got out. It was really coming down now.

"Lara!" Sam called. She didn't move.

_Please don't be dead, _she prayed silently.

As she got closer she could see that Lara's white blouse was stained pinkish on the side, where her hip wound was. Was that blood?

Water was running off her jacket and hair, and her clothes stuck to her skin. How long had she been out here in the rain?

Sam kneeled down next to Lara, shielding the both of them from the rain.

"Lara," she said, shaking her shoulder.

Lara stirred, disturbing some water droplets on her arm. She blinked and looked around slowly until she saw her friend. "Sam," she said quietly, smiling tiredly. With her left hand she touched her cheek. Sam recoiled slightly from her cold fingers. "You're safe."

Sam stared at Lara. Seeing her friend like this played on the strings of pity on her heart. Her muscles were just so lax- there was no energy left. Her mind seemed scattered, incoherent. And her eyes- they were once hazel, bright…but now they were as dull as the skies above them. She was tired.

Physically and emotionally.

"I thought you weren't going to come," she said, leaning her head back against the wall.

"I'm here," Sam said softly. She took her hand and helped her up. "Come on. Let's get somewhere dry."

She helped her friend into the car then got in herself. "Take us home," she told the driver.

"Of course," he replied.

Sam told Lara to put her seatbelt on but she didn't respond. She just stared out the window, watching the rain slash the glass.

Sam slid over to sit in the middle seat then fastened Lara's seat belt for her. "Lara," she said. "Are you alright?" Lara didn't respond. "Lara," she repeated, firmer.

"What?" Lara asked, looking around. Her eyes scanned everything, but didn't focus on anything.

"Are you okay?" Sam repeated, though it was kind of rhetorical because she clearly wasn't. She gestured to her hip, where the shirt above it was still pink.

Lara looked down at it for a few seconds before reacting. "Oh," she said simply. She pulled her shirt up but Sam couldn't see because she was sitting on the wrong side. "It's fine." Lara said nonchalantly.

"Can I see?" she asked gently.

"No."

Sam had to restrain a sigh. "Why not?"

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt or anything." With that, she returned to staring out the window, her gaze vacant.

Sam chewed on her lower lip. Lara had a major tendency to downplay everything but she also knew that she wasn't going to let Sam see the wound. And in her stunned state it was hard to gauge if she was really in any pain. "Are you cold?" she asked, not really knowing what to say. "You should probably take your wet jacket off. Do you want mine? It's drier."

"It's okay."

_Right. _

Sam shifted in her seat. This wasn't the usual aloofness that Lara had post-Yamatai. She was distracted, vacant…she didn't seem to be with herself let alone in this world. "What happened?" Sam asked softly.

Lara remained quiet, but Sam could tell that she had heard her. Her expression turned sad, whereas before…well there wasn't one.

"Lara," she repeated, letting her frustration edge her tone. She reached out and touched her shoulder but she flinched away like it carried the plague.

The action took Sam aback and stabbed her heart a little.

Sam cleared her throat awkwardly. "What happened?" she asked again, dropping her brusqueness.

Her friend bowed her head and didn't say anything. Sam thought she wasn't going to answer when she muttered, "I...I don't know."

"...You don't know?" Sam asked.

Lara shrugged half-heartedly and sighed. "I don't know."

Sam leaned back. This was so weird…She looked out the window and rubbed her arms. This numb quietness was worse than her unexplained anger. At least she spoke to her then.

Who sat beside her wasn't Lara Croft, or even the dark shadow that she became on Yamatai- it was a ghost. A ghost who was drifting, lost in the past.

Lara winced. Sam looked over and caught the blur of blood as she shook her hand. "What happened to your hand?" she exclaimed. She caught it and turned it over in her hands, noticing the abrasive red colouring on her knuckles, the tiny scars and scratches of skin amongst blobs of bluish bruises. It looked like some scratches had been bleeding, but had washed clean from the rain. Lara winced when Sam's fingers pressed against her pinkie. It must be broken.

"I…I don't know," Lara mumbled, "I think I punched someone."

Sam looked at her incredulously. "You _think_? How do you not know if you punched someone?" She let go of her hand.

Lara rubbed her knuckles and looked at Sam, but her gaze was miles away. "I don't know. The woman was really hard; like she was made of stone or something."

"You punched a woman?!" she exclaimed again. Men, Sam could understand but women?

Lara shrugged half-heartedly. "I don't know what I punched."

"You need to get that that scanned. I think you broke a bone." She told the driver to go to the hospital. Sam also noticed that the pink stained area was now red. "And you've popped your stiches. You need to get that fixed."

Lara blinked then frowned, the most emotion she had shown since Sam saw her. "No," she said. She told the driver _not _to go to the hospital in Japanese.

"Are you serious Lara?" Sam asked, incredulous.

Lara looked at her, her eyes defiant. "I will fix it," she said, her tone hard. "I don't need to go to a hospital for that."

"A broken bone is hard to fix without medical attention."

"I don't need it!" she whined.

"You _need_ to get that professionally checked."

"Why? It doesn't hurt!"

Sam squeezed the bridge of her nose. Aside from the fact that her words contradicted her actions she was starting to sound like a kid. "You're a terrible liar Lara," she said, exasperated. "You are going to the hospital, whether you like it or not." She told the driver that they _were _going to the hospital.

Lara huffed and folded her arms. "Yes mum," she said mockingly. With that, she frowned and returned to staring out the window.

Sam closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. What was happening? In less than a second Lara went from silent to sulking. Things just got a lot worse and Sam just felt terrible about herself.

Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard with Lara, especially when something happened to shake her so. Not knowing what had hurt her just made things worse- what kind of person couldn't tell what was wrong with their friend?

Sam sighed. If she couldn't take away her emotional pain, then at least she could help her physically. Lara could take care of herself, but she still needed the medical attention, even if she didn't want it.

_Sometimes, it's easier talking to a brick wall, _she thought.

She looked over and caught Lara staring at her. She had a strange expression; not quite angry, bemused or sad but a mixture of all. It's...it's like she wanted something from her…but what that was she knew not.

"Something wrong?" Sam asked.

Lara stared at her for a second longer. Then she sighed heavily and looked away closing her eyes. She muttered something under her breath, so quiet Sam barely caught it.

_"I'm sorry," _she whispered to herself.

* * *

_Lara asked me once if I was afraid of her. I told her I wasn't._

_The truth is…I lied to her that night. _

_I could make you a list of all the things about her that frightens me…but the simple truth is; I don't know her anymore._

_And it scares me._


	14. Chapter 13 (Part 2)

Finally the next part is up! Thanks again to Eddie for helping check the second part.

Half Moon Run's 'Full Circle' inspired a part of the upcoming chapter. A really great song that you guys should check out, or not, it doesn't matter.

* * *

"Heyyy Reyes," Sam said, smiling.

The screen shook and Sam caught a glimpse of a blurred Reyes for a moment before it settled on her face and came into focus. "Hey Sam," she said. "Sorry about that." She looked over her shoulder. "_Someone_ dropped the web cam."

"It wasn't me!" yelled a voice off screen.

Reyes rolled her eyes towards Sam but she was smiling and Sam couldn't help but chuckle. "Alisha come here and say hello to Samantha!"

Reyes moved off the chair and Alisha jumped on. Sam was surprised about how much she looked like Reyes. She had straight chocolate hair, skin that was a little paler than her mother's, full lips like her mother but wore a smile on it instead of a frown.

But her eyes…the shimmering brown were very much Roth's. When Lara told her that Roth was a father, she didn't believe it. But now, seeing Alisha…Sam wondered how much more Alisha was like her father.

She waved into the web cam and Sam beamed and waved back. "Hey Alisha," she asked. "Remember me?"

Alisha nodded. "I saw you on T.V last night Sam. But that's not the important thing; you promised you would take me out shopping the last time we met."

Sam cocked her head. "Did I?"

"Yeah!"

Reyes looked smug next to her. "You can't go back on your word Sam," she said.

Sam smiled and shook her head. Though it would have been fun dressing someone up, she wasn't sure Reyes would agree with her choices. "How could I break a little girl's heart?" she said. "Next time we meet face to face I promise. Though only if your mum will let you out of her sight."

Alisha grinned. "Don't get me wrong Sam, I'm glad she's back but she didn't bring me a souvenir."

"Alright baby that's enough. Go play." She shoved her gently off the chair then sat down again.

Sam chuckled. "Such a cheeky child," she noted. "Where does she get it from?"

Reyes smirked. "Definitely not me. But at least she has my sense."

Sam snorted. "Yeah sense you have a lot of." Reyes rolled her eyes.

The waiter came over with her latte. Sam moved the laptop so she could put it down then thanked her. She blew the steam away then took a sip. "So how have you been?" she asked. "I've seen your snaps on a few papers."

Reyes sighed. "Yeah those bastards haven't let us have a day to ourselves. They don't seem to understand the word _NO._"

"Yeah that's not a word in their dictionary," Sam agreed.

"Your dad doesn't seem to understand it either. Could you possibly teach it to him?"

Sam grimaced. "I'm sorry Reyes. I've tried telling him that you don't want to enter a contract but he didn't listen to me."

Reyes tapped the desk. "Well could you stop sipping your expensive coffee and try harder?"

Sam pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrow. "Well when you put it so nicely how can I refuse?"

Reyes sighed and rubbed her face. "Sorry Samantha. I've just been under a bit of stress lately."

"Yeah I can tell." With the morning light streaming from a window that must have been in front of Reyes, Sam could make out the crow's feet and the bags under her eyes. Her overalls were more oil than cloth and the wound on her arm was red, like it had recently reopened. "What's happening?"

"Well it's just the press and your father who are the main pricks in my side." Reyes waved her hand dismissively, but Sam didn't think that was all. "Enough with the depressing talk. You're drinking coffee at night- work must be driving you crazy."

Sam smirked. "Well if I continue drinking coffee like this I will go crazy." She shrugged. "I don't feel like alcohol and water's too boring. Caffeine is just a side effect."

"Sounds like a wonderful life. Well the coffee and the interviews. You must really be loving this."

"Uhh well…"

"Wow." Reyes interrupted, a smirk spreading across her face. "It's not fun being on the other side of the cameras?"

"Well actually this attention is pretty awesome. It's nice to finally be recognised." Sam flashed Reyes a joking smile.

Reyes raised an eyebrow. "Really? Where's Lara?"

Sam pressed her lips together and took a sip of her latte. "Lara's doing an interview. Having a real blast."

"Why aren't you with her?"

Sam lifted the latte up to the screen. "I got thirsty."

Reyes barked a laugh. "You should work on your poker face. It needs a lot of work." She cocked her head. "Something happen between you two?"

Sam took a longer drink of her latte, stalling for time. Reyes would probably tell her to suck it up, or that she was an idiot, but not being able to talk to Lara about the problem because she _was_ the problem was driving her crazy. Reyes wasn't the most sympathetic person but maybe she would be able to offer some advice because frankly, Sam had no idea what to do.

Sam put the glass down then said, "Umm…uh yeah. She's recently entered into a contract with my father where I'm like her co-manager. And she's just…I guess a lot more distant and angry. And maybe I'm just being stupid but I don't understand what Lara's thinking sometimes. Like last night I asked her if she was hungry and she literally said, 'I don't have time. I need to stop.' And then she blinked and looked at me with this really strange expression she's been giving me recently. "

Reyes folded her arms and shrugged, bemused. "I...don't know what to say."

Sam sighed. "I feel like she doesn't want me around," she confessed.

"Has she said that outright? If she hasn't maybe you're just being melodramatic."

"So now you decide to have something to say," Sam said, slightly irritated. "Funnily for once I'm not being a drama queen. I don't know what I did to offend her. When she _does _talk to me it's with monosyllables and she pretends to act busy staring at nothing. " She rubbed the rim of the glass. "It's like she does everything in her power to avoid talking to me."

"Have you asked her what's wrong?" Reyes asked.

"She just says it's nothing."

"Maybe it's because you're managing her career then," she suggested.

Sam shrugged half-heartedly. "Maybe. But I asked her like five times if she wanted to quit ever since that interview and she's always said no." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I don't understand what's wrong."

Reyes was quiet for a while. Sam glanced over to where the elevator was. Up two floors, Lara was doing an interview again. Sam should have been with her- that was part of the deal- but she couldn't stand another ten minutes of being silently detested.

Lara answered the questions with a rehearsed eloquence but she sat a good arm's length away from Sam and she did not look at her once. Once, Sam tried covering for a question about the Solarii on the island but Lara shut her down snidely. Even worse was the final question before their break.

"So far the military have found around a hundred and fifty bodies and even a few survivors- one woman and a few men." The interviewer said. "What do you think about that?"

"You mean the Solarii?" Sam asked, feeling her throat tighten.

"The exact details haven't been released but what if they were? What do you guys think?"

Sam pressed her lips together and looked at Lara. Lara's expression was unreadable, just like everything about her these days, but she hadn't said anything. She wondered what she was feeling- whether she was threatened or angry or upset.

"The Solarii never kept any women so I think she'll be glad to finally be away from them," Sam began slowly. She took a breath. "But if the men are Solarii- I don't think they should be let into society." She had escaped her nightmare, she didn't want to be stalked, kidnapped then sacrificed again for revenge or some remnant obsession with Himiko.

"A lot more people should have survived," Lara said, her tone hardening. She looked at Sam. "Don't you agree Sam?"

Sam furrowed her brow and met Lara's eyes. The hazel glow was all but absent, instead replaced with a piercing, critical gloom. Sam shifted in her seat, growing even more uncomfortable. She couldn't help but feel like Lara blamed her for something, though she didn't know what she had done wrong.

"Samantha?" The interviewer asked.

Sam tore away from Lara's eyes and looked back at him. "Umm yeah," she murmured. She could feel Lara's glare on her. "It's…it's a shame."

When it was time for a break Sam told her father she wasn't feeling well and needed to sit the rest out. She must have put on a really convincing act if her father let her go, not that she was complaining.

"What would you do if you were in my situation?" she asked Reyes suddenly.

Reyes looked up. "What I would do isn't what should be done," she said. "Lara doesn't need another me right now. She needs you."

"You have some idea of what to do though." Sam insisted. "I have no fucking idea."

Reyes sighed. "If you want advice call Jonah. He's much more sympathetic."

"Please Reyes," she begged. "I just…I need _some_ idea of what to do. It's…it's hard seeing someone you care about hurt themselves and know that you're too stupid to stop them."

Reyes sighed. She rubbed her brow. "The best advice I can give you is to be there for her, even if she's pushing you away."

Sam buried her head in her hands. "Easier said than done."

"If she's really your best friend then you wouldn't give up on her so easily."

"I'm not giving up…" she said. She closed her eyes. "I would never give up on her. She means too much to me. I just…don't know what to do."

"I'll give her a call later." Reyes said. "See if I'll be able to see what's going on."

Sam lifted her head and smiled appreciatively. "Thanks Reyes."

In the dim reflection of the screen Sam saw two figures leave the elevator. Sam turned around and saw that it was Lara and her father. She turned to Reyes. "Hey sorry but I got to go," she said. "The interview's over. I'll call you later. "

"Take care of yourself Sam," Reyes said.

Sam closed the laptop then took a final drink before going to meet Lara and her father.

"Hey," she said to Lara, putting on a smile. "How'd you go?"

"Fine," Lara said bluntly, not once meeting her eyes.

_Right…_Sam thought awkwardly.

"Are you feeling better Samantha?" her father asked.

Sam looked to her father. "Yeah. Sorry about missing the rest of the interview."

"Well there's always next time," he said. Surprisingly, he didn't look too disappointed. "Besides, it's better that you are feeling well when you meet Ridley Adler."

"Oh that's tonight?" Sam exclaimed. Damn she had forgotten about that. Sam just wanted to spend the night with Lara, maybe see if Reyes' advice would change anything. She didn't really want to leave her alone either, though she knew she could take care of herself.

"Yes," her father said. He began walking to the door. "Come on. Wei will drop us at the restaurant then take Lara home."

Sam wished her father would shut up. It only took a minute to get to the restaurant and her fathered briefed her about who they were going to meet which gave her no time to talk to Lara. Sam looked at Lara, who was staring out the window. She fiddled with her pendant, her eyes half-closed, like she was in a trance.

You couldn't see now because of the make-up but there were bags under her eyes. Lara had been staying up really late at night doing who knows what recently. When Sam would get up for a drink, she would see a light, filtering from the bottom of Lara's door. Once, she had gently opened the door to see what she was doing and Lara had almost thrown a book at her head.

"What the fuck Sam!" Lara had exclaimed. "I could have killed you! Don't you know how to knock?"

"I'm sorry! I was just wondering why you're awake at 2 a.m." she said. "Umm, can you put that book down?"

Lara looked at the book then opened her hand. The book clattered to the floor. "Well I would be able to get some sleep if _some _people would stop barging into my room!"

Sam resisted the urge to defend herself, as arguing this late at night wouldn't solve the problem she came in here to sort out. Instead just said, "Sorry then…uhh I hope you have a nice sleep," and then closed the door.

"We're here." Her father said from up front. "Leave your laptop here and let's go. We're already late."

Sam unfastened her seatbelt. "Hey, umm…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say. Lara blinked and moved her head slightly. Sam bit her lower lip. "How's your hand?" she asked.

Lara flexed her bandaged hand. There hadn't been much damage from punching a woman or a brick wall but her last two fingers had been fractured slightly. It wasn't serious, but it would take a month or two to heal.

"Better," she said softly, still staring out the window.

"Oh. That's…great."

Her dad tapped on the window. Sam looked to him and winced. She opened the car door but hesitated before getting out. "Look...If you ever need anything or just want to talk, I'm here for you," she said to Lara. "I'm not going anywhere."

Lara looked at her emotionlessly. "Enjoy your dinner," she said.

The irony of the situation hit her in the face. Suddenly, her whole support seemed stupid. "You know what I mean," she said, silently cursing herself for her ignorance. "Umm…get some sleep." She looked at Lara one more time, who hadn't changed, then left the car.

_Stupid, stupid! _Sam berated herself. _'I'm going anywhere,' the genius says as she leaves her friend._

There wasn't much she could do now, except endure through the next hour.

Ridley Adler was a famous director who had worked with several presenters like David Attenbourgh. Sam had studied his work before and he was in her top 5 directors because of his ability to film in near perfect condition in the most extreme conditions. Her father had heard Adler was in town and had organized a dinner with him, in order for Sam to maybe get some work experience with him. A few months ago, Sam would have given anything to shake his hand and now here she was having _dinner _with the man. She really should have been more excited but she couldn't stop thinking about Lara.

Lara, who was alone with no one to support her.

Lara, who was drifting even further and further away.

Lara, whose inner demons were building a pyre of immense proportions.

Lara, who had the torch in her hand.

"Sam?"

Sam looked up. "Sorry?"

"I asked what do you want to direct eventually?" Adler repeated again.

It was too long before it ended and they got back home. Man she could not wait to lie down.

"Sam," her father said when they entered the house.

"What?" Sam asked. She flicked on the lights.

"I thought you would be more interested in meeting Mr Adler tonight," he stated.

"I'm just tired. That's all."

"Are you sure directing is the path you wish to take?"

Sam turned around. She could not believe her father just said that. He had always been dubious of her career despite the encouraging facade. "Directing is the only thing I'm absolute about and I'm not about to give it up," she retorted.

Her father clenched his jaw and folded his arms- an expression she was all to familiar with. "I shouldn't have assumed," he said.

"Yeah it's stupid of you considering I told you why literally a second before." She started off. "Good night."

"Before you go to sleep tell Lara that she has a radio interview at nine tomorrow morning," her father said. "I forgot to tell her before."

Sam opened her mouth to argue but then shut it and rolled her eyes. Why bother arguing?

She went up the stairs and headed to the bathroom. On the way she passed Lara's door. She paused in front of it and bit her lower lip.

The light filtered through under the door, a sign that Lara was still up. She should really go in and tell Lara about her next interview, but she didn't really want to incite wrath of a sleep-deprived Croft.

Sam hesitated with her hand on the door knob. _Oh suck it up. How can you be afraid of your friend?_

She knocked the door softly, remembering last time, and pushed the door open gently. "I come in peace okay?" she said quietly.

She had expected Lara to be awake, but she wasn't. Instead, she was sitting back in her chair at the dresser, her arms folded, her eyes closed. In front of her was a dagger from Yamatai that she had been studying, and a blank sheet of paper.

Sam pressed her lips together and looked around Lara's room. It was a lot messier than Sam would have thought it would be. The clothes that she had worn over the last few days were on the floor while several newspapers were spread on the bed. Sam knew that Lara had been asking for the newspaper daily but she never knew she had been stockpiling them.

Sam turned to Lara. With the make-up gone, the dark bags under her eyes were evident. Man, she did not think she had ever seen her this tired, even when she stayed awake for almost two days straight studying. She was still wearing the clothes she had worn today; either too tired or not bothered to change into something more comfortable.

Sam knew she should wake her up and tell her about the interview but she was reluctant to. If Lara was pissed at her before, she would be even more if she got woken up unnecessarily. Plus, this might have been the first time she managed to sleep in a few days.

"Out with it Sam or are you just going to stare at me all night?" Sam flinched at the voice. Lara opened her eyes and looked at her slowly, her eyes clear and analytical.

Sam shifted from foot to foot. "Umm…" she suddenly forgot what she had to say. "Do you need anything?"she asked.

"No." Lara responded. "Do you?"

Sam looked at Lara's hard hazel eyes, afraid of what kind of reaction the next few words would provoke. "Uhh…You have a radio interview tomorrow. It's a nine so I assume you need to be ready by eight."

Lara sighed and rubbed her jaw. "Okay."

"You know you don't need to do this if you don't want to." Sam said, not entirely sure what she was thinking. "I can always get you out of the contract if you want."

"No." Lara said, rubbing her temples. "It's fine."

"This is clearly causing you a lot of stress so maybe it'll be a good idea to take a few days-"

"Sam I'm fine!" she snapped, slamming the table with her fist. "I don't know why you can't seem to understand but this contract is probably the best thing to happen to me since Yamatai. It's helped me deal with a whole lot of shit so-"

"OKAY Lara!" Sam shouted, throwing her hands up. Gods why did she even try? "I'm…I'm sorry I brought it up."

Lara got out of the chair and ran her hands through her hair, messing it up even more. "Sorry," she growled, walking around. "Sorry isn't enough these days is it?"

Sam shook her head helplessly, feeling so stupid. "I don't know what else-"

"Tell me Sam," Lara interrupted, turning around. Her eyes were softer, melancholy. "Did you ever think I gave up on you?"

Sam stared at Lara. It took a moment for her to realise what she was referring to.

Yamatai. It always came back to Yamatai.

Being alone with a madman on your left and murderers who probably would have liked to rape you also everywhere else was the scariest thing she had experienced. There were times in which she wondered if Lara would save her, but she knew deep in her heart- hell it was the only hope she had- that her friend was coming for her. "No," she said finally. "Your loyalty is so rare. I knew you would never give up on me; that you be trying your best to save me…but whether you would do it in time was the real question."

Lara walked to the mirror and wrapped her fingers around the back of the chair, leaning forward. Her bandaged fingers strained against the binding in a way that cannot be good for them. "My loyalty," she said quietly, seemingly to herself again. "It's the bane of everyone's existence isn't it?"

Sam opened her mouth to say... _something_ but her voice failed her. She didn't know how to reply. "Lara..."

"Ugh god I don't feel well," Lara said suddenly, leaning forward. Before Sam could respond Lara pushed her out of the way and ran for the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her and Sam heard retching sounds on the other side.

"Lara! What's wrong?" Sam yelled, knocking on the door. There were more retching sounds and Sam felt her own stomach start swelling. She put her hand over her mouth and tried to block out the sickening sounds in the background. She was glad she wasn't in there else she would be joining Lara.

It was a moment before Lara answered. "I'm…It's fine…" she said. Her voice sounded weak. "Go to sleep."

Sam swallowed and took a deep breath. She really needed a drink. "You've been feeling sick a lot recently," she said. "Maybe you should go to the doctors."

"No it's okay…" She could hear heavy breathing. "It…it always passes."

"Are you sure?"

Sam heard the toilet flush then the tap run. "Yes. Just…I just need some rest. Go to sleep Sam."

Sam hesitated then shook her head and went down to the kitchen to get a drink. Lara was probably fine. The nausea and vomiting were probably just side effects of the painkillers.

After the taste of bile was washed from her mouth, Sam went to her room and lay down on her bed. She stared at the ceiling, or rather the darkness, and tried to banish the thoughts plaguing her mind. She didn't know when she fell asleep, but she knew when she was back on Yamatai.

Sam was kneeling on the floor, the dead body of her ancestor raised on a podium in front of her…except she was watching everything unfold away from her body.

Mathias walked around her, his robes flapping wildly in the icy wind. He raised his arms and shouted over the howling winds, 'Oh great Queen. Through the trials I have brought you the vessel. Pour forth and return to this mortal coil! Pour forth and be reborn! Pour forth and awaken!

The dead body raised its head. Sam could see its face splinter and crack, pieces flying upwards. A blue light burst from her body and it chained to Sam, who began writhing and screaming.

Sam shivered and put her hands over her ears, trying to block out the bone-chilling screams. She couldn't tell whose they were.

The coldness inside of her returned and she remembered the feeling of her heart ripping from her body, her muscles burning with an icy rage and her very being trying to fight the ancient power forcing its way into her flesh. The pain...the pain was the only reason why Sam had fought against the spirit. She needed it to stop. Stop, before it ripped her soul to shreds.

She wasn't sure what was worse: watching it after having experienced it or actually experiencing it. The only thing that stopped her heart from giving itself up now was that she knew Lara would save her; any minute now.

Sam looked around. There was no one here.

_Where is she? s_he thought. Her past's petrifying screams still pierced the air a few feet from her. Mathias was watching the transfer unfold with glee evident across his malicious veneer.

"Lara!" Sam yelled, but her dream-self was useless to help. She couldn't hear _anything _aside from the screams. No gunfire. No fire. No Lara.

Where was she? She was meant to save her. Shove a torch into the mummy and end the nightmare.

Himiko's body was dissolving into the blue aura around her, and the spirit link between it and Sam was becoming a darker electric blue.

_She's not coming, _Sam realised. She looked around in a panic. _No. She has to be. She just has to._

Himiko continued screeching, Mathias started laughing, and no one came.

Sam woke to the sound of a harsh beeping in her left ear. She moaned and felt the table beside her bed blindly, trying to get her phone. By some miracle her fingers touched something smooth then the alarm stopped.

Sam rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling. _Well that...was new, _she thought.

She didn't want to think about what would have happened if Lara hadn't saved her in time. Would she be still in her body? Watching Himiko wreak havoc on the world while knowing there was nothing she could do to stop it. Or would she just be gone?

Sam pulled the covers over her head and squeezed her eyes shut. Gods the waking world wasn't any more comforting than the ethereal but the softness of the pillows promised her a comfort that she would lose if she got up.

_Maybe…another minute, _she thought sleepily. _Maybe I'll dream about…fairies this time... It's worth the risk. _She yawned and took a deep breath.

There was a knock on the door that brought her back up. _Go away, _she thought. "Samantha," her father's voice came softly.

Sam opened one eye and saw him sit at the edge of her bed. He was dressed in his suit and his hair was slicked back with gel. "I'll be up in a minute," she murmured, turning over in bed.

She felt a hand rub her shoulder gently. "Don't worry about it," he said quietly in Japanese. "Get some sleep and feel better. You don't need to come today."

Sam opened her eyes and propped herself up on her elbows. She furrowed her eyebrows at her father. "What do you mean I don't need to come?" she asked. "Don't I need to be there for Lara?"

Her father pressed her lips together. "Lara says you put her off," he said softly.

The news hit her like a train.

Lara couldn't stand to be in the same room as her and now she was unofficially firing her.

Sam pushed herself up against the headboard and folded her arms. Her father's face was calm- he probably thought he was breaking the news gently.

"You mean she doesn't want me there?" she said bitterly.

"She did not say that explicitly," he said with a business eloquence. "But yes it was implied."

Sam could not believe this. Her best friend was firing her. Normal people got a least a week's notice before this happened.

"This is only for today," her father said.

"I don't think so." She knew that fact in her heart. She shouldn't be surprised actually, considering how awkward things have been recently. She ran a hand over her face. "Just…just go," she said resignedly. "And don't push her too hard."

Her father got up off the bed and started out. At the doorway he turned and said, "She doesn't have any other interviews or events on today. Perhaps you could do something fun together. Whatever girls do for fun these days."

"Yeah whatever," she muttered. Her father left.

Sam sat staring at the dust particles floating in the light from the window for who knows how long. They were so carefree, so light. They didn't give a shit about gravity because they were too light to be affected by it.

She and Lara used to be like that; running the world, going on rocky hikes or down to nightclubs and feeling the rush of energy and excitement through their veins.

They would yell at the top of a mountain, daring the world for another challenge.

They would dance on the strobe-lit floor, feeling like the hottest people within half a mile.

Sam would look at Lara, a grin across her lips, and Lara would smile back.

In those moments, she thought it would last forever, that nothing could stop them.

And then came Yamatai.

That stupid, accursed, fucking son of a bitch island.

It had changed everything. And Sam would give anything for it to go back.

Sam rubbed her eyes then got out of bed. It was no use blaming the world. That was one thing that would always have its way, and it was your job to pass through it as unscathed as you could.

She grabbed her phone and noticed the time.

It was almost eight thirty.

_Time sure flies when you're feeling sad, _she thought dolefully.

She went downstairs and got herself some breakfast, except there wasn't much to eat. Sam moaned and tapped the bench with her fingers. Well with nothing good to eat there wasn't any other choice but to go out.

Sam got dressed then took one of her father's cars out to a café nearby. She ordered a light breakfast of a muffin and an espresso then retreated to an empty table to enjoy it.

She wanted to give Reyes a call, but it must have been night over in America. Instead, she called Jonah who had flown back to New Zealand.

"Hey you've reached Jonah Maiavia. Please leave a message after the beep."

_Damn,_ she would have been nice to see how he was going.

"Hey Jonah," she said. "It's Sam. I was just wondering how you've been. Give me a call whenever you're free alright?"

Sam took a bite of her muffin then tried finding the radio station Lara was doing the interview on. She realised that she should have asked her father what station it was before he left as it occurred to her that the station might not even be in Japan.

With that realisation, she gave up her searching for the station. When she finished her breakfast she went for a stroll through the nearby shops. It wasn't a very effective distraction as shopping by yourself was incredibly lonely, but it was a distraction nevertheless.

While walking past a bar, an idea occurred to her. Maybe she _should _take her father's advice.

The last time she and Lara had properly spent time together was when Lara had come to stay with her. They had so much fun and the meal Sam cooked wasn't half bad either. That was the last time she had truly been happy, and Sam wanted to bring that smile back.

But where to?

Lara wouldn't want to go out to a night club, even though she enjoyed it back then. It would be too much for her.

Maybe they could rent a movie, except finding an English translated movie was difficult. There wasn't much on T.V either unless she wanted to watch people try to fit through a wavy hole in a moving wall.

All she could think of was going out to a restaurant. Nothing fancy; maybe something casual and relaxed. She knew this great sushi place that she was sure Lara would love, and that no reporters would bother them. There were fewer following them nowadays, which was a relief for both of them.

But the trouble was whether Lara would actually want to go out. Lately, she was tired and irate. She didn't want to be around Sam, which probably meant that the last thing in the world she wanted was to spend a night with her.

The more she thought about it, the more stupid an idea is sounded.

_Isn't it worth a shot? _Her mind asked.

Sam bit her lower lip then went back to her car. She had to help somehow.

When she back to the house she pulled up next to her father's other car. She saw Wei get out of the car, which was quite peculiar, as she thought Lara and her father would have been done by now. But no one else emerged from the car.

Sam got out of the car. "Hey do you know where Lara is?" she asked Wei.

"She's in the lounge Miss Nishimura," he replied.

"Cool thanks."

"Excuse me but could you give this to her?" Wei asked.

Sam turned around and took the package of Paracetamol from his hand. "Painkillers?" she asked.

"Yes. Miss Croft asked me to obtain them from the pharmacy," he explained.

Sam turned the package over in her hands. Hadn't Lara received a prescription from the doctor that should have lasted like two weeks? She hadn't asked Lara directly about her medication but she was sure she didn't need a whole new packet of painkillers so soon. She tried her best not to jump to any conclusions as there _had _to be a reasonable explanation for this.

"Umm…I'll be sure to give it to her," she told Wei. "Thank you."

Sam pocketed the packet then went to the lounge room. Lara was lying down along one of the lounges, one arm over her eyes. Her prescription of painkillers sat on the coffee table next to her. Had she just taken some recently?

Sam went and sat on the table, next to Lara. "How are you feeling?" Sam asked her. She picked up the bottle and shook it. It sounded like there were maybe four or five pills left. The rest was just air.

Lara breathed deeply. "Wonderful," she murmured, though Sam wasn't sure if she was being sarcastic.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Can I stop you?"

"What is this?" she asked, taking the new painkillers out of her pocket. "These are brand new, and your prescription is almost gone and it's only been a week."

"Your observation skills seem to be in fine condition without my help," Lara said flatly.

"Please tell me you haven't been abusing your painkillers."

"I haven't been abusing your painkillers," she parroted, American accent and all.

"Are you serious?" Sam asked, unimpressed.

Lara moved her arm and shrugged. "You wanted me to tell you that."

"Fine, you want to play it literal?" she asked. She said each word slowly. "Have you been taking more painkillers than what the prescription says?"

Lara sat up slowly then stared at her. Sam met her stare, not flinching. "Yes," Lara finally said.

Sam dropped the bottle and ran her hands through her hair. A million thoughts ran through her head- but only one conclusion. _There _has _to be a reasonable explanation for this. _"Why?" she asked her, trying to keep her voice even.

"Why not?" Lara asked.

Sam gritted her teeth at the casualness that Lara was treating this with. "Is it because your injuries are hurting much more than you're letting on? Or because you're trying to numb the emotional pain?"

Lara smiled. "They're all very good reasons. Take your pick."

"Can you take this seriously?" Sam asked, feeling her patience slowly break. "This is dangerous. Why are you taking more painkillers then you need to?"

Lara rolled her eyes and folded her arms, but she said nothing.

"If you're having problems why don't you talk to me instead of turning to a pill?"

_That _sparked Lara's anger. She perked up and narrowed her eyes. "It used to be enough," she said, her voice low, "spending time with my best friend. But when she's become part of the problem I need alternatives."

"This is not a good alternative," Sam growled. "You're addicted to painkillers! Do you know what they can do to you?"

"You know what?" Lara stood up. "I do. But I don't _care_. I find myself caring less and less about what happens to me these days." She picked up the bottle of painkillers and for a moment Sam though she was going to down another dozen tablets. "See these?" she shoved the bottle in front of her face then closed her fingers over it. "They provide me with a relief my best friend can't even come close to."

Sam rubbed her brow and stood. She could _not _believe this was happening. "I asked you if you wanted to stop the contract five million times but for some fucking reason you always say no!"

"It's not about the contract!" Lara said, squeezing the bottle so hard it crumpled. "You don't understand do you?"

"How can I understand if you don't fucking talk to me about it?!"

Lara clamped her hands over her ears and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't _want _to talk about it!" She paced around the room.

"Exactly so stop blaming me for that!"

"Because everything's about you isn't it?" Lara growled.

"I'm not trying to make this about me. I'm trying to understand why _you _are suddenly trying to overdose on painkillers!"

"You think I'm doing this on purpose?" Lara yelled. "You think I want this?"

"You would not do this if you were in your right mind." Sam said.

"In my 'right mind'?" Lara repeated. She walked up to her and pointed at her with a sharp finger. "I am not crazy Sam. I know so much more than anyone else in this fucking world."

"I never said you were crazy," Sam defended. "But you have PTSD and I think that's why you're abusing your meds."

Lara barked a laugh. "I don't have PTSD!" she shouted. "You're the one that's crazy for thinking that!"

"You do have PTSD but you're in serious denial." Sam said, clenching her fists.

"I'm not in denial, because I have nothing to deny."

"Of course you would say that you're in denial!" Sam yelled. How could one of the smartest people she knew be so stupid?!

Lara took a step back and took her shirt off. Before Sam could even wonder what had gotten into her a shirt flew into her face.

Sam snatched the shirt away from her face and stared incredulously at Lara.

"You see this?" Lara growled, pointing to the square of gauze above her waist. "_This, _is the reason I'm taking _this._" She showed the crumpled bottle. "There is nothing else to it. Accept it Sam."

Sam blinked. Had they really just come full circle? "There is a difference between taking your meds and abusing them," Sam growled, wondering if Lara knew black from white.

Lara shrugged, a really exaggerated gesture involving throwing her arms up in the air. "It all does the same thing in the end doesn't it?!"

Sam face palmed. "No because you can die from this!" This was fucking going nowhere and she couldn't keep her frustration under anymore. "I don't understand why you can't get that through your thick head!" she yelled.

"Maybe my head's not clear enough because I'm crazy!" Lara said sarcastically. She looked at the bottle in her hand, suddenly calmer. "You know I think I need more painkillers," she murmured like it was a brilliant idea.

"No." Sam was tired of her asshole attitude. She held out her hand. "Give them to me," she demanded.

Lara looked at her incredulously. "Fuck you," she said.

"Give them to me Lara," she repeated sternly.

Lara rolled her eyes then indifferently threw them towards her. Sam caught them and watched Lara walk away, shoulders hunched, lips pulled in such an exaggerated pout.

"Do you want your shirt back?" Sam called after her.

"Fuck off!" she yelled.

Sam dropped the bottle on the floor then rubbed her face. God dammit that could have went better. Lara's back-chat attitude didn't help with negotiations and just dug her deeper into the hole.

_Ugh! What the fuck was she thinking?_

Lara's injuries must have been hurting more than she let on to abuse her meds. However there were a dozen other reasons why someone would turn to drugs. Paracetamol was way weaker than the meds the doctor had prescribed, but she assumed they were the strongest Wei could get without a prescription. That meant that Lara would need to take more to reach her desired effect and her body would just need more and more as time went on and it grew tolerant.

This was a one way trip to death, unless she changed her ways _now_.

Sam put her hands on the back of her neck and stared down at the crumpled bottle

_What am I going to do with you Lara? _she thought.

* * *

Lara sat on the stone bridge with her bare feet dipped in the water. She had put a shirt back on, but looked messier than ever.

She was staring at the river, her face weary as if she had been crying against a numb corporality. Sam saw Lara reach for the glass bottle next to her and take a large gulp of the drink. She put the bottle back down then returned to the water.

Sam sighed and rubbed her arms, feeling cold despite the warm weather. Lara must have gotten Wei to get her some beer. Having no drugs to numb the raw world, she had turned to alcohol instead which seemed to be equally effective.

Sam closed her eyes. She should have been angry at Lara, she should have marched up to her and snatched the bottle from her hand but instead she just felt…sad.

She wanted her to be happy… to not feel the pain anymore- and sadistically this was the closest they were going to get to it. It was the only thing that seemed to be working now and stopping it would leave her with no alternatives.

So why take it away?

The stranger before her downed the rest and threw the empty bottle away angrily. She rubbed her face anxiously before burying it in her hands.

Sam looked away from her to the ground. The rough concrete was less painful to look at than at her lost friend. The heaviness in her chest struggled with the emptiness of her heart and dragged her deeper into the depths of despair.

Lara was hurting so much- she was a walking wound on this earth and she was tearing herself apart from her soul.

Sam had tried. She had tried to help her with her media woes but the laughing world just haunted her mind. She had tried to take away her physical pain but now she was decimating her health with drugs. She had tried to connect with her, but Lara turned away from her every touch.

So what else could she do?

Nothing. She could do_ nothing_.

Sam sank to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. The realisation was disheartening.

Lara was blind in a field of traps and Sam was screaming out at the exit, banging on the glass for her to follow her voice.

They were spinning around. Going in circles and getting sicker with each second. Eventually one of them would collapse.

Dead.

Lara didn't hear her voice, she couldn't let go. But it was more likely she didn't want to hear or let go.

_It's true isn't it? _she thought dismally.

How do you save someone who didn't want to be saved?

She leaned her head back against the frame and sighed mutely.

With the destruction Lara was doing to herself and to those around her it was a wonder why Sam didn't lock her away in a padded cell.

That was the safest option wasn't it? For everyone.

Sam looked back to Lara who was smiling coyly at the mellow koi- a drop of truth in a whitewashed reality.

_She's your friend, _something inside her answered. _And you owe her._

_If she's really your best friend then you wouldn't give up on her so easily, _Reyes had said.

Lara didn't give up on Sam, even though it would have been easier to leave her behind. Sam had promised Lara she would always be there for her, and she couldn't break that promise.

Sam stared at Lara and thought dismally, _What am I going to do?_

* * *

Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Sam took it out and looked at the screen.

_New email, _she read.

She opened the email and was surprised when she found it was from Emily Weiss- Alex's mother.

Sam stopped walking and read over the email. It was an invitation to attend Alex's funeral next week.

Sam ran her thumb over the side of her phone. The thought of attending Alex's funeral was depressing, as it made her remember Grimm and Roth as well and how she would never see them anymore. Three sparks, extinguished.

It would be nice though, to say her final goodbyes and let everyone know what a hero Alex was. He deserved that much.

Sam needed to tell her father about her intentions to fly to America. But before that, she needed to know if Lara wanted to come with her. No doubt she had also received an email, but Sam had no idea whether Lara had read it yet or if she would tell her about it.

She saw Lara walk into the lounge again. She seemed sober enough, though Sam didn't know how much she drank. She put her phone back and followed her.

Lara was sitting at the same seat she was in before reading her journal. "Hey," Sam said, taking a seat opposite her.

Lara raised her eyebrow over the edge of the book.

The stare was discomforting. "Okay umm," she rubbed the back of her head, "Alex's funeral is next week and I'm flying to America in a few days. Would you like to come?"

Lara lowered her journal, silent, and started playing with her jade pendant. "Alex…" she murmured, a smile ghosting her lips. "He liked me you know."

"Yeah," Sam said. She remembered once where Alex had approached her and asked what would impress Lara. Sam had told him that he didn't have a chance as she knew Lara didn't believe in the conspiracies Alex was so vehement about. Plus, he was a nerd.

But thinking about it now, she should have given him some advice. Who knows what could have come from it?

"I wouldn't miss his funeral." Lara said, folding her arms tight and looking down. "I'll come."

"Okay... Great," Sam said. "I'll sort out the tickets."

Lara didn't respond. She was staring into space, rubbing her pendant with her thumb.

Sam reached into her pocket and took out the new packet of painkillers that she had brought. It wasn't Paracetamol, it was stronger than that. And hopefully it was going to help Lara with her pain.

She threw it on the table. "Here," she said, "Non- addictive painkillers."

Lara snapped out of her stupor and looked at them, then back at Sam. "How good can they be if they're non-addictive?" she asked curtly.

Sam ignored the hostility. "Look, I've been doing some research and I found that these are the strongest non-narcotic painkillers out there. Granted they are weaker than the ones you're using now but they will get you through."

Lara stared coldly at her. "You've thought this out haven't you?"

"I've done my research," Sam admitted.

After the fight with Lara she had looked up PTSD. She didn't know much about the illness, she realised, and what she knew clearly wasn't cutting it. From what she had read-stories and information online- something as sensitive as PTSD could vary greatly so there wasn't an instruction manual anywhere. But she _hoped _she was better equipped.

"Look I…" she winced. "I don't know why you're doing what you're doing, and you've made it clear you don't want to tell me. But I really hope this will detract you from going down the wrong path."

Lara snorted. "Wow you're so proud of this aren't you?"

Sam furrowed her brow. She would have thought supporting Lara through her painkiller addiction would alleviate her mood a little. "Not really," she told her "I had to bribe a doctor for this as you need a prescription. But I think it's worth it." She stood up to go.

"I should probably ask my doctor if it's all right to change to these crappy meds," she heard Lara say. Sam turned around and found Lara smiling self-righteously. Was she really riling her up deliberately?

"Do you plan to also tell him how you've been abusing the meds he gave you?" she snapped.

"Better than taking drugs he didn't prescribe."

Sam rolled her eyes. "Your logic amazes me."

Lara stood up. "I hope you kept the receipt," she said. She started off.

"You don't need to take them." Sam said, turning to follow her. "So long as you stop abusing your prescription and drinking."

"I'll get right on that mum," she said derisively.

Sam rubbed her brow. Lara's intention to just rebel against all that was right in the world without a logical reason was getting on her nerves again. "Can take this seriously?" Sam asked. "I don't understand why you think it's a joke."

Lara stopped and turned around. Instead of being angry like Sam thought she would have, she was inquisitive. "Did you ever think that my attitude is because of yours as much as yours is a reaction to it?" she asked.

Sam blinked, trying to decipher her words. "What?"

Lara rolled her eyes. "Do you think that you patronizing me just makes me act like a rebel even more, which then makes you even more frustrated and we all go around in a circle?"

"I'm not patronizing you," Sam said.

"_Yes _you are," Lara growled softly. "You're either treating me like a kid who needs to be protected or like a mental patient."

Sam ran a hand through her hair, and thought back to all the things she had said to Lara in the past week, especially the ones that Lara had reacted badly to. 'Can't stop thinking about what could have been...', 'Come back here...' Okay, _maybe _some of the things that she had said in her frustration and otherwise could have been taken as patronizing but she honestly thought she was trying to reassure Lara.

"Okay… sorry about that," she said, "I never meant to do that." But Sam wasn't all responsible for what has happened. The fire within her compelled her to add, "But you are not entirely at fault here. For some reason you don't seem to want to confront your problems."

Lara narrowed her eyes. "You don't know my problems so you have no right to judge."

"I'm not judging," Sam defended. "I'm stating a fact."

Lara snorted. "Because after doing some _research _you think you know everything. Well why don't you fix everything then?"

"I'm not trying to fix everything; I'm trying to help you!" Sam yelled.

Lara clapped her hands together. "Oh so how's that going for you?" Before Sam could retort Lara continued, "You're failing that's how you're going. You think this is a real achievement but all your achieving is another failure to add to your long list."

Sam didn't understand why Lara was attacking her. "This is unnecessary," she said.

"What is necessary then?" She walked over to the table and picked up the painkillers. "Shitty tablets that are meant to fix _everything_?"

Sam gritted her teeth. She couldn't stand by and have her efforts to help insulted anymore_._ "Look if you don't want to take them then suit yourself," she said, angrily. "I'm not going to force you. But for the sake of your own health stop abusing your meds!"

"It's my health so I'll do whatever I want!" Lara yelled. "How is that your problem?!"

"Because you're my friend, and I want what's best for you!" Sam shouted, feeling her frustration boil over again.

"How do _you _know what's best for me, my _friend?_" she twisted the last word to become a curse.

Sam clenched her teeth. "Not this," she said. "This can kill you."

Lara threw her hands up. "Here we go again," she moaned.

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Here we go again until you understand the fucking danger your putting yourself in!"

"You don't need to keep telling me, _I know_." Lara growled.

"No, I don't think you do else you would be stopping this shit!" she snapped.

Lara glared at her with a sliver of her eyes and Sam rubbed her brow. "I'm sorry," she said in a softer tone. She had promised herself she wouldn't lose her temper before but that promise was broken. "I don't want to fight with you Lara," she admitted. "All I want to do is help."

Lara stepped close to her until Sam could see the anger burning beneath her gaze. "Then help me," she said, her voice deadly low. "And leave me alone." She held her eyes for a moment longer then walked away.

Sam managed to keep her heart from breaking until Lara left the room. She held her breath, falling to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees. She rubbed her face slowly, squeezing her eyes shut, until tears started streaking down her cheeks.

Her silent sobbing eventually shook her shoulders as waves of despair flooded through her body. Sam pressed her head on her knees and tried to stop the tears but it just made her burst out with a larger sob.

She couldn't _think _of anything, the anguish just pumped through her bloodstream, inundating every thought with desolation.

She didn't understand.

She didn't understand why.

She didn't understand why _everything_ she did seemed to be wrong.

Sam squeezed her eyes and hugged herself tight.

She didn't understand why she still tried.

Sam wiped her nose with her sleeve then took a shaky breath. She rested her chin on her knees and stared at the nothingness in front of her.

She was an idiot for believing she could help her friend. She was even more of an idiot for trying.

Not knowing how to help your friend was bad enough, but knowing that she didn't want you was even worse.

Gods all she had tried to do was help! Why was that such a crime?

Sam rubbed her eyes then pressed her head against her knees again.

If Lara didn't want her help…then that was fine. If she wanted space…all she had to do was ask.

_But why didn't she?_

She thought about all the pent up frustration and anger over the past few days- how she could never have seen it coming. Sam felt her lip quiver again and the sadness pull down at her eyes. She rubbed her face angrily then shook her head.

_I'll leave her alone,_ she thought. _I'll leave her the fuck alone._


	15. Chapter 14

I'm not quite sure how Western funerals work as I've never had any personal experience, so please excuse any errors.

* * *

"Thanks mate," Jonah said. He handed Ed a fifty, which was five dollars over the due amount. "Keep the change."

Ed grinned. "Cheers," he said. "Hey, I can wait around if you want; save you calling for another cab."

Jonah smirked and got out of the cab. He knew that Ed was just hoping for more generous tips but the former Aussie boy had lightened the mood immensely. "If you want," he said through the window, "It might be a while though."

"No worries. I'll just get a coffee from the shop nearby."

Jonah stepped back and watched Ed drive off.

He looked towards the white chapel and felt the sobriety return.

Taking a breath, he walked towards it.

A group of solemn people, dressed in suits of black, congregated outside the main doors. Jonah did not recognise any of them, yet he knew they must have been friends of Alex or close friends of his family.

He looked around. The place was beautiful and elegant. A rotunda sat in the middle of a small lake nearby, with ducks and lily pads floating in the water. Pastel tulips, carnations and other flowers and neatly trimmed hedges lined the paths in neat patterns. The white stone church was at the highest point of the slope, and overlooked a field of standing gravestones. The whole place would have been an strange contrast to it's function, if not for the sheer tranquillity the natural features emitted.

Jonah spotted Sam dressed in a modest sable dress amongst the crowd. She was leaning against a column, her arms folded and staring off into space. Jonah walked up to her. "Sam," he greeted, smiling.

Sam jarred out of her stupor and looked at Jonah. "Jonah," she said softly, a smile upon her lips. She wrapped her arms around him and held him in a warm embrace. Jonah hugged Sam back then pulled back after a moment.

"How are you?" he asked.

Sam shrugged slightly. "How good can someone be when they're at a funeral?" she asked. "How are you?"

"I've seen better days," he replied.

"You never returned my call," Sam said.

Jonah raised an eyebrow and took out his phone, browsing through his call history. "I never received a call from you." Then he remembered. "Oh, I changed my number last week," he said. "Damn press was overloading my inbox. I guess I forgot to tell you. Sorry."

Sam sighed, and closed her eyes for a second. Her quietness was uncharacteristic, even at something as serious as a funeral. "It's okay," she said, opening her eyes again. She took out her phone. "What's your new number?"

Jonah told her his new number then moved to stand next to her. He folded his arms and leaned against the column. "Where's Lara?" he asked. "Didn't she come with you?"

Sam leaned against the column. "Lara's telling Alex's family how he died," she said, "You know, because she's the only one who knew how it happened…"

"Hmm…"

When Lara came back to their campfire with only tools slung on her back and a dark eyes, Jonah had felt a sense of dread settle in the pit of his stomach. _How many people must Himiko take? _He had thought.

While they were munching on the fish Jonah had cooked, Lara had told them the events around Alex's death. The details were brief, almost fleeting; though he knew that Lara must have been sparing them from the more distressing facts.

"That must be terrible to relive," he said.

"I just hope she's not too blunt," Sam sighed. She looked up. "Reyes."

Jonah turned to see Reyes walk up to them. "Josilin," he shook her hand. "It's good to see you again."

Reyes smiled sombrely. "It's good to see you two are well." She paused and looked around. "How are things?"

"People are avoiding us," Sam said frankly.

Jonah looked around. He didn't notice before but people _were _stealing glances at them when they weren't looking. "Well we don't know them," Jonah pointed out.

Sam snorted softly. "It's more than that. It's because we're the only ones who've experienced the horrors of Yamatai. Our relationship with Alex didn't have a happy end. They don't want their memories of him tarnished by what we know."

Jonah looked at Reyes. She didn't seem as surprised about Sam's sudden, depressing analysis, though she didn't look like she was going to say anything either.

"Are you okay Sam?" Jonah asked.

Sam looked up at him. "Yeah," she said, offering him a small smile. "I'm just…sad that they're gone."

Jonah put a hand on her shoulder. "They'll always be watching us," he said. "And if you don't feel them then they'll always live on in our memories."

"Are things still tense between you and Lara?" Reyes asked.

Jonah looked at Sam. Her friendship with Lara had been shaky on the ship and if it had went downhill then it would explain Sam's dejectedness.

"Yeah," Sam said softly, "But ironically I've sorted things out."

A lady in a grey and white uniform pushed open the wooden doors and started ushering people in. Their small group joined the silent crowd and found a seat near the middle row of pews. Jonah spotted Lara on the opposite side of pews, silent. It didn't seem like she was going to join them.

Jonah glanced at Sam who sat next to him.

He would talk to her later, and see what was up. If Sam was forced into a numb sadness, then the rift between her and Lara must have been great.

Up front, there was a T.V mounted on the wall, playing a montage of Alex. There was a picture of him as a child, in his blue and white school uniform; then a picture of him with his brother trying to play football; and then a picture of Alex with a party hat at a Thanksgiving dinner.

A white vase, containing ashes stood on a pedestal next to the podium. Alex had went down with the _Endurance_, at the epicentre of an explosion. If his body was recovered, it would have been too ravaged to embalm, and a charred body wouldn't be the last image you have of your son.

When everyone was settled, a pastor walked to the front and the crowd fell into a silence.

"'I am the resurrection and the life,' saith the Lord;" the pastor said in a sonorous voice, "'he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live…"

Alex wasn't Christian, Jonah knew, but his family was. The pastor finished reading from the scripture then started reading from the bible; talking about comfort and how Alex was in a better place.

Jonah listened respectfully however he did not believe that Alex was in heaven or hell, rather watching over them, helping them through the troubles in life. He had felt the same on Yamatai and when he was in the army; how his older brother always had his back, alerting him to danger around him.

It was a comforting thought, knowing that the spirit of Alex, Grimm and Roth were still with him, rather than in some place that was unreachable.

The pastor continued. "And now Connor, Alex's brother would like to say a few words."

He moved aside and Connor walked up to the podium. His hair was much darker than his brother's, and he looked a lot cleaner but he could definitely see Alex in him. Alex had told Jonah a little bit about him; an extrovert who liked sports, played the drums and worked as a psychiatrist. Alex didn't envy much about his big brother but didn't have a great relationship with him either.

Connor cleared his throat and stood straight. "Alex was my brother, as you all know," he began. "I have to admit that for a while, I held the thought that he wouldn't be my first choice for a brother." He smiled fondly. "He was a nerd- while his nose was buried in book mine was in mud on the football field from taking a dive. And when he was trying to write a code for his program or what not I was out playing with my band. I often teased him about all that, like brothers usually do. However I did envy- even admired- one thing about my brother; how he never tried to conform- be anyone else." He took a breath. "Alex was always Alex."

On the surface, we didn't have much in common, but I realise now that I couldn't have asked for a better brother." He brushed away a tear, and when he spoke again, his voice was shaky. "And you truly don't realise what you have until you lose it."

Everyone clapped politely, and Alex's mum sobbed quietly at the front. Connor put his arm around her.

Jonah felt his own heart grow heavy. Unlike Connor and Alex, he and his brother had got along well and the thought of not having that important connection with him was terrible. He felt for Connor, and hoped that maybe this would strengthen his connection with his family.

The pastor moved back to the podium. "And now Lara Croft would like to say a few words."

Jonah could sense the atmosphere of the room hum as Lara walked to the podium. This was Lara Croft- the woman from the papers and T.V and one of the survivors of Yamatai. Their curiosity was piqued, and none were going to turn away now.

Lara took out a crumpled piece of paper from her dress pants. She unfurled it on the podium then cleared her throat, looking at the crowd before her. Jonah wasn't sure she saw him, but he gave her a reassuring smile anyways. "Hi there," she said, "I'm Lara Croft and I would like to say a few words about my friend and colleague, Alex Weiss."

When you look at Alex, I'm sure the word 'hero' doesn't come to mind. But that's what he was, and that's how I'll always remember him."

I'm sure most of you have heard of the discovery of Yamatai. But what you don't know is that Alex died a hero on that island."

Lara took a deep breath. "Alex gave his life to save me, and to give everyone else a chance to survive. He was brave. He was smart. And a great man in his own way. He was my friend…" she gestured around the room. "All our friends. And I'm proud to have known him."

Everyone clapped and the pastor moved back to the podium. There was something odd about Lara's speech, Jonah noticed.

Lara was a strong woman, though there was a difference between strong and stoic. She wasn't cold, but it seemed like she needed to say the words as politely as she could and then get out as fast as she could.

It was something he has seen before, and it made him wonder what else Lara was trying to avoid.

The pastor said his final speech then dismissed the crowd. Everyone stood up to leave, and to give their condolences to the Weiss family. Jonah moved past Reyes and walked to the front of the church, trying to find Lara. From what he saw, she seemed like she was just holding herself together. On the ship she had been keeping secrets from them and now her stoic demeanour were nothing he hadn't seen in trauma soldiers before.

He looked around, but she had already stolen away.

Jonah went back outside and bumped into Reyes. "Hey," Jonah said. "What did you think of it?"

Reyes folded her arms. "A warm farewell, I think." she answered. "Especially what Lara said. It's a good way to remember him by."

"Sam was right though; about how our relationship with him was different."

Reyes nodded. "It was for Alex's family at the end of the day, the way they remember him. But we're still lucky to have known him."

Jonah thought of the time he had spent with Alex on the ship- how they played pranks on each other, how Alex was always so eager to 'help' when Jonah was cooking and how the all the guys would play poker together with a cold beer. That journey had been fun in spite of the outcome. And Jonah felt like they should celebrate that.

"We should go out tonight," Jonah said. "To a pub maybe, in the memory of those who were lost. We'll farewell them in our own way."

Reyes smiled. "I think that's a great idea."

"Do you know where Sam is?" he asked. "I'll go tell her."

Reyes pointed behind him. Jonah saw Sam leaning over a fence, resting her chin on her crossed arms. "She's over there," Reyes said. "And I think she could use someone to talk to."

"I'll do that." He turned to Reyes. "If you know any good pubs around here call me. I'll see you soon."

"Bye Jonah."

Jonah strode over to where Sam was standing. She was gazing at something off in the distance. When Jonah followed her gaze he found that it was Lara who was walking slowly along the walkway on the water.

"Sam…" Jonah said. She didn't move. "How are you?"

Sam sighed. "We lost so many people on that island," she said quietly. "I wish there was a way to change that."

Jonah leaned next to her. "There isn't though," he said. "I know it's hard, but people die all the time, whether through a freak accident or naturally-"

"How they died wasn't natural." Sam interrupted.

"- but there's a time for mourning, and there's a time to move on. We can't change the past, so we focus on the future instead."

Sam shook her head but she was smiling. "You should start writing fortunes for fortune cookies," she said, "You could make some serious coin."

Jonah laughed softly. "So how are things between you and Lara?"

Sam's smile disappeared. As much as he hated to see it go, he really thought that talking about the problem would help her. Sam pressed her nose against her arms. "Lara doesn't want me around," she said quietly. "I don't know why…but at least I've stopped bothering her."

"There has to be more to it."

Sam pressed her lips together. "She has PTSD but she's in denial. I tried helping her but I must have ended up offending her." She shrugged. "That's pretty much it."

Jonah really felt for Sam, as he had been in Lara's shoes before but had only realised what a bastard he had been after he stepped out of them. He put his hand on Sam's shoulder and said softly, "Relationships after trauma are almost always fractured. They push people away, while in reality it's who they need the most."

"Who Lara needs is a shrink," she retorted. She shook her head then continued in a softer tone. "Sorry..." she said sadly, "I'll be here for her, I suppose, but unless she asks for me explicitly I won't bother her except if it's necessary…like for our plane tickets."

Jonah folded his arms and looked at Sam. "You sound…" Jonah clucked his tongue, searching for the right word. "Afraid… of her."

Sam closed her eyes. "I just…don't …want to fight with her anymore. If I talk with long sentences, it's just going to leave more room for misinterpretation. And the last thing I want to do is to make things worse."

Lara had PTSD, so he could understand how her abrasive attitude would drive Sam away. However in spite of that Jonah knew Sam wasn't telling him the full story, rather she was trying to protect Lara's good name.

Her loyalty was admirable, but there was only so much someone could take before snapping. And when something as strong as that crumbled, it would be difficult to rebuild.

He looked at Lara off in the distance, staring down into the water like she would find the answers to all her problems there.

"I don't know am I being selfish?" Sam asked, turning to him. "It's only been a week since she's been acting like this."

That question surprised Jonah. Even though Sam could come off as conceited sometimes this was not one. "No," Jonah said. "You're just trying to help. And it's evident that you care a lot about her. But do you remember what I said on the ship about putting too much pressure on both of you?"

He remembered the way he had seen Sam looking at Lara on the ship, like maybe she wanted Lara to be more than her friend. The thing was, he didn't think Sam was aware of her feelings, nor did Lara.

Sam nodded and looked back to Lara. "Do you think I've been putting too much pressure on Lara?"

"Maybe." Jonah shifted onto his good leg. "You want her to get better, I get that, but maybe your methods aren't working."

Sam shrugged and sighed again. "Then I don't know what to do."

"I'll go talk to her." He said. He knew what Lara was going through. He had gone through a similar ordeal after his left knee was injured and he got honourably discharged from the army. He had felt like a failure then; physically weak and he had convinced himself that he could have avoided it if only he had been better. Only his family had stopped him from spiralling down and found him his new career as a chef.

Jonah remembered his Sergeant when he served in the army, and how shortly after Jonah was discharged PTSD had hit him hard. He had recovered, eventually, and found a career outside the army in which he was content in. Maybe Jonah could give him a call and see if he could talk to Lara as he experienced something closer to what Lara did.

Sam straightened. "You're not going to tell her about what we've said are you?" she asked, brows tugged down in worry, "I think it's just going to make her mad."

Jonah smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry." He started towards the lake then turned back when he remembered what he came over to talk to Sam about. "I almost forgot," he said, "Reyes and I are heading out to a pub tonight. Do you want to come?"

Sam smiled, and a bit of her old self flickered to the surface. "Yeah I'm in," she said." I could really use a night out. Besides, how can I say no to free drinks?"

Jonah raised an eyebrow and smiled. "We'll sort out the bill when you're happily wasted."

* * *

Lara heard footsteps on the wooden boards, and from their weight and the slightly heavier thump of every second step, she knew it was Jonah.

"No hug from my little bird?" Jonah asked.

Lara smiled, amused, and then turned to embrace Jonah. "Sorry about that," she said. She felt bad that she hadn't said 'hello' to Jonah or Reyes before or after the funeral. She pulled back then leaned against the fence, looking down at the dragonflies hoping from lily pad to lily pad.

"I never knew you were speaking today," Jonah said, leaning next to her.

"Neither did I," she said, "But Emily asked me to make a speech, because… I don't know. I guess because I was the last person to see Alex alive."

"It makes sense," he said, and then looked at the lake in silence with her.

Lara stared down into the placid water.

Alex had faded into the seas of the Dragon's Triangle, she remembered, if the explosion didn't destroy him first. Grimm had loved the high seas and Roth had had to traverse many rapids in his adventures. Whitman hadn't really liked water, as it ruined his perfectly styled hair.

Water was so precious to our life. And each drop held the utmost significance to those standard in the desert.

So she wondered, what was a drop of champagne to a glass of water?

'_So many people would still be alive if you just let her go…'_

Lara found that the mysterious woman was in place of her reflection. She smirked, and Lara stumbled back, startled.

"What's wrong?" Jonah said, alarmed.

Lara took a cautious step forward and looked back into the water again. Her reflection stared back at her, shock and all.

"Umm…a fish frightened me," she lied.

Jonah didn't look like he believed her, though she was lying. "How have you been?" he asked, "Have you recovered well?"

"Yeah…" Lara said, refocusing on Jonah. "My hip wound is recovering well and my scars are healing."

"And..?" He pointed to her hand. "I don't remember that."

Lara rubbed her bandaged fingers. "Uhh...I uhh accidently hit a wall." She wasn't too sure actually. That woman was way too hard and hadn't had any visible injuries so she couldn't have hit a human... but what else could she have hit?

"Must have been some punch," Jonah noted.

"How have you been?" Lara asked.

"I spent some time with my family in New Zealand," he said. "It was nice. Especially since I never thought I'd see them again."

The Weiss family would never see Alex again. Lara would never see Roth or Grimm again and many other people would never see their sons, husbands or brothers again. They were gone, but it never had to be that way.

_It's her fault and you know it. _

"Lara?" Jonah asked. "You seem vacant."

Lara snapped out of her thoughts. "I'm…I'm okay," she said, rubbing her face. "Just still a bit jet lagged."

"Are the meds working?" he asked. "No unwanted side effects?"

Lara frowned at Jonah. This was all too familiar. "Did Sam send you over here?" she asked, her tone hardening.

"No," he said calmly. _Ever the poker face, _Lara thought. "But she _is_ worried about you."

Lara clenched the railing between her hands. "She should be more worried about minding her own business."

"What did she do to you?" Jonah asked, surprise colouring his voice.

_Everything, _she thought. _And nothing. _"She stole," Lara said, "_I _stole. From myself, from the Weiss family from a thousand other people in the world." She kicked the railing lightly. "And there is no way I can return them."

"It's not your fault." Jonah said. "You had no choice."

"There is _always_ a choice," Lara growled.

"And you chose the best one for your situation."

"Did I? The world doesn't think so."

Jonah snorted. "Why listen to them? They didn't go through what you went through."

"No…" she agreed. "But there was so much more I could have done to save them…_All_ of them. There always is." She rubbed her jaw. "But I didn't do it. And now they're gone."

"You couldn't have done anything to save them." Lara was about to protest when Jonah held up his hand. _"If _the spirits wished things to turn out better, it would have happened."

Now a few weeks ago, if Jonah had said that to her, she would have just nodded respectfully. But after all that happened she was wondering what she did to piss the spirits off that so many people had to die.

"I wish it was as easy as just accepting that fact," she said, sighing.

"Your heart won't let you off that easy I know. But if you take the first few steps to move on, it'll get easier."

Lara ran a hand through her hair. "I'll…try," she said. She wasn't sure how she'll handle things when alone. It was so easy to slip, yet she was trying her hardest to find the handholds.

Jonah looked at his phone. Then he straightened and said to her, "I'll give you a call later. We'll talk some more."

"All right."

"And go easy on Sam alright? Her heart's in the right place even if the strength of it might come off as overbearing."

Lara clenched her jaw. Why was it that the whole world revolved around Sam?

"Oh and we're all going out to a pub tonight ," Jonah added. "In the memory of those who died on Yamatai. You're invited if you want to come."

Jonah walked away and Lara leaned back against the railing, watching the ducks preen themselves.

She guessed it would be nice to go out, have a drink and just relax- it was something that she never really had time to do recently. Although all the interviews kept her busy, it all slowly sapped her energy and coffee and painkillers could only do so much. She had to do it though; it kept her distracted and in control of _something._

In the reflection of the water Lara saw another man approaching her- this time Connor, Alex's brother.

"Lara," he said, "I wanted to thank you for telling us how Alex died."

Lara shrugged slightly. "It was your right to know," she said quietly.

Connor snickered and shook his head. "You know Alex would say the same thing about hacking into government websites," he said. "That the government was always hiding something important which we had a right to know. He hacked into a minor level government body once, something to do with taxes and found that the head honcho uhh…" he tapped his temple and clucked his tongue. "Ahh I forget his name," he said. "But Alex found that he was been secretly stealing taxpayer money and funnelling it into some guy's account- through a different alias of course- but who was known for having a meth lab in his basement." He snorted softly. "He must have a knack for sensing dodgy people as I have no idea how he linked the two. But he told the police anonymously then skipped town before the meth addicts came off their high."

Lara laughed softly. "Yeah Alex told me that one," she said.

Lara remembered how he would brag about his achievements to her- hacking into multiple sites, spamming the Wikipedia homepage with the word 'LOL', and showing the latest software. Lara had respected Alex's computer skills yet she wasn't too impressed with his methods and sometimes, motivation.

She didn't realise until now that Alex had been trying to impress her, even when Sam had pointed it out. She had just dismissed it as a chance for Alex to flex his muscles, since he often worked from the shadows where no one could see him.

"When he first came to the _Endurance _he had developed this software," Lara told Connor, smiling at the memory. "A program that could turn the odds in an online poker game in our favour. It was a 'faceless crime' he said, and that these poker sites steal plenty of money from innocent people every day. He said there was a ninety-nine point nine percent chance of staying undetected. And then ten minutes later he threw his laptop into the ocean before the point one percent got us arrested."

Connor laughed. "That's my brother." Lara smiled along with him. "I wished things could have been different between us," he said, the happiness dying down. "It's one thing I can't take back."

"Yeah…" Lara agreed solemnly. There were many actions she couldn't take back, and many lives that were forever gone because of them. All to save her best friend from a horrible death.

Lara leaned heavier against the fence and rubbed her temples. Going round and round the same question had been giving her a headache lately.

"Are you okay?" Connor asked.

Lara took a deep breath and pushed herself back up. "Yeah. Just a headache."

"Hmm…" Connor reached into his pocket and brought out a crumpled paper bag. "Here, this will help."

Lara looked at the scrunched bag skeptically. She took it and opened it. "Help with what exactly?" she asked.

"Your pain."

Inside was a small syringe with the needle capped, but it was clear that it wasn't untouched. Inside was less than 2 mLs of a clear liquid. _Water? No…_"Drugs." She realised. She looked up at Connor, and held the syringe out to him. "I don't do drugs," she said.

Connor put his hands up and made no attempt to take it back. "It's just morphine so you don't need to worry about any bad side effects."

"There are many side effects of morphine and I _don't_ need it_._" Lara said.

"Sometimes it hurts so bad that you feel like nothing can stop the pain." Connor said quietly, as if he knew how she felt. He looked down then met her eyes."I know the pain, and this is how I get through it. It's the best way."

Lara looked down at the morphine and remembered the agonising pain from her injuries, and how the morphine streaming slowly into her blood was the remedy for that. It had soaked up every scent and sensor, to leave nothing but pleasure.

She could feel it now, breaking through the plastic and soaking into her skin. The painkillers she had now were not good enough to deal with the pain. Even if only once that the rawness could close up, why not do it?

But it was illegal, and Sam would never let her hear the end of it if she did it.

"I don't want it," she said, holding it back out to Connor. "You're wasting your money."

Connor didn't move, but smiled warmly at Lara. "Keep it. I don't help people every day."

"Then why are you?" she asked. They barely knew each other and she could easily go to the police with this.

Connor put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Maybe it's because of your good looks," he said, "Or maybe it's because I'm trying to help the person who meant something to my baby brother."

He pressed his lips together and looked into the water. "I was never supportive of Alex, because of his crazy conspiracy theories," he admitted. "Hell I even ridiculed him for it and once I threatened to go to the police when he tried hacking into the defence force." He took a shaky breath. "I don't think I… ever told him that I loved him."

He rubbed his eyes. "It's too late to help him now, but you're still here. At least I can make it up to him some way." He handed her a business card. "If you feel like you need anymore relief, here's my number. And I really hope things work out for you. You deserve it after what you had to see." He looked at her and smiled grimly. "Good luck Lara," he said, and walked away.

Lara looked down at the morphine again and clenched her jaw. This was a twisted way to attain redemption, but did she really look so pathetic to invoke such low pity?

Lara clenched the bag tight in her hands. She should throw it away, drop it in the water here and then walk away without looking back. It was bad for her, illegal; if the police found her with this she would be in trouble. If Sam found her with it the lecture she would give her would go on for infinity and beyond.

Lara stared at the water then put the morphine deep in her pocket. She would throw it away, but not here. It was too dangerous; what if someone picked it up and used it? And she didn't want to pollute the clean waters.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she looked at the text.

It was from Sam.

**Taxi's here. Coming?**

Lara put her phone back in her pocket then made her way out of the complex. Sam was leaning against a taxi, talking to the driver. She glanced at Lara when she approached and then got in the car without a word.

Lara got in the cab. She looked out the window to see the sunny streets of California rush by. She saw a man walking his dog, a woman jogging and a couple strolling hand in hand.

The sight evoked some despairing feelings within her. She had never been too focused on dating but ever since she read that entry from Alex, she couldn't help but…what? Feel sorry for him? Feel guilty for never trying? Want to actually try?

She looked at Sam who was doing something on her phone and thought about asking her as she knew more about this stuff than she did. But she didn't seem like in a talking mood, so Lara looked back out the window.

The taxi pulled up to their hotel. Sam paid the driver with her credit card then led the way up to her father's penthouse. It was one of the benefits of having a very rich father.

Lara was surprised that the press wasn't camping in the lobby, waiting for them- not that she was complaining. But maybe Yamatai was dying down after a week of intense interviews, or that they actually respected her call for a little privacy. Either way, there were no cameras in her face and she was relatively happy.

Lara walked straight to the couch and kicked her shoes off. She lay down and put her hands behind her head, closing her eyes.

The jet lag still hadn't worn off, even though they had come here early. Her muscles ached, though at least she had stopped feeling nauseous all the time. All she wanted to do now was to sleep, maybe for a day or two.

There were footsteps in the real world and Lara opened her eyes. Sam walked past her and outside to the balcony.

Lara clenched her jaw and closed her eyes.

She heard a soft voice, echoing in her mind. _You saved me... I knew you would._

Lara opened her eyes.

It was Sam.

_Again. _

Why was she everywhere?

Lara rubbed her face. Why couldn't she just leave her alone?

A few hours undisturbed sleep, was that too much to ask?

Lara rubbed her bandaged hand and closed her eyes again. She couldn't look at Sam and see the same person anymore.

All she could see was a friend- a sacrifice.

All she could feel was anger, pity, guilt, protectiveness.

It was a frustrating dichotomy.

On the first night, because there was only one double bed, she and Sam had decided to share it though Sam lay as close to the edge of possible. Sam had volunteered to sleep on the couch before but they had slept in the same bed before and a couch wasn't very good for posture.

Lara didn't know at what time, or what had gotten into her, but she moved closer to Sam during the night. In her hand was a blade of air, and Lara had placed it against Sam's throat. She had her back to her. And Lara just thought about how easy would it be to finish the sacrifice...do what needed to be done….and maybe then, they would come back. Maybe no one else would need to get hurt.

Sam had rolled over then, eyelids fluttering , nuzzling the pillow. She was so innocent, vulnerable- her best friend. And in her heart the protectiveness that she had felt on the island it evoked within her the protectiveness that she had experienced knowing she was in danger.

Lara opened her hand, dissipating the ethereal blade and then touched Sam's cheek gently with the back of her fingertips.

Sam nuzzled the pillow again and Lara withdrew her hand and got off the bed. She couldn't stay so close to Sam. There was no way she would get any sleep with the source of her troubles so close. She had retreated to the couch and that was where she would stay for the rest of the trip.

_It's her fault and you know it… _the voice echoed.

They would have been alive. They would have, if she died.

_Why couldn't you let her go? _

Sam; her best friend. An innocent caught in the crossfire.

_She's there for me._

She couldn't let her die...let Himiko take one more life.

_What's one life compared to that of hundreds? _

Lara pushed herself up and pulled her knees to her chest. She wished she would stop thinking. Some painkillers would do the trick, though the ones Sam brought didn't have the same effect as the ones the doctors prescribed.

'Her heart's in the right place…' Jonah had said.

Lara understood that- she had made a few mistakes trying to help others but for _some _reason, she couldn't sympathise with Sam on this. Or even tell her that she took the painkillers after she left the room.

Still, _any_ painkillers would be better than none right? And without the ecstasy of narcotics her senses were once again acute and she was aware of what the addictive painkillers had did to her health, a fact that was previously redundant. But with that she was also aware of how _bright _and _sharp_the world was, like the edge of a razor.

It was always sharpening against a whetstone, scratching her mind and sparking off agony.

Scratch, scratch. Scratch scratch.

_Why don't you scratch the itch? _

Lara gritted her teeth and squeezed her bandaged fingers until the pain stole all her focus. She sighed in relief as she let go and the pain faded, taking her troubles with her.

Lara looked up at Sam. She was leaning against the railing outside, looking down.

She wondered how she was handling the whole funeral, as she hadn't said much about it. To be fair, Lara hadn't asked her but conversely she didn't want to have a headache again.

Lara sighed and got up. There was _something _in her that couldn't let it go.

She walked to Sam with soft steps. Sam didn't move, but as she got closer, Lara saw that she was looking at her camcorder.

"Hey," Lara said softly. Sam turned her head towards her slightly. "Are you okay?" she asked.

Sam closed the camcorder and bowed her head. "I'm fine thank you," she said quietly. "Don't worry."

Lara moved next to her. Sam tucked her hair behind her ear and focused on looking at the city below. What was usually a smile was now a barely disguised despondency. "I worry," Lara said.

Sam looked at her but instantly looked away. "You shouldn't," she said. With that, she walked back into the penthouse.

Lara turned around and watched her go. Great, now Sam was ignoring her.

The thought infuriated her and Lara punched the railing.

Sam… the one person whom Lara had given up so much to save was drifting away. Why? Was it because she thought she was crazy? Why didn't she believe her that she wasn't?

Lara rubbed her face and walked back to the couch. She was too tired for this anger. She lay down and closed her eyes, hoping that maybe she could get a few hours' sleep.

"…don't want to wake her."

Lara opened her eyes slowly, wondering what, or more importantly, who she just heard. She strained her ears, and a voice came from the bathroom. "This is the first time she's got some proper sleep."

Lara rolled off the couch and roughly onto her feet. At some point a blanket had been put on her and it tangled her footing as she got up. She tore the blanket off her feet and walked towards the bathroom.

"I know…" she heard Sam say, "But I don't want to get on her bad side…what? Shut up!...Just give her –"

Lara leaned against the doorway. "Give me what?" she asked.

Sam looked up, deer in the headlights. "Yeah she's awake," she mumbled into her phone. "Yep. Thank you. Shut up Reyes." She stopped the call and looked at her awkwardly. "Umm… we're all meeting up soon at a pub Jonah's found. Do you want to come?"

Lara noticed that Sam was already dressed up for the occasion in a red shirt which exposed her left shoulder and black jeans.

She clenched her jaw. This was a fucking dog move. "You didn't think it was important to tell me?"

"What? No!" Sam said quickly. "I…I didn't want to wake you."

"So you would rather ditch me instead?"

"No! Lara…" she looked around."You just…you…" she sighed, surrendering. "I'm sorry… alright?"

_Sorry_. Sorry wasn't going to bring them back.

But at least Sam was safe.

Lara rubbed her temples. Gods. Where were those painkillers when she needed them?

"If you want to come with us," Sam said, "You don't have long to get ready. I'll be downstairs."

Sam edged past her and left. Lara rubbed her forehead and then walked to the sink. She gathered a handful of water then splashed it against her face. She wiped the water from her eyes and then pressed her head against the wall.

She understood if Sam wanted to go out without her, as she wouldn't be very good company. However it was that she thought she needed to protect her that was vexing. She was Lara Croft, survivor of Yamatai. Who was Sam to think that she needed to protect her?

Lara shook her head then walked to the bedroom. She threw on a tank top, some jeans and a jacket over the top. Then she went to meet Sam and the taxi drove them to the pub.

Jonah and Reyes were waiting for them outside. They waved when to them, and Lara waved back.

"About time." Reyes said.

"Sorry," Lara said. "It was my fault."

Reyes shrugged then led the way inside. "Whatever. We're all here now. Come on."

The pub was smaller than the ones they had in England but it definitely made her feel nostalgic. The browns, the yellow lights and the row of bottles lining the wall behind the counter. There weren't many people at this hour though it was only seven and there weren't any big games on.

They found a table towards the side of the room. Lara sat down next to Jonah and started flicking through one of the menus. "Not a bad find Jonah," Sam said.

Jonah smiled. "Thank my cabbie for telling me about it."

Reyes stood up. "While you ladies are sitting here chatting I'm going to get us some drinks. What do you guys want?"

"Just a pint of their strongest beer," Jonah said.

"Uhh something a little weaker than that," Sam said.

"I'll just have what Jonah's having," Lara said.

"Alright then, be right back." She walked off to the bar.

"Reyes seems strangely aggressive." Sam noted.

Jonah smiled. "I think she's just excited." He picked up the menu and started looking through it. "So when are you guys going back?"

"Well my dad wants Lara back ASAP." Sam said. "I want to stay here though. This place is much sunnier than Tokyo."

"Is there anything stopping you?"

Sam smiled. "I guess there isn't."

Lara looked at Sam over the top of the menu. "You didn't tell me this," she said.

Sam glanced at Jonah then at her, looking slightly guilty. "Well it's still under consideration."

Lara pressed her lips together and tried refocusing on the menu.

_Fish and chips…spicy ribs…_The idea that Sam would be so far away from her was discomforting. Although her presence caused her some stress, her being half a world away where Lara couldn't be there to help her would cause her even more stress.

It also hurt that she was so eager to break her promise. Everyone was calling her crazy- even Sam was also insisting she had PTSD. Maybe they had some degree of truth, or maybe she was the only sane one in this world.

They didn't experience what she did- she was the only one who understood, who knew how dark the world was. She was the only one who _knew._

Reyes returned with their drinks. She took a seat and said, "We're the only survivors of Yamatai, but we'll never forget those that gave their lives to get us here." She raised her glass. "To Roth, Grimm and Alex."

Everyone raised their glasses. "To Roth, Grimm and Alex," they repeated.

Lara looked at Sam as she sipped her beer.

_It's her fault and you know it, _her mind whispered.

It rather hypocritical that Sam was toasting those she killed.

Lara could feel the anger rising inside of her.

Sam didn't deserve to say their name. She didn't deserve to be smiling with them now.

"So, what looks good?" Reyes asked, rubbing her hands together.

Lara took a swig of her pint and shook her head. Man this was strong.

She took another gulp. I'm_ going to need more. _


End file.
